Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Somebody's Jerry

This past weekend I watched the movie "P.S. I Love You". For those of you that haven't seen this movie, it is one of those must have a box of kleenex sitting next to you movies. I cried and laughed, sometimes within the same breath, which by the way makes a very interesting sound come out of your nose. I digress.

At one point in the movie Daniel, played by Harry Connick Jr, is revealing his true feelings to Holly, played by Hillary Swank. Holly is really not interested in Daniel because she is still grieving the death of her husband Jerry. Holly is still held by the grips of grief and is truly in the midst of the healing process. She is clinging to and idolizing the love she shared with Jerry. Sitting in a busy restaurant together, Daniel is faced with the fact that Holly doesn't share his feelings. He asked her if she thought she would ever find love again and she really couldn't answer him. The next line Daniel delivered to Holly pierced my heart and released a river of tears that probably had little to do with the movie. He told Holly that he wanted to be "somebody's jerry". Oh dear friends, I know exactly what he meant!

I have said that very line to myself! Immediately following my divorce I remember wishing somebody loved me the way it seemed my ex-husband loved his new girlfriend. He obviously loved her so intensely that he was willing to sacrifice his family. Of course, with hindsight what it is, his girlfriend probably had the same feelings about me. After all, I was the one that carried his name and shared his daughter. But in the throws of emotion I wished I could be "somebody's (insert name)". I cried out to God asking why can't I be loved?

Several years later I was dating someone who was newly divorced. I truly believed God had brought us together, but he, like Holly in the movie, was clinging to and idolizing the love he shared with his ex-wife. But unlike the movie, death had not separated this union and he held to the hope of reconciliation. Oh, how I wished I could be "somebody's (insert name)". I once again cried out to God asking why can't I be loved?

I would love to end this post by telling you that God has brought that special love into my life and I am now "somebody's krista". Or, I wish I could tell you that because of His love, I am content and no longer pine for such a love. After all, I am loved so much by my Savior that he gave His life for me....now that is what I call love....agape style! But even knowing that I am loved by the God of the universe, the creator of all things, my hope for an earthly love hasn't been erased or removed. Oh, please don't misunderstand; I am in awe of God's love, grace and mercy. And, let me tell you He has poured out more grace and mercy to me than I can even fathom. Being single isn't a curse, and it isn't a death sentence. And if I am single for the rest of my life, I will thank Him for my singleness. As I cried through the end of the movie, I recalled my life verse Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. My God who loves me has a plan for me! But what about the next verses? Verses 12 and 13 tell us "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart".

So, today I rejoice that God has a plan and I'm in it! And I will call upon Him and seek Him with all my heart. Today I know that if I am never "somebody's krista" here on earth, the One that matters knows my name and because of Him I can look forward to an eternity of His love.

Father God,
I praise you and thank you today for exactly where you have me! Help me to be content in my circumstances. Help me to take my eyes off myself and seek you with all my heart. My trust is in you. Thank you for your overflowing grace and mercy. I am so grateful you call me your own.
In your Son's name I pray,
Amen

6 comments:

Lelia Chealey said...

Hi Krista!
I'm coming over from Kelley's blog. Sounds like you had a great time the other night. Can't wait to meet you in person. This was a beautiful post. I loved what you said here: "Being single isn't a curse, and it isn't a death sentence. And if I am single for the rest of my life, I will thank Him for my singleness." Beautiful.
God has really put single women on my heart as of late with my sister being one. We talk of how she wants what I have...husband, etc and I want what she has...answering only to her dogs. :) But the compassion God has put on my heart is just so heavy. I just posted on it today.
Looking forward to meeting you and wish we'd met you before the plane tickets were purchased!
I'm going to link your blog because this just ties in so well with my post.
Love,
Lelia

Kristen said...

Krista!

I loved your post and I am going to share it with a single friend of mine who is struggling with wanting to be "somebody's..."

I am rejoicing that you know you are God's Krista! He loves you!

Hold tight to Him and that verse He gave you from Jeremiah!


PS: I saw the movie as well - I cried too! A LOT!

Sheryl said...

Wow, what a great post. I came over here from Kelley's blog. If my husband has his way we will be divorced by the end of the year. I am still asking God for a miracle. IF that doesn't happen, I am asking to be satisfied with HIM alone. That's a real stretch for me, but maybe that's part of the lesson.

Thank you for sharing your heart.

Ang baylis said...

Hi, Krista!
I have been exactly where you are so I understand. I understand how it feels to have a husband abandon his family for another woman ... and marry her 2 months after the divorce. I Praise God for you to have Him as your center and for you to ... SEEK HIM and wait upon Him as He reveals His plans for your life! I feel I better pray for your ex-husband and mine since they are obviously confused and don't even realize what they gave up. Or do they? You are Glorifying Him by being authentic with women all over the world! I'm praying you are, "Somebody's Krista" on earth one day soon! I'm glad He is enough in the meantime!
I can tell you are a beautiful woman and I'm glad Kelley introduced me to you!
In His Unfailing Love,
Angie xoxo

nothingcanseparateme said...

Krista,
I found your blog via Lelia Chealey. What a great post and not just for single girls but all us married ones as well!! I have been married for 20+ years and spent a lot of our early married years looking for my husband to meet my every need and love me with an unending passion like we see in the movies. When I began to rely on my Lord as my ultimate groom my earthly groom became all the "sweeter" to me.

Thank you for sharing your heart!
Kim

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Hi Krista,
I came here from Lelia's post. I can so relate to your desires. Having been recently divorced and still hating those words (Nov. 07), I long to be loved in such a way. I believe I was loved deeply by my "beloved"; however, Satan took hold of my Christian husband and has deceived him. I can relate to the man you dated in that I do have desire, belief, and hope of reconciliation. rejoiceministries.org has really changed my perspective on standing in the gap for my marriage and believing that with God I stand on Him to restore.

At any rate, if my beloved continues to follow the path of disobedience to God and denies His power to heal, then yes, one day I do want love again. I do not believe I was given the gift of singleness. I do not believe my heart is intended to be single.

I admire you contentment to remain single the rest of your days if God so choses. I am content on waiting for His plan to be fulfilled. I am content on waiting for Him and believing Him to restore my vow to Him and beloved. But I cannot say with assurance as you that I would be forever content. I wish I could...I hope there's a reason I can't.

Hope to "see" you in my blog land.
Love and understanding,
Paula