Discouraged, Frustrated, and a Little Green in the Eyes

I usually love checking my email. It's kind of like checking the mail box and hoping for a letter from an old friend or getting an unexpected party invitation. But, Sunday night sitting in my inbox was disappointment all bundled up in a nice, neat email!

I had written and submitted an article to one of my favorite Christian magazines. I had high hopes they would love my writing and be eager to publish my stellar piece of work. But no, my article was rejected. Ughh. There is nothing fun about rejection. It stings.

My first reaction to the email was sheer frustration. I really believe God has given me the desire to write and I thought He was leading me in a certain direction. But it seems everywhere I turn doors close rather than open. Double ughh!

After sharing my feelings of frustration with a friend, she pointed out that this seems a lot like what Paul went through in Acts chapter 16. Paul and his companions had gone to Asia to preach the gospel. I am sure they were excited about the potential of adding to God's kingdom in Asia, but God had different plans. They then went to Mysia and tried to enter Bithynia, but God didn't want them there either. I imagine Paul was at least a little frustrated at times, wondering where in the world God was leading him. Especially given that this was long before the airplane or even the automobile was invented. Paul and his group didn't have a friendly flight attendant passing out complimentary chocolate chip cookies or selling headphones to plug into the on-flight movie. They were walking across the continents of Asia and Europe! Finally, through a vision, Paul figured out God wanted them to go to Macedonia and preach.

I'm all for going to Macedonia, just point me in the right direction! My frustration quickly turned to comparison. "I will never be as good of a writer as so-and-so," I thought. "Maybe I am wasting my time writing," my mind continued. I have a long list of Christian writer/speakers I admire and comparing myself to them is a losing battle every time! Before I knew it, frustration and comparison turned to a bit of jealously. I found myself jealous of published writers. "Why do they get picked and I don't," I whined (to myself of course).

While still reeling from the sting of rejection, my daughter, who had just returned from a week long visit with her dad, wanted to show me a picture of her soon-to-be-step-mom's wedding dress. Triple Ughh! Her dad and his girlfriend are planning to get married on the beach in Maui at sunset. MAUI AT SUNSET!!!

When can it be my turn already!! I want to be picked! I want to be loved! I wanted to be used by God! Jealousy and comparison are destroyers of joy. The enemy delights in my insecurities and wants me to give up. Satan would love it if I never wrote another thing!

After a weekend of feeling discouraged, frustrated and a little green in the eyes, I was surprised as I sat down at my desk on Monday. I picked up my daily devotion calendar which sits on my desk at work and read the following entry for July 27th: "Lord, help me to understand the call You have on my life. Take away any discouragement I may feel and replace it with joyful anticipation of what You are going to do through me. Use me as Your instrument to make a positive difference in the lives of those who You put in my path." Hmm. Enough said.