Somebody's Jerry

This past weekend I watched the movie "P.S. I Love You". For those of you that haven't seen this movie, it is one of those must have a box of kleenex sitting next to you movies. I cried and laughed, sometimes within the same breath, which by the way makes a very interesting sound come out of your nose. I digress.

At one point in the movie Daniel, played by Harry Connick Jr, is revealing his true feelings to Holly, played by Hillary Swank. Holly is really not interested in Daniel because she is still grieving the death of her husband Jerry. Holly is still held by the grips of grief and is truly in the midst of the healing process. She is clinging to and idolizing the love she shared with Jerry. Sitting in a busy restaurant together, Daniel is faced with the fact that Holly doesn't share his feelings. He asked her if she thought she would ever find love again and she really couldn't answer him. The next line Daniel delivered to Holly pierced my heart and released a river of tears that probably had little to do with the movie. He told Holly that he wanted to be "somebody's jerry". Oh dear friends, I know exactly what he meant!

I have said that very line to myself! Immediately following my divorce I remember wishing somebody loved me the way it seemed my ex-husband loved his new girlfriend. He obviously loved her so intensely that he was willing to sacrifice his family. Of course, with hindsight what it is, his girlfriend probably had the same feelings about me. After all, I was the one that carried his name and shared his daughter. But in the throws of emotion I wished I could be "somebody's (insert name)". I cried out to God asking why can't I be loved?

Several years later I was dating someone who was newly divorced. I truly believed God had brought us together, but he, like Holly in the movie, was clinging to and idolizing the love he shared with his ex-wife. But unlike the movie, death had not separated this union and he held to the hope of reconciliation. Oh, how I wished I could be "somebody's (insert name)". I once again cried out to God asking why can't I be loved?

I would love to end this post by telling you that God has brought that special love into my life and I am now "somebody's krista". Or, I wish I could tell you that because of His love, I am content and no longer pine for such a love. After all, I am loved so much by my Savior that he gave His life for me....now that is what I call love....agape style! But even knowing that I am loved by the God of the universe, the creator of all things, my hope for an earthly love hasn't been erased or removed. Oh, please don't misunderstand; I am in awe of God's love, grace and mercy. And, let me tell you He has poured out more grace and mercy to me than I can even fathom. Being single isn't a curse, and it isn't a death sentence. And if I am single for the rest of my life, I will thank Him for my singleness. As I cried through the end of the movie, I recalled my life verse Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. My God who loves me has a plan for me! But what about the next verses? Verses 12 and 13 tell us "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart".

So, today I rejoice that God has a plan and I'm in it! And I will call upon Him and seek Him with all my heart. Today I know that if I am never "somebody's krista" here on earth, the One that matters knows my name and because of Him I can look forward to an eternity of His love.

Father God,
I praise you and thank you today for exactly where you have me! Help me to be content in my circumstances. Help me to take my eyes off myself and seek you with all my heart. My trust is in you. Thank you for your overflowing grace and mercy. I am so grateful you call me your own.
In your Son's name I pray,
Amen