Monday, February 25, 2008

The Hand of God

Have you ever had times in your life where you could clearly see the hand of God? Without question you knew this was of God. Have there also been times when you questioned if God was even around?

I can remember two major times in my life where the hand of God was undeniably evident. The adoption of my daughter was the first of these times. My husband and I had been trying to conceive a child for several years and finally decided to pursue the idea of adoption. During these years I often questioned if I would ever be a mom. I questioned my ability to pray and devoured books about effective prayer. I questioned my own past sin and wondered if this was a consequence of my own sinful past. I questioned God's plan. But God did have a plan, and that plan included motherhood. Nine months after our first call to the adoption agency, we picked up our baby daughter from the hospital. It seems almost unreal that she was conceived around the same time we began down the road of adoption. The timing was perfect. God had clearly orchestrated the lives of several different people, in different circumstances, living in different places to bring about His plan. There is no question God created this family in His way, in His timing.

The second time I could clearly see God's hand was shortly after my divorce. Divorce had been devastating to me and I was a mess. About three months after the divorce was final my former husband announced that he and his girlfriend were going to have a baby. This news was more than I could handle. After all we had been through to become parents I knew I couldn't stand by and watch them have a baby. I wanted to move home. I had been raised in a city about 3 hours away and my family still lived there. I needed to go home. But I had a two year old daughter to consider and wanted to do what was right for her. I met with the singles pastor of the church I was attending and he gave me invaluable advice. He said I should send out some resumes and see if God opens a door. Wow, it was like the parting of the Red Sea. I had a job offer within two weeks. I had to get my former husband to agree to let my daughter and me move. He agreed. I had to sell my house. It sold in two weeks. Everything regarding a move back home fell into place so easily. I knew, without a doubt, this was God's plan.

I love being able to see God at work. I love to feel Him near. But most of the time, it isn't that clear. During the healing from divorce, there were times I literally felt as if God was holding me in His arms. But in the day to day of life we don't always see or feel God's presence. I have to admit I am in one of those times now. I would like God to talk to me in an audible voice. I would like a power point presentation on the plan to come. I would like a nice tidy map to follow, or at least find some answers in a google search (maybe if I google "plan for krista").

I feel a little like what I imagine Moses, or at least the people of Israel, felt in the wilderness. God is providing the manna daily, but where are we going? I sometimes feel like I am wandering with no real direction. All the doors I try to open seem to close. I wonder how Joseph felt. God didn't speak audibly to Joseph. He did speak to him through his dreams, but I would imagine that Joseph had to wonder about God's plan. Joseph had a dream that his brothers would bow down to him, but it took a long time for that to happen. And, in the mean time Joseph was sold into slavery and taken to Egypt. He surely wondered about God's plan as his brothers betrayed him. But, Egypt turned out pretty good. He was put in charge of Potiphar's household (the captain of the palace guard). Things were looking up. I imagine Joseph could see God's hand in all that had taken place to get to this point. But then, BAM! Potiphar's wife accused him of rape. Joseph was thrown in prison. I wonder if Joseph sat in the prison thinking, "what now God". Things started looking up in prison as the chief jailer put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners. Things were looking even brighter as Joseph interpreted the dreams of two prisoners, the king's cupbearer and baker. Joseph thought he would surely be set free now because the cupbearer would tell the king about him. But the cupbearer forgot all about Joseph. Again, I wonder what went through Joseph's mind. HELLO, I'm in prison here, what was with the dream where the bundles of grain bowed to me? prison here! He sat in prison for two years waiting on the cupbearer to remember him and tell the king. But then one day the cupbearer did remember Joseph. The famine brought Joseph's brothers to Egypt and sure enough they eventually bowed down to him, just like in his dream. Joseph was reunited with his family, including his beloved father. Wow, that was quite a plan!

Sometimes I may feel like I'm wandering in the wilderness or that the cupbearer has forgotten me, but the God that was in the wilderness with Moses and in the prison with Joseph, is with me today! Faith is believing that which is unseen. I can not always see God’s hand, but through faith I know He has a plan for me.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

1 comment:

Lysa TerKeurst said...

Wow! Beautiful post. Yes, I love looking for, expecting, and seeing the hand of the Lord as well.

Thanks for the insights you shared over at my place today. I have two adopted sons... I loved reading your adoption story today.