Don't Blink

June is a busy month. So busy in fact, I can hardly breathe from the stress of it all. Hannah has softball and dance that are now overlapping. By the end of June we will have had dance recital, vacation bible school, church directory pictures, softball pictures, dance tryouts for next year and brunch for Father's Day. Plus, let's not forget the many out of town trips in June. Hannah is going on a trip with her grandparents, I have a business trip scheduled, plus the She Speaks conference and a four day trip for Hannah's final dance competition....all in June. We have 4 dance shows, one dance competition, two days of tryouts, and 7 softball games. To get everything accomplished my very very very generous parents are helping me (yes, they read this blog, so I thought I would add a couple more "verys" as I am so grateful for their help!).

Last night I actually had trouble sleeping just thinking of all the things happening in June and the now overwhelming fear I will forget something. Yes, I have it all down on a calendar, but that doesn't mean I won't just up and forget something. A couple of years ago I forgot to take Hannah to picture day at the dance studio. That year, the day for dance pictures fell on visitation with her dad. I switched weekends just for picture day and in the midst of that Saturday afternoon I realized I had just completely forgotten about pictures. Of course shortly after picture day the dance studio chose Hannah's class picture to hang in the lobby. Every time I entered the dance studio for the next year I saw that picture...the one that was so blatantly missing my daughter.

I was so anxious this morning that I started telling myself June will be over before you know it. I just need to get through June and the schedule will ease up a bit. I realized I was hoping for time to pass quickly. Oh no, no no no. I do not want time to move quickly. I want to savor every moment because time moves too quickly on its own. I want to enjoy watching her play softball. When she gets up to bat, my heart starts beating fast and then she whacks that ball and my heart soars with her as she runs toward first base. I want to freeze time when I watch her dance. When the music starts and she hip hops to the beat my heart melts. It seems like just yesterday she was starting kindergarten and now she is entering the fifth grade. Times moves so fast with no help from us.

June is a busy month. A month to stop and enjoy each unique moment that we will never again own. Like the Kenny Chesney songs says....don't blink!

I turned on the evening news

Saw a old man being interviewed

Turning a hundred and two today

Asked him what's the secret to life

He looked up from his old pipe

Laughed and said All I can say is.

Don't blink

Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you

Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don't blink

You just might miss your babies growing like mine did

Turning into moms and dads, next thing you know your "better half"

Of fifty years is there in bed

And you're praying God takes you instead

Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think

So don't blink

I was glued to my tv when it looked like he looked at me and said

Best start putting first things first.

Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand

You can't flip it over and start again

Take every breathe God gives you for what it's worth

Don't blink

Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you

Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don't blink

You just might miss your babies growing like mine did

Turning into moms and dads, next thing you know your "better half"

Of fifty years is there in bed

And you're praying God takes you instead

Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think

So don't blink

So I've been tryin' ta slow it down

I've been tryin' to take it in

In this here today, gone tomorrow world we're livin' in

Don't blink

So Don't blink

Naw, don't blink, don't blink

Life Goes Faster Than You Think

Don't Blink...

Useless?

This past Christmas season as I was watching the television special "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" I realized I feel a strange kinship with the misfit characters. Do you ever feel out of place, like you just don't fit? As a single mom in my forties I have often struggled with finding a place to fit. I am no longer a part of a couple, yet with all my mom duties I don't really feel all that single. Finding a Sunday School class has been a challenge. I don't fit in with the couples, although my lifestyle is similar. I don't fit in with the singles, although I am in fact single. My "single again" status often has me feeling like a misfit, just like Rudolph and his misfit friends. The truth is that being single again is mis-fitted, after all God's plan for marriage doesn't include divorce.

Well, here I am living on Misfit Island. Am I destined to live like this forever? Can God possibly use a divorced woman? Am I just completely useless to God now? God's word tells me that I am not useless. I can be used! The story of the Samaritan woman who meets Jesus at the well is a beautiful illustration of how God can use even a divorced woman in a mighty way.

We aren't told of her name, just that she is a Samaritan woman who has come to draw water from the well. Her nationality is significant because Jews did not associate with Samaritans. Jesus was tired and had taken rest next to Jacob's well. When the Samaritan woman came near, Jesus immediately struck up a conversation with her asking her for a drink of water. She answered him by pointing out that she was a Samaritan and he was a Jew. How could he ask her for water? Jesus responded by telling her that if she only knew who she was talking with she would have asked for the "living water" that only He could give.

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back." "I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." (John 4:13-18)

The woman at the well knew she was talking with the Messiah. She was so excited to share the "living water" she had just received that she left her water jar and ran back to town to tell everyone about Jesus.

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, "He told me everything I ever did." So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. And because of his words many more became believers. They said to the woman, "We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world." (John 4:39-42)

Wow! Almost the whole town believed because of someone's testimony. Not the testimony of one of the religious leaders or educated scholars, but the testimony of a divorced woman who had been divorced five times and was now living with another man! Talk about a misfit! If God can use the Samaritan woman, I know He can use me! But how can I be used?

For years I have had the desire to write, but in the last few months that desire has grown and I have felt God leading me to write more. I believe God can and has used my writing, but the enemy has come on full force! I hear whispers of "do you know how many writers can write better than you", "that book idea you have has already been written, why even try" or "there are so many writers trying to make it, why would anyone want to read anything from you". These whispers can be loud at times but through prayer I will overcome and I will write. I don't know how God will use my writing, but today I know He has given me a desire. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me!

Next month I am attending the She Speaks Conference through Proverbs 31 Ministries. This is a conference specifically designed to help new writers and speakers. I am really excited about meeting new people and learning more about the world of publishing. I pray that God will use this conference in my life and that He will be glorified through even a misfit like me!

More Morning Conversation

Thursday night we had horrible storms. These were scary storms with all the bells and whistles; thunder, lightning, hail, strong winds and even tornadoes. Sirens sounded and Hannah and I headed to the basement. I wish I had a finished basement with a TV! Hannah and I sat on the steps of the basement so we could still hear the TV, and, because there are bugs down there! As we sat there listening to the sirens and the ominous sound of hail hitting our house, we prayed. We asked God to be with us and keep us safe. The storms came and went and came again several times through the night. Around 2:00 in the morning, Hannah was sound asleep, but I was awake listening to the sound of powerful winds pound against my house. I was scared.

When we woke on Friday morning around 6:00 a.m. the storms had all passed. I surveyed the house, the yard, the neighborhood and saw no signs of any damage. Watching the morning news it became clear that not all areas of the city had been so fortunate. Homes and businesses were completely destroyed. Power was out in whole sections of the city. The storm had left its mark. And we were untouched.

As we began getting ready for the day, Hannah commented about how scary the storms had been. I reminded her that we had prayed and God had kept us safe. She, in her 10 years of wisdom, calmly asked "why did He keep us safe, but not others?" Wow, that is a good question. My mind raced and I thought to myself, "why in the world does she pick the mornings to have these types of conversations." I can not express enough, I am NOT a morning person! "Well, Hannah," I said "I don't know the answer to that, but what I do know is that we live in a sinful world where bad things happen. We won't know all the whys until we get to heaven and ask, but I imagine we will be in such awe of God's mighty power and glory we may not care to ask all the whys." I went on, because again, that is what I tend to do, and explained that when we pray God has promised that He will hear us and He will answer us. But His answer might not always be what we want. God answers with yes, no, or not now. She took this in, pondered it a bit and said "when I get to heaven I'm going to ask Him lots of things".

And so we finished getting ready and off to work and school we went with the birds singing a lovely tune as we started our day....yeah, right! Deep waters kept a comin'. She continued the deep conversation by declaring that there must be a lot of people in heaven because someone dies every two minutes and someone is born every two minutes. I have no idea where she got this statistic or if it is accurate. I reminded her that not everyone goes to heaven when they die, but only those with a personal relationship with Jesus will go to heaven. I told her that Jesus said "I am the way, and the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through me". And that Jesus said "small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." I went on explaining that the world wants to believe there are lots of ways to heaven. But the truth is that there is only one way to heaven and that is through God's son. We ended our conversation with a prayer, thanking God for keeping us safe through the storms and for His son Jesus who paid our price on the cross.

I think I handled this one fairly well. I may have had a couple of words incorrect when I was quoting scripture and I didn't know the references, but the points were made. And then as the day went on and I thought about all we had discussed my mind was filled with doubt. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to "train up a child in the way he should go". How, I ask? I do not feel qualified for this job. I didn't go to seminary. I don't have enough scripture memorized. I haven't even taught a Sunday School class. Who am I to teach her about God? As the doubt flooded in, God reminded me of all the unlikely people he has used. David was nothing more than a shepherd boy. Moses even argued with God and said He should use someone else, but God used Moses in mighty ways. The apostle Paul had persecuted God's people, but God used him in ways that Paul could have never imagined. And then there are the many stories of mothers that God used. Mary was the most unlikely candidate. She was young and unmarried. Yet, God chose her to carry His son, the one that would come to save the world. I don't need to go to seminary to teach my child about God, I just need to be the vessel and let God work through me.