Sweet Mother Molasses

The Single Mom and the Strong-Willed Child

2010-08-03T06:51:00.000-07:00

God is omniscient, all-knowing. It’s basic Christian theology. But if God knew I would be a single mom, I can’t for the life of me figure out why He would give me a strong-willed child. Single parents should have nice, easy, compliant children.

This iron-willed trait made its debut early in the life of my daughter Hannah. When she was 2 years old she refused to stay in her car-seat. I realize many kids go through the stage of discovering they can escape the confines of the car-seat all by themselves, but my daughter used this new found ability to test the boundaries of our parent-child relationship. I recall sitting on the side of the road refusing to drive any further until she was buckled up safe and sound. It was a battle of the wills and our emotions were running high. There we sat, as traffic raced by us, with the battle raging on for what seemed like an eternity. By the time we were finally able to continue on our way, we were both physically and emotionally exhausted. This didn’t just happen once. This roadside war of wills was a daily occurrence for many months. Looking back, it could have been the inspiration for Carrie Underwood’s song “Jesus Take the Wheel.”

The car-seat situation was just one way Hannah’s determined spirit tested my authority and ability as a parent. An unwanted divorce had left me battered and bruised on the inside and I was overwhelmed with the awesome responsibility of being a single parent. I felt abandoned by man and by God. My faith had been strengthened during the divorce, but now I questioned if God was even around. I needed a husband, a help mate, someone to walk through this journey with me.

Although I felt alone, I knew my faith wasn’t based on feelings. It was grounded in Biblical Scripture. I scoured the Bible looking for answers and discovered God is my heavenly husband just as He promised Israel in Isaiah 54. He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me. I am not alone.

It has been 10 years since I became a single mom and God has been faithful to be our provider and protector. Although this might not be the life I would have chosen, God has shown me I am not alone. He isn’t just walking through this journey with me, He is leading the way.

Don't Look Back - Coach John R. Wooden

2010-07-23T05:43:00.000-07:00

The years have left their imprint
On my hands and on my face.
Erect no longer is my walk
And slower is my pace.

But there is no fear within my heart
Because I'm growing old,
I only wish I had more time
To further serve my Lord.

When I've gone to Him in prayer
He has brought me inner peace,
And soon my cares and worries
And all other troubles cease.

He has blessed me in so many ways,
He has never let me down.
Why should I fear the future
When I soon may touch His crown?

Though I know down here my time is short
There is endless time up there,
And He will forgive and keep me
forever in His loving care.

May I not waste an hour
That's left to glorify His name
Of the One who died, that we may live,
and for our sins took all the blame.

Coach John R. Wooden 1910-2010
Poem written May 2003

Gone Fishing

2010-07-18T20:21:00.001-07:00

This weekend my brother took Hannah and his three girls fishing. I went too, but I didn't fish. I am not a fisher kind of gal. I stayed on the shore while the girls took turns out on my brother's kayak. The thought of touching a worm and somehow getting it on a hook makes my stomach a bit uneasy. And, then trying to get the hook out of the fish, well just yuk! That is the word that comes to mind when I think of fishing - yuk! But my brother loves it and I loved watching him with the girls.

When the first two girls got on the kayak, I was sure that thing would tip over. I just knew there was going to be some very wet passengers. Thank goodness everyone had life jackets! But, the boat never did tip over and no one got wet....from lake water. We were all soaked, but not from the lake water. We were drenched in our own sweat. I know, double yuk! It was one of the hottest days of the year and I was affected by the heat the most. I sweat down my shirt and then somehow across my shirt. I sweat the cross! I'm sure you've heard of the silly things like the pancake shaped like Jesus, or the virgin Mary's face on a potato chip. Well, this was the shirt with the cross! I do love Jesus!

The girls each caught several fish and proved to be quite the fisher-gals. Even Hannah baited the hook with worms (yuk!). The last time she went fishing with my brother she wouldn't touch the worms, so this is improvement! Our fishing excursion ended with a nice picnic lunch together. As we drove away from the lake, while I was desperately trying to get the air conditioning to cool me off, I thought about what a precious experience we had just had.

Family. Fun. Together. Just tell the world, I've gone fishing!

Sin Splatters

2010-07-12T07:37:00.001-07:00

In last Sunday's sermon the guest preacher for the day used the phrase "sin splatters." I had never really thought of it that way before, but the word "splatter" perfectly describes the effects of sin. It isn't just the sinner that is affected by his or her sin, it splatters into the lives of those nearby. I picture a child jumping with both feet into a muddy rain puddle. The muddy water splashes up and out of the puddle showering everyone within close proximity.

When I was facing divorce, I went to a DivorceCare class at my church. During one of the weekly sessions the leader asked us to think about the type of loss we had endured because of divorce. Many people talked about the loss of a family, or a spouse, or a dream. But one woman said the greatest loss she had faced through divorce was the loss of choice. I totally agreed. Because of someone else's choices my life was turned upside down. I had no say in what was happening to me. If I had a choice, divorce wouldn't have happened. I am not saying I didn't play a role in the demise of my marriage, but I didn't want divorce. I was facing the consequences of someone else's sin! And not just me, but my daughter, our parents, our siblings, and all of our friends were affected by this divorce.

King David's sin with Bathsheba greatly illustrates the splattering of sin. I'm sure when David saw the beautiful Bathsheba from his palace roof, he didn't think about all the people his sin would affect. But because he acted on his lustful desires, Bathsheba found herself pregnant, her husband was murdered, and an innocent child died. Not to mention how David's sin must have affected all the supporting players of this story. I can only imagine what it must have been like to be a servant in David's palace during this time - talk about a stressful job!

A rebellious teen can turn the family home into a war zone. A drunk driver can take the life of a complete stranger - someone's mother, wife, daughter and friend. An adulterous affair can rip a family apart. Even a simple lie can set in motion a home filled with deception and mistrust.

Yes, sin does indeed splatter! As we go through our lives making daily decisions, may we all keep in our mind the picture of a muddy rain puddle splashing and soaking the people we love!

It's a Full Blown Case of the Frumpies

2010-07-01T06:47:00.001-07:00

There it sat in the midst of fun, beautiful vacation pictures. A picture of me in my swimsuit! Holy moly, I am frumpy! When did this happen? How did this happen? I somewhat resemble a whale. I'm not kidding! I can hear you. You are saying, "ah, it doesn't look that bad, Krista." Oh, but it does! My swimsuit is black and white and the whole thing looks a bit like a whale. I knew I had gained a little weight over the past several years and I even realized I had gone up a couple of clothing sizes. But I never thought I could be mistaken for a close relative of Shamu!

I have heard that people with an eating disorder have a distorted or false view of themselves in the mirror. I know very little about eating disorders, but I totally understand the trick of the mirror. Although in my case, I look in the mirror and think I look pretty good! While not as small as a few years ago, I'm still pretty hot. I am 45 after all. I even took the increase in clothing size in stride - I'm still wearing an average size and there are many women my age who wish they wore my size! Again, maybe I'm not "smokin' hot" but still pretty hot!

The mirror may lie, but pictures don't! Good grief, there it was staring back at me all whale like! I am still somewhat in disbelief. I have tried to blame it on the angle of the camera, the way I was standing or on the swimsuit - it just isn't flattering! I found a picture of myself taken just a few years ago on a girls vacation to Key West. I wore a bikini! Wow, what a difference just a few years can make. One big difference is that in the Key West picture I was very tan (it was of the spay-on nature) and we all know tan fat is much more attractive than white fat! I'm sure I would have looked better in this recent picture if I had been a bit more tan. Note to self: get a spray-on tan prior to being out in public in a swim suit! But it is clear I was much smaller and in much better physical shape just a few short years ago. When I went to Key West I was over forty, so it's not like this change is due to some major life milestone. No, it is due to just plain dropping the ball. And then not bending down to pick it back up!

I am trying to teach my daughter about healthy choices that include a certain number of daily calories, nutrition and exercise. I think I better start living it rather than just trying to teach it! Looking frumpy isn't the only issue. There is the whole health issue to think about. I recently had a physical exam and found out I have high cholesterol. It isn't too terribly high, but still higher than it should be and if I continue on the same path it will only get higher. I will admit just thinking about changing daily habits is daunting! I really like donuts, and Pepsi, and chocolate and ice cream...not too mention the whole exercise thing is hard! Ugh!

Well, change is coming. I'm not sure what my plan is yet, but it will include more fruits and vegetables and exercise! The case of the frumpies must be cured! I'll keep you posted on my progress from time to time.

I know you are probably curious, but rest assured I will not post the picture in question! But I will post the new costume for Wonder Woman. She is 69 and is getting a new makeover. She looks pretty good for 69, but it was about time they put some pants on that woman!

Doors Opened or Closed?

2010-06-27T17:32:00.001-07:00

It is so easy to see the hand of God when He allows the doors to just swing open wide. I've written about this before - how every door literally flew open when my husband and I wanted to adopt and again when I wanted to move back to my home town after a painful divorce. But, if doors don't seem to be opening does that mean God is saying no? I read a recent post from one my favorite blog writers about this very subject. She and her husband are in the process of adopting a baby girl from Ethiopia and God is providing the financial means in an amazing way. It is clear God is in the center of their plans. But sometimes it isn't so clear.

I think of the story of Joseph is Genesis. He certainly encountered a few closed doors along the way! God had shown Joseph in a dream that his brothers would bow down to him, but it would be a long time and several closed doors later before any bowing down happened! Surely Joseph wondered about God's plan when he was sold into slavery, and again when he was thrown into jail falsely accused of a horrible crime. I also think of King David. This shepherd boy was anointed by God to be the King of Israel. But the red carpet wasn't rolled out heading straight to the King's palace. I imagine David had to wonder about this whole royalty thing when he was being chased by King Saul and his men. David cried out to God throughout the Psalms! Or how about Abraham and Sarah? God promised He would give them a son. I know how Sarah felt, longing to be a mom and how every month it must have seemed like God was closing the door on His promise. They questioned God's plan so much, they ended up taking matters into their own hands and made quite a mess of things!

It is absolutely wonderful when God allows the doors to swing open wide. But sometimes God chooses to send us to a few closed doors before we can get to the opened one. I heard a story of a woman who wanted to be a missionary. She knew this was God's calling on her life but after she had spent extensive time on training and preparation she failed the final test necessary to be placed by the mission board. She could have given up. She could have seen this as God telling her no to the mission field. But she didn't give up. She took the test again and was placed exactly where she was hoping to go. It is easy for us, knowing how the story ends, to see how God was orchestrating people and places to bring about His plan in the lives of Joseph, David and Abraham and Sarah. But it the midst of what seems like closed doors, we must cling to our faith knowing He is leading, directing and holding our hand along the way!

Father,

I pray that you will show me Your presence in the midst of the closed doors. Help me, as Your Word says in Proverbs 3:5-6 to trust in You with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Help me to acknowledge You in all my ways and I ask that you will direct my paths. Amen.

A Little Independence

2010-06-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

The whole point of parenting is to train your children to live without you...right? Hopefully, our kids will grow up and eventually be on their own, although my parents might tell you that children are never really on their own! But nonetheless, that is the goal and I'm just not completely sure I like it. I want to keep Hannah in a safe protected bubble under my watchful eye forever. And I don't see anything wrong with my way of thinking!

Letting go is hard, even the little steps along the way to adulthood. Turning the reigns of life over to a child is scary - there are big bad wolves out there just waiting to pounce on my little red riding hood, I mean, Hannah. Based on how I felt yesterday, I can only imagine how I will handle the day Hannah actually leaves home to truly be on her own. But again, I'm sure my parents will tell me not to worry because if she is anything like me, she we will be back!

Yesterday I let Hannah stay home by herself while I was at work. We agreed she could have a friend over for a few hours and they could go to the neighborhood pool. Summertime for Hannah can be a one big long television fest if we don't plan activities for her. I don't want her just laying around watching TV all day or playing on the computer. She usually goes to my parent's house, but in the spirit of allowing a little bit of independence I agreed to occasionally let her stay home by herself. Her friend came over and Hannah called to tell me the friend had arrived. About 10 minutes later Hannah called to say they were leaving the house to walk to the neighborhood pool. Another call came approximately 5 minutes later to tell me they had arrived at the pool safely. She is such a good girl! About an hour later, my mind started to wander. Are they still having fun at the pool? Will she call again soon just to check in? Are they re-applying sunscreen? Are they still AT the pool? Could something have happened at the pool? "Oh Lord," I prayed, "please keep them safe!" They are safe, right? Maybe I should try to call her. But, she won't hear her phone if they are in the water. But I should try anyway. No answer. I tried again. No answer. I tried her friend's phone. No answer. Maybe something horrible has happened. Maybe I should leave work and go see. Maybe I could call a neighbor to go check on them. I don't think I can breathe! My phone rings. "Hi mom, did you try to call?" THANK YOU JESUS!! She is still AT the pool...having fun...in the water...with lots of sunscreen...just like she should be....because after all, she is a pre-teen with just a little independence! Baby steps!

Mercy me, this parenting thing is hard!

Treading The Deep Waters of Theology

2010-06-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

There is no rest in this thing called parenting. You have to be on your toes every minute of the day! Last night as we were getting ready for bed, and let me preface this by expressing how extremely exhausted I was after an active day in the sun, Hannah initiated a random conversation that took us into deep, deep waters!

Hannah: What if we end up going to hell?

Me: Well, if we truly have a relationship with Jesus, we won't go to hell.

Hannah: What if God changes His mind because we mess up, like if we don't go to church enough?

Me: God won't change His mind and nothing we can do can earn our way in to heaven. We deserve hell, but because God loves us so much he sent His son to die in our place. He promised us our sins will be forgiven if we ask, and in turn we can look forward to an eternity with Him in heaven. God always keeps His promises. This is His gift to us.

Hannah: It is kind of scary because God knows everything we do and even knows all our thoughts.

Me: Yep.

A much needed pause of at least 1 minute, and just when I thought the waters were receding, the conversation resumed.

Hannah: Do you ever say bad words in your head?

Me: Yes, sometimes.

Hannah: Me too sometimes.

Me: After I have a bad thought like that I pray and ask for forgiveness.

Hannah: I don't.

Me: You don't?

Hannah: I can't just pray in front of everyone at school, they will think I am weird.

Me: You don't have to bow your head and close your eyes every time you pray. Prayer is a conversation between you and God and it can happen anytime and anywhere. No one but you and God needs to know about your prayers. When your dad and I were getting divorced I remember going into the bathroom at work, locking the door, sitting on the floor and pouring my heart out to God in prayer. No one but me and God knew what I was doing in the bathroom.

Hannah: Why didn't he answer your prayers?

Me: He did. Without God, I wouldn't have made it through that difficult time in my life. He literally held me in His arms during that time.

Hannah: But you and dad still got divorced.

Me: Yes, because sometimes people make poor decisions.

Hannah: Why didn't God make you and dad stay together?

Me: Because God doesn't want to be like a puppet master, he gave us a free will so we could choose things for ourselves.

Hannah: Well, God needed to take some of that free will away from dad!

Out of the mouth of babes - couldn't have said it better myself! Never underestimate the wisdom of a child!

Every Girl's Dream

2010-06-18T07:44:00.001-07:00

You just never know the nugget of information you might find sitting in your facebook news-feed. One of my facebook friends changed her relationship status from single to engaged! I am so happy for her.

I am, really.
Stop looking at me like that.
I am truly happy for her!
Maybe a small hint of envy, but mostly happy.
Really.

This newly engaged woman is more of a friendly acquaintance than a friend in the traditional sense, but thanks to facebook our knowledge of each other has been elevated to a new level. When I saw the news I was thrilled for her. She is nearly forty and has never been married. I have often wondered how she felt about being single. After all, I know how I feel about being single, so I wondered if she too longed for more. I assumed she desired to be married and that she was holding out all hope God would eventually send His hand-picked mate. His timing can certainly seem perplexing. I can only imagine how Mary and Martha felt when it appeared Jesus was 4 days late and their brother lay dead! I take comfort in knowing He has a plan, but boy, sometimes that plan is hard for us to see or understand. I know this particular friend has been a bridesmaid probably more times than she would like to count and I imagine she has questioned God's plan from time to time. But now, it is finally her turn and it is obvious from her facebook posts that she is drinking in every moment of this long-awaited time in her life. And, yes I am truly happy for her.

Most little girls dream of the day they will marry their prince and have a family of their own, and my daughter Hannah is no exception. She makes up imaginary families complete with the names, ages and personal information about each member. She types all the information up in a word document and prints out a family biography of sorts. For example the Harrison family may have Sarah age 36 as the mom and Jeff age 38 as the dad. They have three children named Shelby (10), Taylor (8) and Erica (2). She has oodles of these "family biographies" printed out! She is constantly talking about the family she dreams of having someday. She wants at least three kids: two girls and a boy, or, maybe three girls and no boys. In our home she is an only child and because of the small size of our family she wants to have a big family.

With the onset of adolescence, boys have become a focal point for Hannah. We have been praying together, asking God to begin preparing today the boy who will someday be her husband. I have stressed the importance of following God and staying true to His standards when it comes to dating and marriage. My fervent prayer is that she will make good choices about relationships with the opposite sex. There is no greater blessing from God than family and I pray He will bless her abundantly! One night we prayed together about this boy God is preparing just for her and after we were finished she asked me something astounding. "Mom," she asked, "do you think that boy is praying for me?" Wow, I was almost brought to tears at the thought of a little boy somewhere in the world praying for the girl that will someday be his wife, and that God, right now, knows his wife will be my precious Hannah. "Yes, Hannah," I replied, "I do think there is a little boy out there right now praying just for you." In the paraphrased words of the charismatic preacher, Tony Evans, if you want to know where your mate is, you better be following God, because He is the only one who knows where he is!

Oh How I Dream Of Blogging

2010-06-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

I want to blog, really I do. Yeah right, I haven't blogged since January. I know that's what you're thinking. And you're right, I haven't blogged since January - at least not in written word. But oh, how many blogs I have at least started in my head! I heard something recently from a real-life writer that sums up my love-hate relationship with writing, "I love to have written, it's just the writing I struggle with." I know exactly what that author means. I love it after I have written something - anything really. After I have finished writing something I have to call my parents and ask them to read said masterpiece. I then call all my friends to read it. I even have the desire to do a little show-and-tell after I have written what is clearly the most clever PowerPoint bullet of all time! I write a lot of PowerPoint bullet points in my line of work - nothing wrong with taking a little pride in your work! I suppose that is exactly why I was attracted to the whole idea of a blog in the first place. Someone might actually read that which I have written. But again, it is the writing I struggle with, and boy do I struggle!

Since my last post (yes, the one dated January) I have started to write, in my head at least, about a variety of topics. These topics have included the meanderings of my middle school daughter, dating in midlife, the startling fact that according to a recent report, only 39% of Presbyterians believe Jesus is the only way to Heaven, my love of business travel, more middle school antics, and of course I have started, at least a gazillion times, the blog named "I am back." Well, as of today, right now, guess what. I AM BACK!

Tonight I was watching television, well sort of. I was really just desperately trying to avoid doing more preparation for the mother of all garage sales I am having tomorrow. Anyway, while doing this avoiding, I happened to catch a show about a professional blogger. Hmm. I think that is an interesting job title. This woman makes more in one month blogging than I do in a year! She must write about something really important...right? NO, she just writes about the random happenings in the life of her family - which includes two small children, one husband and a couple of dogs. Her blog has so many readers that advertisers pay her to run their ads on her site. I am in advertising, so of course I know of this type of thing, but I suspect most "professional bloggers" have real jobs outside the blog-o-sphere. Her story got me to thinking. I thought about all the posts I had started in my head but never quite made it to the written word. I started thinking about the power of this thing called social media. If advertisers can use it, just think of what God can do with it! Of course I thought about how the 6 or 7 loyal readers I once had are now gone. And then I got inspired.

I want to blog, really I do. I believe God can use me through writing somehow and that He is waiting for me to let Him - He is waiting for me to just say yes, I will write. I am saying yes to God. I will write as often as possible (but remember I struggle with the actual act of writing, so please bear with me when it looks like I may have gone on vacation - I promise I'll be back). The good thing is that those 6 or 7 loyal readers I once had are all related to me, so I'm pretty sure I can convince them to start reading again!

Happy blogging y'all! (I'm calling my parents to read this now!)

Not Another Resolution

2010-01-11T17:06:00.000-08:00

I have said before, and I will say it again, I am really not all that sold on the whole idea of New Year's resolutions. However, as I have also said before, January 1st does give a good fresh start to just about anything. So, along with trying to live a bit healthier, Hannah and I are reading through the Bible. Now, this isn't really a resolution....just want that to be crystal clear. If we give up in February and try again in May, so be it. I don't want to set ourselves up for failure by setting expectations that are too high. What I do want, is to encourage both of us to read God's word as often as possible!

Over the years I have tried several different ways to incorporate daily devotions into our lives, with little success. What could be better than actually reading the Bible? I am using the Daily Walk Bible and Hannah is using The One Year Bible - Kids Edition. It isn't the full Bible word for word, but it has 365 daily readings from Genesis to Revelation. I'm not sure which books or chapters aren't included, but I'm guessing the publisher was trying to make sure kids would stay attentive. I'm not suggesting that the Bible is boring, but to an 11 or 12 year old, the attention span can only handle so many "begats." We are on our 11th day and so far this is an incredible journey together. We are talking about what we read and it has sparked an interest in Hannah to learn more. She has asked lots of questions, some of which I don't know the answer to, so she asks grandpa as he is our go-to-theologian and Bible scholar.

I absolutely love reading the story of Abraham and Sarah. Maybe I love their story because I am almost 45 and still secretly hope God will bring more children into my life. After all, Sarah was around 90 when her beloved Isaac was finally born! Not that I want to give birth when I am ninety, but this story reminds me of two truths: God can do the impossible and He will do it, in His time not ours! I relate to Sarah on so many levels. I have to believe that in her heart she knew God would keep His promise, but as the years crept by, the doubt had to consumer her. In fact her doubt led her down the path of trying to help God out a little, by giving her maidservant to her husband. That sentence just boils over with trouble! But how many times in my own life have I tried to step in and "help God out?" Clearly, He needs my help....right? I love that God packed His word with people just like you and me. People who faced the same struggles we do.

Tonight I'll be reading about Jacob's dream and his flight from his brother Esau. Hannah will be reading about Sodom and Gomorrah....I'm sure that will bring a barrage of questions! I am excited about what the next few weeks and months will bring in our daily readings....not that this is a resolution or anything!

UPDATE TO SINGLE MOM COOKS:
The Panko-Crusted Pork Chops turned out great! Hannah really seemed to like them. Are they still healthy if you eat three of them?

Snow Snow Go Away

2010-01-07T12:30:00.001-08:00

We are beyond White Christmas now. We are looking at a "White Winter" and I'm fearful of a possible "White Spring!" Snow has been on the ground for 15 days so far, and there is no end in sight! The outside world looks like one big frozen white blanket. We will have a couple days of no new snow and then BAM, it snows again just adding to the already huge piles.

Looking out the window, while in the cozy comfort of home, the winter landscape is absolutely beautiful. The snow softly drapes each house and covers everything in sight. Oh but how this powdery stuff can really mess up life's plans. Hannah hasn't been in school since before the Christmas break and I just received an email that it will be canceled again tomorrow. Shoveling the driveway has become a daily chore and we all know how much I love shoveling the driveway! I once hoped that I would get to heaven without ever performing this task! I have a friend who has never in her life pumped her own gas! Her husband does it for her! Have mercy, she has a good man! Anyway, she has often said that she will in fact get to heaven without ever having pumped gas into her car! But alas, that is not my life and again today I was digging out a path from my garage to the road. When oh when will it end!

Hannah helped a little!

The Witch Hat Tree

2010-01-05T04:09:00.001-08:00

The mind of a child never ceases to amaze me. Children just see the world differently. They see animals in the sky instead of clouds and angels in the snow after wildly flapping their arms. Oh the things we could see through the eyes of a child.

Hannah has been taking dance lessons from the same studio for over six years, and for those six years we have traveled the same road from our house to the dance studio at least a million times. (It probably isn't really a million times, but math isn't my strongest suit, so I am guesstimating!) Several years ago on one of our treks to dance, Hannah said "look mom, it's the witch hat tree." Hmm, I had no idea what she was talking about. By the time I figured out she was trying to show me something, we were long past the tree in question. The next trip, she pointed it out again. "Wow, it really does look like a witch's hat," I said in surprise. I would have never seen it. It was just another big green tree. But through the eyes of a child. . .

Isn't it the same with our faith? If only we could keep that new child-like faith forever, how rich our walk with God could be. With the onset of the pre-teen years, it seems the world is already chipping away at Hannah's faith. She recently told me that God doesn't answer her prayers. "He answers other people's prayers, not mine," she said. Oh how I tried to explain that He does answer prayer and that He is delighted every time she talks to Him. But she had put up a wall and didn't want to hear anything about it. Girlfriend troubles at school had convinced her, at least for the moment, that she was on her own.

Jesus said the kingdom of God belongs to the little children and anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it (Luke 18:16-17). I pray Hannah will not lose that child-like faith she had when she first gave her heart to Jesus. I pray her faith will grow not diminish. And, I pray that along the road of life she will always be able to see the witch's hat instead of just a tree.

Single Mom Cooks

2010-01-04T04:18:00.000-08:00

Well, actually this single mom doesn't cook. At least not very often and certainly not very well. With the new year upon us, I thought it might be a good idea for both Hannah and me to start eating healthier foods. I'm not big on new year's resolutions, but January 1st does give a good fresh start to just about everything. Healthy homemade meals are scarce at our house...what with working full time, running here and there for dance, church, school activities, violin lessons, homework and trying to squeeze in some sleep. Taco Bell, McDonald's and Pizza Hut have become good friends! But alas, it is a new year. A new chance to live a bit healthier!

To get myself started I headed out to my friendly neighborhood bookstore with high hopes. Apparently just about everyone on the planet is looking for information about healthy eating....hence the huge display at the bookstore! I stood there browsing through the stacks of books promising better nutrition, great tasting food and a bikini body by Spring, and felt totally overwhelmed. How do you change a lifetime of habits? I scoured the recipe books and quickly put them back. These books are not written for the single mom! On top of having limited time and energy at the end of the day, my daughter is the world's pickiest eater. These recipe books are not for us. Hannah would NEVER eat "Braised Lamb Shanks" or "Pasta with Eggplant and Sun-Dried Tomatoes". Yes, there are a few simpler recipes but even those Hannah wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. Breakfast ideas like the "Quick and Easy Frittata" would not work in our home. So, I left the bookstore and went home feeling utterly defeated.

The next day, I dusted myself off and went back for more. I figured there just had to be a book that could help me make a healthier household! In fact, I had searched the handy dandy Internet and was sure a specific Weight Watchers book was just the thing I needed to head me in the right direction. Again, I stood in the aisle with hundreds of books and that familiar feeling of dread came over me. I found the book I had seen on the Internet and to my dismay it featured recipes like "Smoked Salmon, Dill and Red Onion Pizza." Again, she won't eat that!! And, this is the book that promises meals in just 20 minutes. I don't know about you, but there is no way I could make some kind of pizza with smoked salmon in just 20 minutes! I need the book titled "Easy, Healthy Recipes For the Single Mom with No Time and No Cooking Skills Whatsoever!" Oh, and add..."With A Picky Eater!" No one has written that book.

Once again, I felt defeated. My mind raced as I saw books about no sugar diets (that definitely won't work for us), and books about the power foods we should all be eating. There are books about this diet and that diet and how not to be on a diet and still lose weight! To take a word from my daughter...WHATEVER! Ugh! I just stood there in utter despair.

I'm a smart person; this shouldn't be that hard. And then I thought about the "Pineapple Story." This story was told by one of my favorite author's at a writer's conference. She was teaching us how to write a book. She likened the process to cutting up a pineapple. Fresh pineapple always seemed quite daunting to her. How do you actually get the fruit out of that scary looking thing? And, so she always bought canned pineapple, although she secretly craved the fresh juicy stuff you can only get from the real thing. Thanks to a friend, she discovered the secret to cutting the pineapple: cut it in smaller chunks. First, cut off the crown, then cut it in half, then half again, etc. Writing a book should be tackled in much the same way. Break it down in small, manageable chunks. Aha! The pineapple theory could work now. My problem was that I was trying to change a lifetime of habits immediately and I was looking for that one book with all the answers. I snatched up a simple healthy cookbook and headed home with a brand new attitude.

Don't get me wrong, this cookbook has some doozie recipes in it...like "Prosciutto-Wrapped Figs with Honey." I don't even begin to know where in the store I find the "figs!" But, there are some simpler recipes as well. I decided to tackle the whole healthy living thing one step at a time, starting with the pantry and the refrigerator. Out went all the pop and sugary snacky things. Don't worry I didn't actually throw good food and drink in the trash. Nope, I drank all the pop and ate many of the sugary snacks, but nonetheless they are now all out of our house! I went to the grocery store and stocked up on flavored water drinks, fruits and healthy snack items. I even planned a week's worth of meals. My goal is to work in one of the cookbook recipes at least once a week and this week we are going to try "Panko Crusted Pork Chops." I'll let you know how it goes! Happy New Year!

Christmas Coming Down

2010-01-01T06:45:00.000-08:00

This week I have slowly put away all things Christmas, from the Santa towels that hang in the bathroom to the beautiful porcelain nativity set to every last ornament adorning the tree. As I carefully wrapped up the Christmas decorations I couldn't help but think about what I was really packing away for another year.

Along with the all the trimmings of the season, it seems as if we also store away so much more. Why is it, life seems a bit different for the month that bridges Thanksgiving and Christmas? There is an innocent, hopeful sense of wonder that comes along just once a year. Life feels a little more shiny, inspiring and filled with potential. Time is spent with family and friends that we rarely see the rest of the year and for Christians, Jesus takes center stage.

Is the Christmas story just a story I pull out once a year? How often do I really think about how God designed His plan of salvation? As I laid the porcelain Mary and Joseph figurines into their box, I thought about the birth of my Savior. Nativity sets and Sunday School pictures depict a beautiful setting under the backdrop of a nice neat stable. But I suspect there was nothing nice and neat about the true place of Christ's birth. Mary was a teenager who had been asked to do the unthinkable - carry God's child. Did anyone believe her? Joseph didn't at first. Did she ever doubt what God was trying to do? I believe she probably did. Was she scared? She had to be. When it was finally time to give birth, she was far from home. She had traveled the long journey to Bethlehem and I'm sure she was tired, scared and homesick. There was no hospital with a fancy maternity ward. There was no epidural to help ease her pain. There was just her and Joseph, outside in a barn. The Bible doesn't give us a lot of details of the birth, but it was certainly humble to say the least.

With the last ornament packed away, my heart aches to keep Mary's story close for the year to come. Just an ordinary girl that God used in an extraordinary way.

If God could use Mary, He can use me as well. Not everything has to be put away until next year.

The Christmas story isn't just a story to be brought out for a month. It's a true story of how a loving but just God began His plan to save His people. Because, for you see, if not for the birth in that barn so many years ago, we would be lost in a world of sin with no hope. I pray that as the Christmas decorations come down, the hope of the season rings true in your life not just for a month, but for eternity.

The White Stuff and A Stocking Surprise

2009-12-28T05:41:00.000-08:00

Bing Crosby might have liked it, but a white Christmas is a big pain in the...well actually...it's a pain in everything! This morning I woke up and could barely move. I thought to myself, hmm it feels like I have been exercising, of which I really don't do very often. Then it hit me, duh, I shoveled a snow packed driveway! Every muscle in my body hurts and the worst part...I didn't completely finish the job, I was saving that for today! Ugh. I have lived in this house for almost nine years and have NEVER had to shovel my driveway. I have prided myself on my snow shoveling technique....just drive over the snow on the driveway until the snow is flat. And, I have never had any problems. I secretly laughed at those shoveling fools and thought why don't you just do what I do...drive right on over it. Even the stuff the road crews pack up to the edge of the driveway - not a problem for me and my car - we just drove right on over. Well not this year! The 2009 Christmas blizzard was quite a sight to see and there would be no driving right on over the piles of snow in my driveway. Plus, the road crews did quite a job piling a hedge of protection from any hope of getting out of the driveway! I got stuck twice in my driveway...or the road....hard to see where one begins and the other ends. I'm not sure I'll be singing the words of that white Christmas song ever again. Sorry, Bing, but I've had my fill! For more on this snowy Christmas story read here.

In addition to the white stuff that fell on Christmas eve, there were a few more surprises. Hannah awoke early on Christmas morning, as most kids do, and being the loving parent I am, I told her to go back to bed until 7:00! I finally relented at 6:30 and we headed down stairs to see what Santa had brought. She was delighted and surprised to find that Santa had brought her something she never thought she would get. It is hard to surprise Hannah. She has this weird talent that she can hold a wrapped present shaped liked all the other presents and tell you exactly what is in the box! It is weird. We have resorted to wrapping her gifts in multiple boxes to throw her off. But Santa gifts come unwrapped and she certainly knew, or at least she thought she knew exactly what Santa was bringing her. But he surprised her with a Wii! Never ever did she think she would get a wii. Hannah has wanted a wii for as long as they have been around, but I just couldn't justify spending the money on it. Until this year!

After she had opened her gifts from me, I went to feed the cat. As I headed back into the living room, she proudly popped up with my stocking. We have two stockings that hang on our fireplace mantle, one for her and one for me. Of course Santa only fills her stocking. But not this year! Hannah almost knocked me over as she handed me my stocking and said "look mom, Santa filled your stocking this year!" "Oh how exciting," I exclaimed as I apprehensively looked inside. I figured she had scoured the house looking for some things to fill my stocking, but no, it was filled with great little gifts, just for me! A new pair of gloves, a warm fuzzy pair of socks, perfume, and more! Wow, I was stunned! I have to admit that I enjoyed reaching my hand down into the stocking with the anticipation of what I would find! Turns out I have the best, most thoughtful sister-in-law in the world! She purchased these thoughtful little surprises and asked Hannah to hide them and then fill my stocking when I wasn't looking. Hannah played it out perfectly.

As I think back over the past few days, I am in awe of my many blessings. I am in awe that the God of the universe, the creator of all things, is mindful of me. I am in awe that He loved me enough to create me, but even more to save me. The greatest Christmas gift of all is God's gift of eternal life through His son Jesus. 2009 has been a Christmas to remember.

2009 Christmas Letter

2009-12-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

For those of you not on my Christmas card list, here is a post of this year's Christmas letter!

I was beginning to wonder if this letter was going to get written this year! Life has just been so busy lately. I love this time of year, but it seems even busier than usual. I started out with such high hopes for the Christmas season – our tree was up and the house was decorated before Thanksgiving (thanks to a little, I mean a lot, of help from my mom). But unfortunately that is where the story ends. To Hannah’s dismay, our house sits dark in a neighborhood lighted for the season. I have not had the time to dig out our outside decorations. Yes, we are probably known across the neighborhood as the house without lights! The outside may look gloomy, but inside all the halls are decked with holly…um…well, really with fake greenery from Hobby Lobby, but who can tell the difference!

I can’t believe 2009 is coming to a close. The most notable news of the year is that Hannah is now officially in middle school. We are in the throes of what I affectionately call middle school madness - complete with girl drama, boy craziness and a side of pre-teen attitude. Mix in the hormones of adolescence and all I can say is MERCY! If this is a pre-curser to the teen years I am doomed! I am, however re-learning all my communications skills. Hannah now has her own cell phone and I have discovered a whole new language the young-ins use today: IDK, CUL8R, G2G…any guesses? I think

we may be raising a generation that won’t be able to spell or maybe they’ll rewrite the dictionary and lol will be an actual word! I never thought I would utter these words, but oh my how the world has changed since I was a kid!

I’ve been doing a lot of business travel lately. Most of the travel is north of here, which is great in the summer, but not so great in the winter. I have always feared getting stuck somewhere because of bad weather and last week that fear was realized. A group of co-workers and I found ourselves snowed in…in Des Moines! 15 inches of snow kept us hotel bound for an extra day. I have never seen snow quite like that before. It basically shut down the whole town, even Burger King was closed! Luckily we found a Super Target open so we could get some necessities and food. Believe it or not some of us went to Iowa in December without gloves! I think the 6 of us collectively made Target’s sales goal for the day. While we were there we decided to make the best of the situation and we bought white elephant Christmas presents. I should probably mention that we got our rented minivan stuck in the Target parking lot and nice strangers helped dig us out. That night in the hotel we exchanged our gifts while we dined on Papa John’s pizza – the only place brave enough to deliver! Ah, making memories with my co-workers!

In April I became a published writer! My first published article entitled, The Monster in the Crowd, appeared in a local Christian news magazine. I was so excited to see my name in print! But with the victory came defeat. Riding on the adrenaline of getting published, I sent off another article to one of my favorite Christian Women’s magazines. The thrill of being published came to a screeching halt with the sting of rejection. I’ll try again. I just have to believe that God is going to use the whole single parent to the strong willed child thing to His glory! I’ll keep you posted on the writing front! I’m still writing a blog, although I haven’t had a chance to write in it much lately. I hope to get back to it soon and write more often. Feel free to drop by sometime: (http://sweetmothermolasses.blogspot.com).

We are so grateful to God for His many blessings. We look forward to what He has in store for us in the coming year. BFN! (For those of you not fluent in text, let me translate – Bye For Now!)

Merry Christmas

Krista and Hannah Grier

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to

harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Best Laid Plans

2009-10-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago my best friend from high school came in town. We had been orchestrating this "girls weekend" for months and I had every minute planned perfectly. The timing for our get-together was centered around a high school reunion on the last night of our weekend. Every "i" had been dotted and every "t" was crossed. This was going to be the best "girls weekend" ever!

My friend was actually staying at my house. Usually when she comes in town she stays with her dad, but this time we were taking advantage of every minute as a girlfriend's retreat. Things started off perfectly. I met her and her dad for breakfast on Thursday, the first day of our 4-day weekend, and then she and I went shopping while my daughter was in school. The day was absolutely beautiful. We couldn't have created better weather. We shopped like only two girls that haven't seen each other for long time can, hitting every store and some stores more than once! We bought outfits, shoes, accessories and even had a wonderful Italian salad while sitting on the patio of a great little cafe style restaurant. Yes, this was a beautiful start to what was sure to be a nothing-less-than-perfect weekend.

Until, that is, the first sign of a mishap. As we finished shopping we were heading back to my house when my daughter called and asked me to pick up some cough drops for a little bit of a sore throat. Hmm. I should have probably thought more of the fact that my 11 year old daughter was asking for medicine, but I didn't. The plan was to take Hannah to her dance class that night and my mom would pick her up. Hannah was going to stay with my parents for the first night as my friend and I enjoyed a night out with some old friends. Not long after we dropped Hannah off at dance, she texted me saying she really wasn't feeling well. Hmm. Again, probably should have taken that a little more seriously. My mom picked her up early and our evening went as planned. We had a great time connecting with our first batch of old friends, but oh how much more we had in store for the days and nights to come.

At 6:30 Friday morning my mom called to tell me Hannah was definitely sick. I rushed to my parent's house and took Hannah to the morning walk-in clinic at her doctor's office. I had a bad feeling about this, and my mother's intuition turned out to be right. She had the flu! The doctor explained that she tested positive for influenza A, but most likely she had the H1N1 strain. They are only testing for H1N1 in the hospital so she could not tell me definitively which strain she had. There has been so much news about this particular strain of flu that even my daughter has heard some of the horrors. As we got on the elevator to leave the doctor's office, Hannah looked up at me and asked me if she was going to die. Wow, my heart ruptured into pieces! I explained that there was no reason to believe she wouldn't recover from this yucky bug, and most likely she would be feeling like her old self in a few days. The doctor was not alarmed and didn't even prescribe anything but fluids and ibuprofen. The flu can certainly be dangerous, but with her strong immune system she would recover just fine.

Plans interrupted in a major way! I had made arrangements for Hannah to stay with different people each night of my girls excursion and now she had the flu, the very contagious kind of flu! I felt so horribly torn. My baby was so sick and yet my friend, who only comes in town every few years, was expecting a weekend filled with friends and fun. After arriving home from the doctor's office, I tucked Hannah into my bed, as my friend was staying in her room, and got her as comfortable as possible. My friend and I talked about what we were going to do. My parent's had already been exposed to Hannah so they would be the obvious choice to care for her if I continued the original game plan with my friend, but they had a reunion of their own to attend. This was the weekend of my mom's 50th high school reunion, in fact I knew several people with high school reunions happening at this same time. Must have been nostalgia in the air or something!

Who do you call to watch a sick pre-teen? It's kind of hard to find a babysitter when you have to start the sentence with "my daughter has the flu but," not too many takers on that one! I tried to find "rent-a-nurse," but no such organization seems to exist for what I was needing. I called a friend who was a nurse and asked her if she knew anyone, who had already received the flu shot that would be interested in making a little extra money. Um, no. Wow, things were looking bleak!

We had a get-together with some high school girlfriends set for late Friday afternoon and then planned to meet up with more friends later in the evening. We canceled the first part as we still didn't have an answer to the babysitter problem. We both had been excited to see these friends as they weren't coming to the reunion on the following night, but oh well, plans had to be altered. Finally my mom came to the rescue. My dad, who could take or leave my mom's 50th high school reunion, would stay back and watch Hannah. This way my mom and I could both enjoy our festivities. THANK YOU DAD!

Although the first part of our Friday night plans had been canceled, the second part went off without a hitch. That is, until we were home and everyone was blissfully enjoying dreamland. At about 3:15 in the morning we were all awakened to the smoke alarm going off! Good grief!! What else could possibly go wrong!! There was no fire, must have been dust or something that triggered it. Can, I just say one more time GOOD GRIEF!! My friend stays with me for a once in a lifetime weekend and I expose her to the flu, disrupt months of planning and startle her from her sleep with an ear-splitting smoke alarm! I'm sure she will never stay with me again!

The final day of our weekend actually went well. Hannah was already starting to feel a little better. We stayed in most of the day doing fun girly things. We cut and colored my hair, tried on clothes and prepared for a fun night of seeing high school classmates. We made a quick trip to the mall to return some shoes and it was there my throat started hurting. Have mercy, I just couldn't be getting sick! After a quick nap, believe it or not, I was raring to go...no sickness here! Thanks to my babysitter hero, my dad, we were off for our last night of fun. We had a great dinner with my friend's dad and then headed to the reunion. The next morning she headed back home and thank God never has gotten the flu! The best laid plans proved to be worthless, but all-in-all it is a weekend neither of us will ever forget! I have the pictures to prove it!

Shaved Legs and Grown Up Stores

2009-09-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

The last couple of months have included some major rites of passage for Hannah. And, I'm not all that thrilled with them! Hannah has been bugging me for over a year to start shaving her legs. I have resisted for a couple of reasons. First, she is my little girl! And second, shaving your legs isn't all that fun after the first few times and then you're stuck with shaving for the rest of your life. Unless of course you get some fancy schmancy laser hair removal, but let's not even go there!

So I finally relented. This year is her first year in middle school and let me tell you that middle school is one very big deal! About a week before school started Hannah and I went to the grocery store specifically to get her a razor and shaving cream. She picked out an orange Venus razor and mango shaving cream. Yes, I said mango! She was so excited about this, you would have thought she'd just won the lottery or something. As soon as we were home from the store she was bugging me to show her how to shave. We both sat on the edge of the bathtub and lathered our legs with mango shaving cream. The whole bathroom smelled like mangos! I wasn't sure a razor would actually get through all the cream on her legs, but I was kind of okay with that! I went first, showing her how to hold the razor while explaining how much pressure you should apply. I warned her about the possibility of nicks and cuts, but to my surprise she finished without one single scrape. She was so proud of her newly shaved legs. She must have asked me to feel how soft they were at least 10 times!

Of course no girl should start middle school without some new clothes, so we went shopping. Once at the mall, I headed off in the direction of our favorite girl's store just to discover that she doesn't like shopping at "kids" stores anymore. Nope. She wanted to go to grown up places like Aeropostale, American Eagle and Hollister. As we walked into Hollister, Hannah looked up at me and shouted "IT'S TOO LOUD" in here mom! Oh thank heavens, I wasn't the only one that thought that store was too loud! So, Hollister may still be just a little too grown up for her, but the other places were just right. We found her some cute clothes and even a tote for school, but I have to admit I'm just not ready to move up to the grown up stores. I want to keep my little girl little for as long as possible. Shaved legs and grown up stores...good heavens, I'm the mother of a middle-schooler!

Welcome

2009-09-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new blog address. I hope you like my new layout! I am changing things up a bit, so check out my new "about me" section and take a look around. If you're wondering about my new title it was coined by my daughter. You can read all about it in this post. I think the term "Sweet Mother Molasses" sums up my single mom life...sometimes sweet and sometimes sticky! My desire is that this blog will be something my daughter will enjoy reading when she is a little older. Right now she is not all that crazy about the fact I blog about her! I also hope it will be an encouragement to others and most of all I hope it will honor my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Cha Cha Cha Changes!

2009-09-03T16:03:00.000-07:00

As you can see by my new layout, I am making some changes to my blog! I hope to start posting much more frequently and will soon update my "about me" section to better explain my new name of Sweet Mother Molasses! I will also be changing my url in the next day or so...please take the new url and mark as one of your favs!

It's God Speaking

2009-08-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just know it is a God thing! Without a doubt you know God is speaking to you, directing you and orchestrating people, places and events just to talk to you! This happened to me recently, but to be completely honest I wasn’t really all that crazy about what God was saying!

My daughter and I are members of a large Southern Baptist church that is in major growth mode. Both of us have been feeling a little lost in the big sea of people. I have struggled over the years to find a Sunday School class that is a good fit. You would think with over 26 Adult Sunday School offerings at least one class would fit like a glove. But much like in the OJ Simpson trial, the glove just doesn’t seem to fit! I am usually the token single person in a class of couples. Hannah has also felt disconnected. She doesn’t have any good friends at church. I know how important it is for her to have Christian friends, especially during the turbulent teenage years. I even considered that maybe God was leading us to a different church. But I love my pastor and his wife and I don’t believe in church hopping! One Sunday the pastor gave a sermon about finding contentment in being exactly where God has you right now and I thought " well okay God, you must want me to stay." But how can I get connected? How can God use me here?

A few weeks ago, on a Saturday, I had a dentist appointment. I should mention my dentist is also my pastor’s wife. As soon as I sat down in the chair, she announced she had a ministry idea for me. She said she knew the perfect place for me to serve in the church. I was intrigued. “You should be a greeter,” she said. My heart sank a little….I don’t really want to be a greeter. But I politely thanked her for thinking of me and told her I would consider it. She went on about how my personality is perfect for this ministry and helping out behind the welcome desk would be ideal. Hmmm. “I don’t think so,” I thought to myself.

The next day during Sunday School (yes, I am the only single person in the class) we had a guest teacher. His lesson was about the gifts of the Spirit and how each of us is gifted to serve. He finished his lesson with a plug for the ministry area he currently serves in….the greeters ministry! Good grief! I have never heard anything about this ministry until now. I clearly knew it existed but beyond that nothing! Now in the course of two days I was confronted about being a part of it. Again, I don’t really want to be a greeter. I am a WRITER. I have such high hopes for how God can use my writing to both encourage and evangelize. I don’t want to be a greeter! But it did seem God was directing me directly to the welcome desk

After Sunday School I found the pastor’s wife and told her what had been mentioned in class. She nodded with that I-told-you-so look and gave me a smile. I told her I would email the person in charge to find out more about it. Monday came and went. I didn’t really have time to email about it. And then Tuesday came and went. I thought about it and figured I would eventually email about it, but maybe not. I'm not sure I want to be a greeter. And then came Wednesday. Wednesday evening I received a phone call from the person in charge of the greeters ministry. He started the conversation with saying he had heard I was interested in helping out with this ministry. Huh? I hadn’t sent an email yet. I hadn’t called anyone? Well okay God, I guess you want me to be a greeter! I should probably listen and say yes. We all know what happened to Jonah when he said no to God! I am all for avoiding the whole swallowed by a whale thing!

God may still use my writing someday. But today, He needs me behind the welcome desk greeting visitors and others looking for their place at church. Things have gotten better for Hannah as well. She has made a few friends and had a blast at church camp a couple of weeks ago! It is an amazing thing when you KNOW without a doubt, it's God speaking!

Discouraged, Frustrated, and a Little Green in the Eyes

2009-07-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

I usually love checking my email. It's kind of like checking the mail box and hoping for a letter from an old friend or getting an unexpected party invitation. But, Sunday night sitting in my inbox was disappointment all bundled up in a nice, neat email!

I had written and submitted an article to one of my favorite Christian magazines. I had high hopes they would love my writing and be eager to publish my stellar piece of work. But no, my article was rejected. Ughh. There is nothing fun about rejection. It stings.

My first reaction to the email was sheer frustration. I really believe God has given me the desire to write and I thought He was leading me in a certain direction. But it seems everywhere I turn doors close rather than open. Double ughh!

After sharing my feelings of frustration with a friend, she pointed out that this seems a lot like what Paul went through in Acts chapter 16. Paul and his companions had gone to Asia to preach the gospel. I am sure they were excited about the potential of adding to God's kingdom in Asia, but God had different plans. They then went to Mysia and tried to enter Bithynia, but God didn't want them there either. I imagine Paul was at least a little frustrated at times, wondering where in the world God was leading him. Especially given that this was long before the airplane or even the automobile was invented. Paul and his group didn't have a friendly flight attendant passing out complimentary chocolate chip cookies or selling headphones to plug into the on-flight movie. They were walking across the continents of Asia and Europe! Finally, through a vision, Paul figured out God wanted them to go to Macedonia and preach.

I'm all for going to Macedonia, just point me in the right direction! My frustration quickly turned to comparison. "I will never be as good of a writer as so-and-so," I thought. "Maybe I am wasting my time writing," my mind continued. I have a long list of Christian writer/speakers I admire and comparing myself to them is a losing battle every time! Before I knew it, frustration and comparison turned to a bit of jealously. I found myself jealous of published writers. "Why do they get picked and I don't," I whined (to myself of course).

While still reeling from the sting of rejection, my daughter, who had just returned from a week long visit with her dad, wanted to show me a picture of her soon-to-be-step-mom's wedding dress. Triple Ughh! Her dad and his girlfriend are planning to get married on the beach in Maui at sunset. MAUI AT SUNSET!!!

When can it be my turn already!! I want to be picked! I want to be loved! I wanted to be used by God! Jealousy and comparison are destroyers of joy. The enemy delights in my insecurities and wants me to give up. Satan would love it if I never wrote another thing!

After a weekend of feeling discouraged, frustrated and a little green in the eyes, I was surprised as I sat down at my desk on Monday. I picked up my daily devotion calendar which sits on my desk at work and read the following entry for July 27th: "Lord, help me to understand the call You have on my life. Take away any discouragement I may feel and replace it with joyful anticipation of what You are going to do through me. Use me as Your instrument to make a positive difference in the lives of those who You put in my path." Hmm. Enough said.

The Return of the Happy Camper

2009-07-21T14:43:00.001-07:00

"Here come the buses," someone shouted. The crowd of parents and siblings inched toward the parking lot, anxiously awaiting the arrival of their happy camper. I scanned the windows of the three school buses as they pulled in, hoping for a glimpse of Hannah, but to no avail. I would just have to wait until she piled off her bus along with over 100 other kids!

I couldn't wait to see her. She had only been gone for two nights but I missed her terribly. I was shocked by how much I missed her. With regular visitation at her dad's house, she is away from home quite a bit. But when she is at her dad's I at least talk to her on the phone and each night we plan to meet in our dreams. There would be no meeting in our dreams this past weekend. Parents were not supposed to call unless it was an emergency.

My heart was heavy with anticipation. I wasn't sure which Hannah was about to get off the bus. Was I about to encounter MAD Hannah. Mad that I had sent her away to the wilderness much like the Israelites? I remember when she was little and rode her very first roller coaster. She got off the ride MAD as could be and told me that she would never, ever ride another roller coaster again and I couldn't make her! Funny, she loves roller coasters now!

Maybe I would find SAD Hannah. Sad because the homesick bug had bitten, much like when I was a child away at camp. Or sad because she didn't make any friends and had spent the last two days feeling alone. Pre-teen girls are starting to get cliquey at this age and I worried Hannah might feel left out. Oh how I hoped there would be no SAD Hannah.

Maybe she would be TIRED Hannah. Too tired to tell me all of the wonderful things she had done at camp because she was literally exhausted from all the fun. I knew this one was a big possibility.

But maybe I would find HAPPY Hannah; overflowing with excitement of all she'd experienced during her first time at church camp.

It felt like an eternity as I watched kids reuniting with their families. I stood on my tip-toes trying to find Hannah through the sea of kids. Finally, there she was with a huge smile on her face. We hugged and she said "it was great mom!" In the car, she began talking a mile a minute about all her favorites things and all her new friends. Her absolute favorite was quiet time. She was reading the book of Ruth and taking notes in a new journal given to the 6th grade girls. "After Ruth, I am going to read Esther and after Esther, I plan to read the entire book of Genesis," she said.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers and giving Hannah a thirst for you!

Ah, HAPPY Hannah is finally back home!

Hoping For A Happy Camper

2009-07-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

I have a few not-so-totally-happy memories of church camp. I remember being horribly homesick and hot! Even at youth camp, when I was 14, I recall missing my mom and dad like crazy. This seems somewhat comical given that just a few short years later, the time period I like to refer to as the rebel-without-a-cause-years began, and home was the last place I wanted to be. Nonetheless, at 14 I didn't like camp all that much.

Today, with my memories tucked away, I sent Hannah to church camp for the first time. And I find myself flooded with emotion. I am excited and a little scared for her. Last night while we were packing she admitted she was feeling a bit nervous about the whole camp thing. Before I go on too much more, I should probably explain that this camp is for one weekend only. She will be back on Sunday afternoon. Next year she will be able to attend youth camp, so the weekend kid's camp is a good way for her to dip her toe into the sleep-away camp experience.

Last night, Hannah diligently packed her suitcase, making sure she had everything she would need. With the "things to bring to camp" list in one hand, she checked off the items already packed. Bible. Check. Writing pen. Check. Swimsuit. Check. Shorts. Check. Toothpaste. Check. She checked away until every last item was packed, which ended up requiring a bigger suitcase. I smiled as I watched her. It may be just a weekend away, but this camp thing is a big deal!

As we pulled into the church parking lot today, she again told me she was scared. What if there is a spider in my bed or a snake in the pond while we are swimming? What if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? I think I eased these fears at least a little. I told her I am fairly certain there won't be spiders in the beds and that she won't be swimming in a pond, but rather a typical swimming pool. I explained that the cabins all had restrooms and she would know where to go if her bladder came a calling in the middle of the night. Even still, I could sense her apprehension as we placed her suitcase, sleeping bag and pillow on the church bus. I said goodbye and told her I hoped she has a good time. She said, "me too mom," and then gave me a look of horror as I tried to kiss her on the cheek in front of the other kids! Have mercy, she is a pre-teen!

I know she will have a blast. I pray that God will use this experience to draw her closer to Him and that she will bond with the other girls at camp. Oh how I hope she comes back with a thirst for God and a suitcase filled with irreplaceable memories of her first trip to church camp.

Belonging

2009-07-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

Most of you know my story. It's a story of how infertility led to the miracle of adoption. Our daughter could be no more ours had we actually conceived and birthed her. She is one of us. She is our child. Plain and simple.

And for the most part she loves the fact that she is adopted. She knows it is just another way God creates families. She knows that her birth mother hand-picked us to be her parents. She knows God has a special plan for her life. In our prayers each night she hears me thank God for bringing her into my life and making me her mom.

But adoption does come with some challenges. This past school year she had a project that required her to research her family heritage. The kids at school were sharing all about the interesting places their ancestors had come from, and although Hannah used our lineage--which by the way isn't' all that interesting, she knew that her true genetic heritage was a mystery. Is she Russian? Is there some German inside her blood? Maybe she has relatives living in a small tribe in Ethiopia. Could she be related to royalty? She will probably never know. She has decided that she is in fact Irish. I suppose it is possible she is a bit Irish, but highly unlikely! I don't think I'll start calling her O'Hannah any time soon!

These moments, when adoption is accentuated, break my heart a little. She is MY daughter. But these moments remind me that we have a natural desire to belong. We need to fit somewhere. A few weeks ago Hannah and I went to a local amusement park with my brother and his family. As I was downloading the pictures from that day, there was one of all of us. Hannah took one look at the picture and said she didn't look like she belonged to this family. My heart ached. She said she looked like some random friend we brought with us to the park. Didn't belong? Just some random friend? She is MY daughter. Hannah is bi-racial and compared to the rest of us in the picture she does look different. She has darker skin and darker hair. The rest of us are fair and somewhat freckled.

She may not have my nose or my skin color, or thank God my horrible eye sight, but she does have my heart. She has my love for laughter, the same over-the-top desire to perform for anyone who will watch, my lack of math skills and a little bit of my sloppiness. Yep, she is MY daughter and she does belong!

Father in Heaven,
I pray for this precious child. I pray that she will know how much she is loved and that she does belong. I pray that she will see the beauty in adoption and that she will know Your hand has held her from the moment she was conceived. And that although you knit her together in another womb, You were the one that hand-picked us to be her parents. I thank you for hearing my prayers and for making me not just someone's mother, but Hannah's mother.
Amen

But Nothing

2009-07-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

Have you wondered why I haven't posted anything lately? Did you wonder if maybe I'd been sick, out of town, too busy at work or maybe that the bloggy monsters had kidnapped me? Well I have been out of town a time or two and work is certianly busy, but neither of these are the reasons for the lack of published ponderings.

I have wanted to write in my blog. I have yearned to add words to this lonely piece of cyberspace. But to no avail. I've racked my brain trying to come up with an idea to write about. But nothing. Oh, occasionally an idea would come and I would sit down at the computer to write and I would just sit there. But nothing. About two weeks after my last post it became clear I had a strange condition affecting my brain known as writer's block! But nothing.

According to dictionary.com, writer's block is defined as "a usually temporary condition in which a writer finds it impossible to proceed with the writing of a novel, play, or other work." Yes, sirree, I've had myself a big ol' case of writer's block! But the good news, according to dictionary.com is that it is temporary!

So to cure my case of the "but nothings" I have decided to write about the nothingness quandary. This feels a little like a Seinfeld episode...a blog post about....well, nothing!

The No "P" Diet

2009-06-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

Today I am wearing a skirt. Several people have asked if I have a client meeting today. Nope. No client meeting today. I am wearing a skirt, because I couldn't find any clean pants that fit! Good grief! I was standing in my closet looking around at all the choices and realized I really only have a few pairs of pants that fit. Over the last several years a few pounds have somehow crept their way onto my body. I'm still not totally convinced some closet gremlins didn't alter my pants! But whatever the reason, unlike Cinderella, they just don't FIT!

During my drive into work I was thinking about the extra pounds and the ill-fitted pants as well as lying by the pool this summer. As I took a drink of my pop, a funny thought entered my head. There were a lot of "P's" in that thought. Maybe I should start the no "P" diet. I would just eliminate any food and drink that could be classified to start with the letter "P". That would include pop, pizza, pasta, pretzels, pastries, pistachios, popsicles and much more. Yes, there are some good foods that start with the letter "P" such as pineapple, pears, plums and peaches. But in the name of a fun diet idea, I could get my fruit from other letters of the alphabet such as a-pples, g-rapes, r-aspberries, and b-ananas.

I have a trip to Las Vegas coming up at the beginning of August...plenty of time to lose a little weight and get in better shape. Last year on this annual business trip I vowed to myself that next year I wouldn't be as self-conscious by the pool side. Nothing like being by the pool with a bunch of co-workers! I have tried and failed at just plain old dieting. I get bored and I feel deprived. So, maybe putting a little pizazz into my diet will do the trick. I'm going to try it for a few weeks and see what happens.

Please don't misunderstand. There is no scientific data that shows any significance to eating or eliminating foods that begin with the letter "P". I am a firm believer in a balanced healthy diet combined with exercise and I usually dismiss all the fad diets. But adding a little harmless fun might be helpful. I'll let you know how it goes. I plan to start tomorrow...dinner tonight is pork chops and potatoes!

Growing Up

2009-05-25T16:58:00.000-07:00

All the days and nights spent praying and crying out to God for a baby seem so far away, nothing more than a faint memory. But this past Friday at the 5th grade awards ceremony, all those feelings came flooding back. How has the time gone by so quickly? As I watched Hannah receive her awards, her life flashed before my eyes. In an instant I was whisked back to the phone call saying we had been chosen by a birth mother. I saw in my mind's eye that very special fax that came through a few weeks later saying "it's a girl." I remember every detail about the long drive to the hospital and I could actually feel her birth mother place her in my arms. I remember her tiny toes. She was so small, so beautiful and the most perfect baby I had ever seen. Years had been spent wondering if I would ever be someone's mother. And finally God answered yes.

That precious child, God's answer to my prayers, looked so grown up, ready to take on not just middle school, but possibly the world. I am so proud of her and so humbled that God chose me to be her mom.

Congratulations Hannah, I am so proud of you!

The Hat Lady

2009-05-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

Oh if I only had time to give my all, what a job I would do! I find that I am juggling so many different hats, I'm not sure which one I am wearing!

The NUTRITIONIST hat:
If I had time, I would be the best nutritionist! I would create meals that were healthy, tasty and even fun! I would have a house stocked with the perfect amount of each food group, for well balance diets. If only I had the time. A couple of weeks ago Hannah had a full day of dance competition. We were up at 5:00 am and she was dressed, and ready to go for her first dance at 7:30. We grabbed a bag of donuts to eat on the way. She packed some snacks for the day and of course, the convention center had a concession-stand stocked with a gaggle of goodies. By late afternoon we were finished and headed back home. I swung through McDonald's since we hadn't really had much of a chance to eat anything substantial. Hannah was still full of energy and said she wasn't hungry. She did however, ask if she could have a chocolate shake. When we got home it dawned on me that so far for the day, which was close to being over, Hannah's diet had included several chocolate donuts, a box of Dots candy, a Sprite and a chocolate shake. Not a fruit, vegetable or ounce of protein anywhere! Have mercy!

The FINANCIAL MANAGER hat:
With the current economy I have tried to tighten the belt so to speak. I have created extensive spreadsheets to track every penny earned and spent as well as all debt owed. Bottom line, like most households, I need to try to decrease spending and increase income! Oh how my head is filled with ways to create an additional stream of income, that good ole' entrepreneurial spirit is fighting to come out. But my head is also filled with a lot of other things and that spirit gets quickly squashed. If I had the time, I would have a vending machine route, an eBay store, a few items for sale on Craig's list along with my full time job, and I would clip so many coupons that the grocery store would owe me money!

The SPIRITUAL LEADER hat:
My most important job as Hannah's mom is to teach her about Jesus. I wish I could write about all the wonderful and creative ways I accomplish this job. I wish I could brag about our daily devotions and how I incorporate activities to bring God's Word to life. But I can't. It isn't for a lack of trying! For awhile we were reading one Proverb each morning before Hannah left for school. We read the verse and I would provide a little mom commentary. We prayed and then she left for the day. This was great until that first day we were running late and it fell to the way side. Recently I started reading the New Testament to Hannah each evening before bed. We took one verse (Matthew 5:16) to memorize and my hope is to add another verse monthly. I have printed out our memorization verse and posted it all over the house. And then we had a late night and didn't have our nightly reading. I haven't given up on this one yet, but I need to get back in the habit of reading each night. Recently we purchased a book from our church bookstore - "A Case For Faith for Kids" by Lee Strobel. I hope to start reading this book together as well as finishing the book of Matthew. If only I had the time....oh the things we could do!

I also have the full time job hat, the kid-friendly taxi driver hat, the house cleaner hat...enough hats to fill a closet! Sometimes all these hats give me a headache! And for that I put on my nurse hat...take two aspirin and call it a night!

Celebrating Mom

2009-05-07T11:40:00.000-07:00

If you have forgotten that Mother's Day is this weekend, then you have not been listening to Christian talk radio this week! Every time I get in my car I hear another beautiful story of one of the many God fearing mothers of the Bible. Yesterday I heard the heart-wrenching, but yet heart-warming tale of Jochebed, the mother of Moses. I can't imagine what she went through desperately wanting to save her precious baby. I hurt for her as I think of her laying her child in a basket and pushing it off to float down stream. But God in His sovereignty had a plan, not just for Moses, but also for Jochebed. Today I heard an interesting twist on the story of Hannah, which gave a little more attention to her nemesis, Penniah. I love the story of Hannah because I feel such a kinship with her, but I have to admit I haven't ever really given much thought to Penniah. After all, she wasn't very nice to Hannah. Although Penniah had many children, she had a husband that was much more in love with his other wife and that had to be hard for her to bear. Here is yet another example of why two wives is one wife too many!

As I have listened to these stories this week it has made me think about my own mother. The older I get the more I appreciate everything about my mom. I certainly wasn't the easiest kid to raise! But thank God, she hung in there with me and today I am proud to say she is more than my mom, she is truly my best friend. In honor of Mother's Day I thought I would share with the bloggy world a few of my favorite memories of me and my mom.

The DQ Memory. When I was just a toddler we lived next door to a Dairy Queen. You can't get much better than being just a few steps away from the creamy goodness better known as a Dilly Bar and don't even get me started blogging about the deliciousness of the Peanut Buster Parfait! I have some wonderful, although faint, memories of walking next door to DQ hand in hand with my mom. She told me that once I threw a terrible fit because she wouldn't buy Linda an ice cream cone; Linda was my imaginary friend!

The Trip to Phoenix Memory. My cousin was getting married in a small Arizona town about an hour outside of Phoenix. My mom and I decided to make the trip and turn it into a vacation just for girls! We flew into Phoenix, rented a car and drove the hour long trip to Cottonwood. This was long before the handy-dandy directions from mapquest or the GPS lady telling you she needs to recalculate. No, we were on our own. And my mother assured me we would have no trouble finding the church. After all how hard can it be to find the Assemblies of God church in a small town like Cottonwood, Arizona! Um....I have four words, "needle in a haystack!" We drove around Cottonwood for what felt like hours. I really don't know how long it took until we finally stopped and asked for directions. We would have never found it! I do believe I wanted to stop for directions early on, but my mom was sure she could find it. We laughed so hard as we just kept driving and driving and driving! After we finally found our way, our trip was incredible. My favorite part of the trip was the time we spent driving through Sedona, what a beautiful place! This mom and daughter vacation is a memory I will cherish forever!

Becoming a Mom Memory. As I have blogged about many times, my daughter Hannah is adopted. We were able to pick her up from the hospital the day she was born. That was the best day of my life! We woke up a family of two and by night's end we were in a Super 8 Motel, a family of three! Hannah was born in a neighboring state about 5 hours away from our home. The day after Hannah was born, my mom drove down through a snow storm to stay with us for a few days. We were required to stay in the town for the first few days and then we were to remain in the state for one week. Luckily my parents lived in the same state where Hannah was born so we were able to stay with them. When we pulled into my parent's driveway they had a sign declaring "It's a Girl" in their yard and on their door. After all the years of wishing, hoping and praying for a child, my dream had finally come true and seeing those signs meant the world to me. I am so blessed my mom was there to share it with me.

As we celebrate Mother's Day this coming Sunday I am grateful that God gave me such a wonderful mom that not only loved me, but first loved Him!Thanks Mom and Happy Mother's Day!

My First Published Article

2009-05-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

As I blogged about a couple of posts ago, I am now officially a published writer. An article written by me is in the April/May issue of a local Christian magazine called Family Journal. Click to download and view a pdf of the magazine (it doesn't save to your computer, downloading just opens the document from my account on KeepAndShare. ). The table of contents, which is my favorite part, is on page 4 and my article is on page 30! Just thought I would share!

Can You See Jesus Through All The Grumpy?

2009-05-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday I was in a bit of a grumpy mood. Nothing major had caused my grumpiness, it was just one of those mornings. It wasn't an all out bad mood, just a little bit of annoying grumpy. Hannah was at her dad's and maybe missing her contributed to my mood. My spring allergies are in full bloom so maybe a head full of sinus pressure had something to do with it. But whatever it was, it was a tiny case of grumpy!

As soon as I got to church I discovered there were no aisle seats available in my usual section of seating. GRUMPY! I went around to the other side and found an aisle seat; it was not on the side I wanted, but it would have to do. It is amazing how we are such creatures of habit! As I sat in my seat wondering why I was in such a mood, a man came down and asked if the seats next to me were taken. "No, have a seat," I said. He and his wife sat down in the seats next to me.

No sooner had the man sat down before he declared he needed to get up and go talk to someone. Our pew aisles are fairly narrow, so in order for him to get passed me, I had to completely move my legs around to the side of the chair. I smiled at him, but in my head I was having a conversation about how if he wanted to sit by me, he should sit! As soon as these thoughts swirled in my head, he was back. Once again I had to move my legs to the side to let him in. I smiled, but on the inside I was GRUMPY!

This particular Sunday was the dedication service for our new sanctuary. Several guests were joining us and would be recognized during the service. I was reading through my church bulletin when the man leaned over and said "it's a beautiful sanctuary, don't you think?" Oh, great, I thought, now he's a talker. Now don't get me wrong, I am usually a very friendly person but I was having one of those airplane moments. You know, where you just want to sit and enjoy the ride, but sure enough you get seated next to someone that wants to divulge their life story to a complete stranger.

Please understand I was not unfriendly, I just was a bit grumpy....and the grumpy was only evident on the inside (where of course God can see, but man can not!). I agreed that yes, our new sanctuary is beautiful. A couple of people came by and shook this man's hand and told him how glad they were to see him. I didn't really think much of it. He continued his conversation with me and said he was glad to see the stage had plenty of room for the choir and orchestra. He had seen the stage before the sanctuary was finished and wondered if it would be big enough. He went on to talk about our worship leader and how he needs room to jump around (we have an excited and somewhat charismatic worship leader).

I was starting to wonder about who this man was. Clearly he was familiar with our church, the building and the worship leader. But yet it was becoming clear he was not a regular attender. Aha! I leaned over to the man and said "you must be one of our special guests here for the dedication today." He nodded but let me know that he wouldn't call himself special. Hmm, he's humble. Here I was cranky as could be and he's humble! Nothing like a little humility to expose the ugly in the grumpy! Turns out he is the president of the denomination's missions board for our city. And, a very nice man. We had a wonderful conversation despite my moody state of mind.

As the service began, I sent up some emergency forgiveness prayers! "Forgive me Father for letting my mood interfere with my worship and the fellowship with other believers!" It was bad enough that I had not been at my friendliest while sitting next to one of our special guests, but what if a first time visitor and unbeliever had been seated next to me? This got me to thinking about how careful we always need to be with how we interact with others. We should constantly ask ourselves if people can truly see Jesus in us. Sometimes we will be grumpy, but even in the midst of a bad mood, we need to let the light of Jesus shine through!

Father,
I pray today that you will fill me completely with your Spirit. I pray that your love will shine through me and that other's might see your Son in everything I do. Thank you for your forgiveness and for your love.
In the name of your Son,
Amen

The Birds, The Bees and The Ark

2009-04-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

I love light bulb moments. You know those rare moments where all of sudden you finally get it, whatever it is. Somehow in a blink of an eye, everything aligns perfectly, all the dots connect and aha, the light bulb comes on! My daughter had one of those bright glowing occasions yesterday morning.

Her grandfather had just died. We knew this day was near and we had prepared our hearts through prayer as best as we could. She was talking to me about her feelings and asked why we couldn't live to be 900 like they did in Bible times. I told her that even if we lived to be 900, we would still be sad when a loved one died, even after 900 years.

But she persisted with why. Why don't we live that long anymore? I explained that things changed after the flood. I don't know all the in's and out's of how exactly the earth changed, but I know things did in fact change dramatically after the flood and I believe the length of life changed as a result.

A little background information is needed to help show how the dots were finally connected in Hannah's head, resulting in the flash of light!

Recently Hannah has become fascinated with the solar system. They are studying the planets at school and she has decided she wants to be an astronomer when she grows up. This has prompted many conversations about creation and science. She has done a lot of thinking lately about life on planets and how life is sustained. Also fresh in her mind was all the information she had learned earlier in the week as the fifth grade girls viewed the video "Growing Up: For Girls." I'm sure you can imagine the subject matter of this video! I had asked for the video to be sent home so that Hannah and I could view it together prior to the showing at school. I want to be the one to answer her questions and viewing it together at home allowed me to talk with her about God's view regarding all the subjects discussed in the video.

Now you have all the background necessary, back to the story at hand:

After my flood answer, she thought for a moment and then said "yeah, they probably didn't have any food after the flood because all the cows were killed in the flood." I scratched my head and countered with "no, I'm sure Noah had two cows on board the ark." I saw a quick flicker of light, and then the light bulb was fully illuminated! "Oh, that's why Noah had two animals of every kind, one was a boy and one was a girl!" And so went our morning conversation about the birds, the bees and the ark!

I'm A Published Writer!

2009-04-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

There are few better words than "By Krista Grier." Today was the first time I read an official by-line for myself and it exceeded all expectations. It just totally rocks to see your name followed by the small, but oh so extraordinary preposition "by."

My first ever published article is officially in print! Family Journal is a local Christian magazine and this month they have an article titled "The Monster in the Crowd," by Krista Grier!!! My article is about the loneliness singles deal with and how we can overcome those unexpected and extreme moments of loneliness. I actually think my favorite part is the table of contents....The Monster in the Crowd by Krista Grier page 30!

When you turn to page 30, they have added a picture of a man lurking in an alley which goes along well with the content of my article. This is such a fun day! I am excited to see what God will do next! Book publishers look out. . .here I come!

The Little Old Woman

2009-04-16T15:13:00.000-07:00

My church just moved into a brand new sanctuary and it has been a huge adjustment. Each Sunday since the new facility opened I have been sitting in a different seat, but always in the same general area. In the old sanctuary, I not only sat in the same area but also the same pew and most of time in the exact same seat! We Baptists are creatures of habit I guess!

One of the first Sunday's in the new building, I found myself distracted. During the sermon I heard the voice of a woman. If the pastor said "By grace we are saved," the woman would say, in a very high-pitched voice, "yes, Lord, grace!" Now, I was raised in a charismatic church so I am used to a few amens and hallelujahs during the service, but this took me by surprise. First of all, she was always the only one talking. It wasn't like the crowd erupted with amens. And second of all, it happened several times....it wasn't just a runaway hallelujah. I found myself looking around for her. Who was this woman with the high-pitched voice? Frankly it was kind of bugging me. It was a distraction, and this is after all, corporate worship time.

The next Sunday, sure enough during the sermon I heard her again. Hmm. I looked around but couldn't find the woman behind the voice! Finally the third Sunday she sat directly in front of me. I noticed her right away as I sat down, but of course didn't realize she was "the woman." She couldn't be taller than 4'11" and she has to be in her 70's if not even older. During the welcome time when we shake hands she shook hands with everyone in my row with a gusto that I had never quite seen before. Her excitement to shake your hand and welcome you was contagious. She said "good morning, good morning, good morning" over and over as she went down the row. Her hair is short and gray, her face filled with time gone by, but her eyes glistened with sheer joy. This little old woman was excited to be in church and she was excited you were there with her! I smiled, still not realizing, she was the "woman behind the voice." I thought to myself, "wow this woman truly knows the joy of the Lord!" And then the sermon started. Aha! I had found THE WOMAN!!

Surprisingly, I wasn't annoyed or even really distracted once I saw her and actually watched as she audibly agreed with the pastor. This woman exudes the love of Christ! It is bubbling out of her! Several weeks have now past and we are both still sitting in the same section of the new church. Each week I find myself smiling as I hear her sweet, aged voice. And I have discovered that sometimes what we think is a distraction or even a bother just might be a blessing...the blessing of the little old woman.

Father God,
I want to be more like this precious servant! Help me to show your love to others. I pray that those around me will see You through me and that your love will shine through everything I do. Help me to see the many blessings you have placed in my path!
In Jesus Name, Amen

Words of Wisdom

2009-04-09T16:15:00.001-07:00

If I only knew then, what I know now! The older I get, the more often these words seem to fill my head. If life gave us "do-overs," most of us would jump at the chance to change a thing or two from our life's journey. For some reason my little brother comes to mind when I think of the phrase "do-over." I'm sure he would disagree as we seem to have very different memories of our childhood, but I have a memory of him yelling "do-over" anytime we played a game!

No "do-overs" are allowed in the game of life. But for every mistake, wrong turn or misstep, wisdom is hopefully being acquired as we move along life's path. In my wise 40 plus years, I have figured out one thing, maybe a few more than one, but one really important thing! Life is all about the relationships we build. King Solomon knew it! Proverbs is filled with advice about relationships with a spouse, parents, children, friends, neighbors and even enemies. As wise as Solomon was, I'm not sure he always followed his own advice. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines, that just doesn't sound too wise! Speaking from experience, one wife and one concubine is one concubine too many!

Oh how easy it is to get caught up in the things of life and soon discover our Christmas card list is filled with people we barely know. This past weekend I spent some time with a few people from my Christmas card list and it dawned on me that this is what life is about. God created us for relationship - first with Him, but then with others. I want to embrace and nurture the bonds with those I love. I want to savor every moment of being mom to my daughter. I want to enjoy time with my family and friends. I want to build friendships with people I don't even know yet. And I don't want to wish for a "do-over" when my life's journey has ended!

Some of the wisest words ever uttered were by Harry. You know, in the movie "When Harry Met Sally." Harry finally figures out at the end of the movie that his relationship with Sally is more important than anything. He says to her, "when you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible!" Harry was a wise man. . .possibly wiser than King Solomon!

Snug As Bug

2009-04-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

Last week my daughter Hannah got a new bed. This bed is much better than her old bed. It is bigger, softer and it no longer has the oh-so-cute-must-be-for-a-three-year-old picket fence headboard, which by the way was hand made by her grandpa. Her new bed has helped her entire room make the leap from child to almost teenager. The absolute best part of the new bed is that Hannah is actually sleeping in it. . . at least most of the time!

Hannah has been sleeping with me since she was just shy of 2 years old. It started with my unexpected, totally unplanned divorce. My life had been turned upside down and I needed her with me. Having my baby near me through the night provided a needed comfort that is hard to describe. I can look back on that tumultuous time now and see that had it not been for her I probably would have just let the world crumble in on me. But I had a toddler to take care of and that responsibility got me up in the morning.

Somewhere along the journey of the past nine years, our sleeping arrangements turned from me needing her to her needing me. I can't tell you how many times I have been startled to full alertness in the middle of the night due to an elbow hitting me in the head or a knee lodged perfectly into my side or a flailing hand landing smack in the middle of my face. I have a queen size bed, but somehow the two of us only used half of the bed....my half of course.

Oh how I have longed for her new bed. I have dreamed of the day she would sleep in her own room and I could sprawl across the boundary of my half into the unknown territory waiting for me on the other half of the queen-sized bed. I told myself she would eventually get tired of sleeping with old mom and want her own space, but I'm not so sure that would have ever happened.

The time has finally come. She has her new bed and much to my surprise I have found myself struggling a little to let her go. The first two nights I stood outside her door while she was sleeping and just gazed at her sweetness, which is much more evident when she is sleeping! For those first two nights I found that I slept perfectly aligned on my half of the bed, not even daring a toe to cross the imaginary dividing line.

But, now, after a few nights of her sleeping in her own bed, I have started to embrace this new chapter in our lives. After she is tucked into her bed snug as a bug, I crawl into my own bed and pray that God will keep her safe through the night. And then I stretch out across the big bed without a worry of a knee, elbow or runaway hand smacking me in the face. Ah, this must be what heaven will be like!

Just Call Me Queen!

2009-03-17T17:19:00.000-07:00

I love facebook! Through facebook I have connected with several friends from long ago. I have many different buckets of friends...the church friends bucket, the work friends bucket, the college friends bucket, the high school friends bucket and then the "don't know how to classify it" bucket. That last bucket includes my former husband's ex-girlfriend....yeah, hard to put a label on that bucket!

Anyway, not only are facebook friends connecting, but we are also interacting with each other. Friends are able to send things to one another...such as little gifts for your profile page or a quiz. There is an assortment of quizzes to choose from. After you have finished said quiz you can then compare your results to that of your friends. I took one of these quizzes recently. It was called "Which Mighty Woman of the Bible are you most like?" The quiz asks you a variety of questions and then somehow magically determines which mighty woman of the Bible you are in fact most like. I could certainly guess....the woman at the well comes to mind, always searching for more or maybe Hannah as we both so desired to be a mom, maybe Sarah as I am constantly trying to help God out much like she did with the whole Hagar thing...that didn't work out too well. But all of my guesses were wrong!

My result? Esther. Hmm. Esther was a queen. A great queen.

Here is what the quiz said I am like: Esther: You have a charisma; a way of having favor with people. You are beautiful in spirit, and when you are in dire situations, you tend to seek God to find your courage to overcome them. When the need arises, you will stand firm in your faith. You are true royalty, with your humble & gentle spirit you maintain, in spite of your obvious popularity.

Double hmmm. I've certainly got something, but I'm not sure it could be called charisma. I pray that God will make me beautiful in spirit and I have some beautiful moments...but I also have some not so pretty moments. I have a cousin who is beautiful in spirit. She loves everybody with a genuine love, always so sweet and loving. I do seek God with all my heart when I am in dire situations, but again I'm a little more like Sarah at times, racing ahead of God. Humble and gentle....not two words I would use to describe me. And finally popular. Well, who am I to argue with the results of a facebook quiz! Just call me Queen Krista.

Although obviously inaccurate, I encourage all of you that are facebook users to find this quiz and take it. For those of you not on facebook, think about which mighty woman of the Bible you think you are most like! I would love to hear about all the mighty women out in blog land!

Speaking in Code

2009-02-22T10:47:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl my dad came up with what we affectionately called "Code 2". Code 2 simply said everything that needed to be said at bedtime, or at the end of a phone conversation or as someone was leaving. It stood for goodnight, I love you, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, goodbye, have a great day, drive careful, etc. I think it may have come into existence after a phone call I had with my dad while he was at work. I ended the call with "I love you dad" and he said "okay, talk to you later". Uh...."I LOVE YOU DAD", and after much berating by me he finally said "I love you too" with a room full of co-workers listening in. I'm not completely sure I have this story right, but I have a memory of something close to this scenario. And so Code 2 was born. Only our family knew the code's true meaning.

Do you ever feel like God is talking to you in code? Do you find yourself desperately looking for signs from God, just needing to hear from Him somehow? I have often wished God would just speak audibly to me. It would be so much easier!

How does God speak to His people?

Sometimes God chooses to speak in an audible voice. God spoke audibly to Samuel, but Samuel didn't realize it was God. It took Samuel several times before he finally figured out that it was in fact God calling his name. As much as I would love for God to speak to me in an audible voice, I am sure I would be like Samuel trying to figure out who was calling my name! Moses experienced God talking to him, but God's voice came through a burning bush. I can't even imagine how Moses must have felt listening to God while watching the fiery bush. Jesus spoke to Saul on the road to Damascus while a bright light from Heaven blinded him. Talk about getting your attention!

Sometimes God chooses to speak through dreams. In Genesis 28 God spoke to Jacob through a dream, showing him a ladder that went from the earth to heaven with angels ascending and descending on it. Speaking through dreams must have been a family thing because God also chose to speak to Jacob's son Joseph in a dream. According to Genesis 37, God spoke to Joseph in a dream telling him that someday his brothers would bow down to him.

Sometimes God chooses to speak through angels. The Bible tells us about many times God spoke through angels. An angel of the Lord spoke to Zechariah (Elizabeth's husband), to Mary, to Joseph (Mary's husband), to the wise men and to many others. In several instances the angel speaking would start with "Do not be afraid"....I can understand why!

Sometimes God chooses to speak through others. Once God chose a donkey to do His speaking! God spoke to David through Nathan the prophet. And Nathan didn't have good news to share. God used prophets throughout the Old Testament to speak to the nation of Israel and beg them to repent of their wicked ways. God certainly spoke to many through the Apostle Paul and his letters to the early churches. In fact God is still speaking through Paul today thanks to the Bible!

Sometimes God chooses to speak through His word. In the book of Acts, we are told of a time when Phillip came upon an Ethiopian Eunuch who was reading God's word and Phillip was able to help him understand. God tells us to hide His word in our hearts so than we might not sin against Him (Psalm 119:11).

While I am fairly certain I won't be encountering any talking donkeys, or facing a burning a bush, I know God speaks to me today. Much like the Code 2 my family established, only I know how and when God speaks to me. He speaks to me through others. I can't tell you how many times I have had a burden on my heart and then heard a sermon on a radio talk show that was clearly God speaking to me. He speaks to me through His word. Have you ever opened the Bible and God gave you a scripture that spoke to your exact need? I know, I have.

Heavenly Father,
I pray today that you will open my ears that I might hear from you. Give me a desire for more of you. Remove the distractions that take my focus away from you. Help me to be still and listen. Your word has promised that if I seek you with all my heart you will be found. Oh, Father God, how I want to be enveloped by you. Speak to me today. Guide and direct my every thought. And I pray, speak not only to me, but through me.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen

She Said What 2

2009-02-16T12:17:00.001-08:00

You just never know what is going to come out of the mouth of a child! They say the funniest and strangest things! Not too long ago I shared with the bloggy world Hannah's favorite new saying, Sweet Mother Molasses. Well she has moved on. It has been awhile since I have heard her sarcastic tone say "Sweet Mother Molasses, mom!" But today I heard a new one.

Hannah and two friends were playing house when I heard it. They were getting ready to go somewhere in their "cars" when I heard Hannah say, "come on Erin you are going too slow, I'm going as fast as a monkey with a shaved butt!" The whole room erupted in laughter and we asked Hannah what in the world does that mean. She doesn't know, but assumes a monkey with a shaved butt would be faster than one with a hairy butt! I can't believe I just typed that!

Of course we had the little talk about how we probably shouldn't be talking about butts...even shaved ones on monkeys. Good grief!

Saved At The Hereford House

2009-02-14T10:15:00.000-08:00

As a Southern Baptist girl attending a Southern Baptist church I have sat through many public invitations for decisions of the heart. I know all the words to all the verses of "Just As I Am". Of course at my church a public call or invitation is given at the conclusion of every church service and this past Sunday was no exception. Several people walked down the aisle to publicly share decisions they had made. As the associate pastor introduced those making decisions my heart was touched by one of the stories told. Along with a couple acknowledging their desire to join the church, a man was introduced that had accepted Christ as his Savior the previous Wednesday.

This man had visited the church the Sunday prior and had filled out a visitor's card. A member of our Faith Evangelism team got his visitor card and invited him to lunch at a popular steak restaurant called the Hereford House. For a short time I was on the Faith Evangelism team and most of the visits we made were to Christians looking for a church home, but we were always ready to share the Gospel message. This time the man wasn't just looking for a church home, but was searching for something that only Jesus could provide. While sitting in a busy restaurant during the lunch rush hour the Faith team member shared the Good News of Jesus. Right then and there, somewhere between the salads and dessert, this man prayed that Jesus would be the Lord of his life. The senior pastor of the church was coincidentally having lunch that day at the very same restaurant. After this man had prayed, he went and shook the pastor's hand and told him he was now a part of God's family! I think if I had been there I would have been inclined to jump up on one of the tables and say "excuse me, um hum, can I have every one's attention please, today, here at the Hereford House, a sinner has just been saved!" How amazing is God grace!

Salvation is free to anyone who asks and is available anytime and anywhere even at the Hereford House! My heart was challenged with a question upon hearing this story. How many times do I find myself having lunch with an unbeliever? Am I looking for opportunities to share my faith every moment of the day? Are you?

See You In My Dreams

2009-02-10T17:45:00.000-08:00

Work travel can certainly have its perks, but as a single mom, traveling can be difficult to say the least. Hannah hates it when I travel and I don't blame her because it completely disrupts her world. She stays with my parents each time I travel and they are so great to run her back and forth from school, make sure she has her homework completed, take her to dance classes and this week, they need to remember the Valentines she has to share for both school and dance. On top of all that she has to be taken to get her allergy shot. My parents are saints! I know I have said this before, but boy, did God bless me in the parents department! To make this week of travel even worse both Hannah and my mom are feeling a bit under the weather. My mom has a horrible cold and Hannah has a stomach ache.

When Hannah was still little, probably 3 or 4 years old, we started a fun traveling tradition to help ease the sting of separation. Each night when we are apart, whether I am traveling or she has a weekend with her dad, we meet in our dreams. Sometimes she picks where we meet and sometimes I pick where we meet. We have met in some fantastic places. During this past summer we met in China for the opening ceremony of the Olympics. On election night this past November we met in Washington D.C. as we waited for the election results. We've met at the beach, at Disney World, at Sea World, in Paris and several times we've met at the American Girl store. Of course we can't really control what we dream about, but our travelin' tradition gives us something fun to think about as we drift off to sleep. And the next day we always have a blast telling each other what we saw on our trip. Tonight, as I type this blog post, I am sitting in a hotel miles away from Hannah, but in just a short while I'll be readying myself for a good night's sleep with thoughts of Rome in head. Rome was Hannah's pick as she wants to see the "place that is now crumbling down". I assume she means the Colosseum.

We have such little time to shape and mold our children. There's little time to hold and hug them and tell them how much we love them, before all too soon a kiss from mom is, well you know, like, so em-barrassing! I want to savor each precious moment, drink in everything about her childhood as I help guide her on a Godly path. As I sit here in this hotel missing her tonight I take comfort in knowing we always have Rome, or Paris, or wherever our dreams will take us.

Father God,
I pray tonight that you will place a hedge of protection around all of us during my travels. And I pray that you will bring healing to my mom and to Hannah. I praise you for giving me parents who are willing to step in where needed and for making me Hannah's mom. I thank you for each and every precious moment of her childhood and pray that her faith in you will continue to grow; that she will know you more and love you and want to serve you. I pray that she will make good choices that bring honor and glory to you. I praise you for who are, the Almighty God, Creator of all things.
In Jesus Name I Pray,
Amen

Lessons Learned

2009-01-22T07:06:00.000-08:00

We make decisions everyday all day long. Some decisions are good and some decisions are not so good. Making a not so good decision and living with the results can be a hard lesson for a child to learn. As Hannah gets older there is more freedom to make some decisions on her own.

At the beginning of the school year the 5th grade students had the opportunity to join the band or orchestra. She was so excited to start learning an instrument and picked out the flute as her instrument of choice. I was apprehensive. I remember being in the 5th grade and choosing to the play the Clarinet. I didn't make it through the whole year. I didn't like it and I hated practicing. I knew in my heart that Hannah would be the same way. It would be a fight to get her to practice the required 20 minutes a day. Plus she already had made a commitment to multiple dance teams for the year. Yes, in my heart I knew the flute was not going to make it through the year.

Just as I expected, practicing was a chore. I had to badger her into practicing and because of our busy schedules I ended up letting it go more often than not. She did seem to enjoy playing and actually seemed fairly good at it, but she was not determined enough to keep practicing.

As the winter break began, Hannah told me she wanted to quit band. My first reaction was no, but she went on to explain her rationale. Hannah has great skills at manipulation, I mean making her point. She told me that she wanted to quit because she needs to focus more on her raising her math grade. Plus she went on to say that she already has so many dance classes and her school work needs to come first. Well I couldn't argue with that reasoning. She was right. Her math grade is too low, but she hadn't been practicing her flute anyway so I wasn't sure how it would really free up more time for math. But, nonetheless she has too many activities and needs a more balanced plate of things. So I agreed.

I emailed the principal and the band teacher as soon as school resumed. The band teacher was disappointed and had even named Hannah as the January band student of the month. But he understood that her grades need to come first.

Last week Hannah announces that she changed her mind. She wants back in band. The true reason for wanting to quit had finally surfaced. She had misplaced her band music book and was embarrassed to let the teacher know. I had already spoken to the principal about her lost book and was in the midst of getting her a new book when she announced she wanted to quit. But I guess she was afraid the new book might not be right or that she was still too embarrassed over having lost the book in the first place. Anyway, she cleaned her room last weekend and lo and behold she found the lost music book. Now she wants to return to band and wants me to fix it for her. No. Her original rationale was right. Her math grade needs to be addressed. She was just too good at manipulating, I mean making her point. She is now stuck with the results of her decision. She is not happy. Last night, through tears, she told me I should have, as her mom, stepped in and not let her make this big of a decision. She said she was just a kid what did she know!! Again, so good at making her point! I will not relent. No band.

If she is still interested in learning to play the flute or another instrument we will look into lessons over the summer. This situation opened the door for the good choices talk! Even the simplest decisions should only be made after much thought and prayer. Oh how I pray she will make good choices as she continues to grow in both age and wisdom.

Boyfriends Already?

2009-01-13T14:48:00.000-08:00

Earlier in the school year, my 10 year old daughter informed me she had a boyfriend. She was "going out" with a little boy named Tyler. When she told me about said boyfriend, I was able to maintain a nice, simple smile, while my mind raced with wild visions of boys, fast cars, skating rinks, and drive-in movies. It's just 5th grade, I told myself. And I repeated to myself one of my dad's famous lines "keep things in proper perspective". I asked Hannah what exactly does "going out" mean? "Mommmm" she said in a very sarcastic tone, "it doesn't mean anything except we like each other." Oh, I see.

And then I did me some major praying...and thinking...and praying some more. I certainly didn't want to over-react so I decided to let it go. I talked with Hannah about how she should keep it in proper perspective as well as a lot of boy-girl do's and dont's! I don't know a lot about Tyler, but he seems to be a nice boy. For their 2-month anniversary, yes I said 2 month anniversary, Tyler gave Hannah a really nice handmade card. He made it himself! Wow! This little 5th grader needs to be talking to some of the 40 somethings I know. He seems to know how to treat a girl! He must have a fantastic mom!

Then came the break-up. I was out of town for work and I called home to check on Hannah. She tells me that another little boy wants to be her boyfriend and she asked me if she should break up with Tyler and "go out" with the other boy. Double wowie, I can't believe I am having this conversation with my 10 year old daughter!! I carefully explained this is just 5th grade and she will most likely have many boys who like her before she finds the special one God has hand-picked for her. But, my advice was not to break up with Tyler if she liked him. Well, apparently Tyler had heard through the recess rumor mill that Hannah was considering a different boyfriend. So he broke up with her. I didn't really blame him. After all he had been a good boyfriend, as far as 5th grade boyfriends go, and she was at least considering dumping him like yesterday's school lunch. Secretly I was relieved. We have enough on our plate than to have to deal with boys....good grief, I thought I at least had until she was in high school!

She was heart broken. To make matters worse Tyler found himself a new girlfriend. Hannah had to watch them talk to each other and sit by each other at lunch (with 4 people in between, you don't actually sit right next to them!). She was sad and had a whole new understanding for mom and dating! I have to admit I was sad for her. I could tell her heart was broken. Last week she announced that she and Tyler are back together. Have mercy!! I hope I make it through her teenage years!

A for Accomplishments

2009-01-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

Finally, I'm giving myself an A...an "A" for accomplishing many of the tasks I had carefully placed on my need-to-get-it done list. Every year it seems I waste away my week of vacation between Christmas and New Year's. But not this year! This year I did not just sleep the whole week away, or even just laze away in front of the television (although I did watch a lot of movies). But, before I toot my own horn too loudly I should probably mention that I didn't get everything on my list accomplished, but then that would be perfection and well, we all know I'm far from perfect!

I had hoped to chronicle my accomplishments as they were achieved, but well...again more imperfection! So I'm here now telling all that will hear about the week that got an "A".

Accomplishment #1: Christmas Coming Down
After all the time and energy that is spent turning our home into a Christmas wonderland it always seems somewhat sad to take the decorations down. Around Halloween I start getting visions in my head....not of sugar plums but of a beautifully decorated mantle, a fully trimmed tree, a staircase donned with garland and bows and even special Christmas towels in the bathroom. I love my house decked out in all it's Christmas attire. But sadly the time had come to take the things of Christmas down and pack them away for another year. Accomplished!

Accomplishment #2: Sassy New Look
I am a spur-of-the-moment kind of gal. When I decide I want my hair cut, well, I want my hair cut right then. I don't like to make hair appointments, I just want to show up whenever the mood strikes for a new "do". But that usually doesn't work because apparently hairstylists aren't just waiting for me to show up with my new hair mood! So, this week I actually made an appointment to get a sassy new hair cut and color. Best hair experience of my life! I went to someone new....someone who was referred to me....someone I was a bit apprehensive about...but WOW, what an incredible experience. Let me just say HEAD MASSAGE!! I have never experienced anything quite like this at the beauty salon and you can bet I'll be coming back again!

Accomplishment #3: A Newly Organized Kitchen
What is it about the start to a new year that brings out the need to organize? It can't be just me that feels this overwhelming desire to clean out drawers and cabinets because the stores all have containers big and small as well as organizational stuff out front and center. I completely re-organized my kitchen. It feels like moving into a new home. I even moved our silverware to a new drawer, which is taking some getting used to!!

Accomplishment #4: Fun Stuff
I sprinkled my week of accomplishment with a little fun here and there. I spent some time with friends, saw a movie and watched lots of DVDs. I think I watched 6 or 7 movies! In the theater I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with Brad Pitt. Who doesn't love a good Brad Pitt flick! But, it was way too long and at times a bit boring. It was the movie that wouldn't start and the movie that wouldn't end! We were sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to begin, but nothing happened. The time for the movie to start had ticked by and still nothing. Finally some people went inquiring and apparently there were some technical difficulties. It finally started almost 30 minutes late and then it lasted for nearly 3 hours! And then I lost my coat....oh my this is probably a story worthy of its own post so I will leave it at that. I did eventually find my coat!

Now my week that gets an "A" is done and I'm back at work. Life is once again in full motion. The week was indeed a success, now if I can just remember where I put the silverware!

Time Without Purpose

2008-12-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

I am off work all week. In the world of advertising most agencies shut down during the week between Christmas and New Year's and the agency I work for is no exception. What a perk, an extra week of paid vacation! I always say time is just as precious as money!

But, every year Hannah spends this entire week out of town with her dad. A week all to myself. Sounds like heaven to some I'm sure. But to me, I have to really work at staying busy. Without a job to go to or a child to take care of, I struggle to find purpose and then laziness ensues. I don't know about you, but I somehow inherited the laziness gene. I wake up and think to myself, "what should I do today?" Usually the answer is that I should clean the house or do some laundry, so I lay back down and sleep some more. I sleep too much and with the after-Christmas-blues upon me I find myself a bit depressed. Being depressed makes me want to sleep some more, sleeping makes me lazy, which breeds the blues and so we have a lovely little cycle going on. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for the week off from work, but I know I need a little push in the behind to get me going!

I used to rationalize that being lazy during this week was perfectly fine. After all, this is my week to do as I wish. And if I want to spend it being lazy then so be it. But at the end of a lazy week I don't feel fine, I feel. . .well actually I feel like sleeping, which makes me lazy, which breeds the blues and the cycle is in full swing! Did you know that laziness is actually a sin? It is! The Proverbs are filled with both wisdom and warning on the subject of laziness. This revelation was not good news for me.

To avoid a week sinning the laziness sin, I decided to make a list. I made a list of things that need to be done as well as things I want to do. If we are working with just the things that need to be done, I will most certainly sleep too much, sleeping makes me lazy, which breeds.....well I'm sure you get the point!. So, this year I plan to chronicle my progress using this blog to keep me accountable. So far I have rented and watched 5 movies. I went shopping with a friend and washed my car. I sent some thank you cards out and starting writing in my blog again! And, I still have four days left. Stay tuned to find out all the gotta-keep-me-from-being-lazy things I plan to do this week!

Protective Love

2008-12-27T20:04:00.001-08:00

Protector is one of the many words I would use to describe a mother. A mother is supposed to protect her children; to keep them safe from harm. I remember when I was facing divorce I felt like a lioness protecting her cub. The marriage was failing beyond my control and I was hurting more than I had ever hurt, but through the tears and pain, the lioness appeared and boy did she roar! I was going to do everything I could do to ensure my daughter suffered as little as possible while the whole mess of divorce unraveled. A few years later, I remember dropping Hannah off at daycare one morning and I overheard another little girl tell Hannah she didn't want to play with her. My heart melted. I wanted to run to Hannah and hold her and love her and protect her from this big mean monster disguised as a pretty little girl. Instead, I watched as Hannah went right on playing and soon the two girls were playing like best friends. I want to hold Hannah in my arms and protect her from all the hurts of the world whether big or small. I want to keep her safe and loved always. This week Hannah and I met a woman who's mom didn't protect her. This woman's mom didn't keep her safe and her story broke my heart.

Earlier this week, Hannah and I delivered gifts to a family we had adopted for Christmas. We were connected with a single mom and her two kids through a local Christian-based mission. My original intent was to help a family in need but also to teach my daughter a valuable lesson about giving and receiving as well as to give her a glimpse of life outside her own little world. We were so blessed by people helping us provide gifts for this family. We had 6 huge trash bags filled with wrapped presents to deliver to our family at the mission. The life lessons were already in full swing long before we delivered the gifts. Hannah had sacrificed our annual trip to the Nutcracker Ballet to help provide gifts for this family. She enjoyed carefully picking out items that she thought the family would really like. She hand-picked several clothing items for the 15-year old daughter and beamed with excitement as I approved her selections. Yes, even before the delivery of the gifts, the lessons learned were many.

Just arriving at the mission for the gift delivery was a new experience for Hannah. We were in a part of town that looked very different than our quiet, relatively safe suburban neighborhood. The mom and her 7-year old son met us in the parking lot. They helped us unload all the bags of gifts and the mom gave us a tour of the mission and their room. Their room reminded me of a college dorm room and in the corner was a little Christmas tree decorated with homemade decorations and family photos. The mom confessed that she is struggling to get her GED because she is only at a 2nd grade level. She can barely read or write. She told me that she was working through the pain of things that had happened to her as a young girl; things her mom's boyfriend had done. She had lived in a lot of places but now found herself with her two kids at this mission. And for the first time, she was excited about the future. She now knows there is in fact a God and He loves her. She has placed her faith in Jesus and everyday is brand new.

The woman thanked us for all the gifts and admitted that this would be the best Christmas her kids have ever had. As Hannah and I were driving home, I thought about this woman and all that she had said. I looked at Hannah and I was saddened that this woman didn't have a mom who protected her. For whatever reason her mom didn't keep her safe and didn't even make sure she could read and write. I can't imagine not protecting my child. I grabbed Hannah's hand and with tears in my eyes, I told her that when she is a teenager she will probably think I am too strict. She will think I just don't understand. She will probably be mad that I won't let her do certain things, or go certain places or hang around certain people. She may even think I am old fashioned. But as her mom, my job is to protect her. I explained that the woman we had just met didn't have a mom who protected her. I'm not sure what Hannah understood or exactly how she felt about all she experienced that day. But, I'm sure our short time at the mission with a family we didn't really know made an impression on her heart. It certainly did mine!

Hiatus

2008-11-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

Although I'm sure you have figured it out by now, I officially declare my hiatus status. Work and life are extremely busy right now and writing has had to take a back seat. I'll be back eventually. Until then, I hope you each enjoy your journey and continue to find the joy in the little everyday things of life!

Krista

She Said What?

2008-09-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

Just talk to a child for a few minutes and chances are they will say something that makes you chuckle. My daughter has coined a new phrase, and every time she says it, I find myself giggling! Her new phrase is "sweet mother molasses". This phrase comes in handy many times throughout the day.

"Hannah, did you remember to bring home your Science book?"
"Sweet mother molasses, I forgot!"

"Hannah, you still haven't picked up that pile of stuff and put it away!"
"Well, sweet mother molasses, mom! I'll do it in a minute!

I have no idea how she came up with this saying. I guess it just came out of her mouth one day and she liked it! Well, however it came into existence, it sure brings a smile to my face every time I hear it! Sweet Mother Molasses!

Where in the World is Krista?

2008-08-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

Dear blog friends,

I am sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I don't really have a reason except for the way life sometimes interrupts the best laid plans. My mind has been focused on work and the start of another school year, allergy testing for my daughter, having my carpets cleaned, out of town business trips, keeping our house somewhat clean, cooking a meal from time to time (okay, driving us to Applebees), and of course, blogging falls to the bottom of the list. I want to blog. I have every intention of blogging. I write blogs in my head all the time, but lately they just haven't made it from head to actual blog. So tonight I sit at my computer bound and determined to type out a blog. . .not just for my blog friends but for me. I have all these words in my head that just need desperately to get out! What to blog about?

How about allergy testing? Now there is a subject worthy of the blog! Hannah has now been tested for allergies twice. The first time she was just three years old and I told myself I would never put her through that again. Well, now she is ten and she had to endure it once again. It is really a horrible ordeal. They prick her back with rows of allergens and then wait to see if her body has an allergic reaction. I stood over her, fanning her back with a flimsy brochure from the doctor's office as I watched her back explode with allergic reaction. Tears streamed down her face as she told me how much it burned and itched. When the doctor finally came in to talk with us, Hannah in her great wisdom looked up at the doctor and said "I would just rather have allergies, this just isn't worth it". The doctor smiled and let out a little laugh. But, given the severity of her allergies we must now go through a weekly shot regimen. Great! I'm sure this is going to be lots of fun for both of us!

The next day after the allergy testing, Hannah came into my room and again in all her wisdom said "mom, I figured out that they are injecting my body with the very stuff I am allergic to. What goober came up with that idea"! Well, I have to admit, it does sound like a silly idea!! Oh how I wish I could take her allergies away! Shots begin on Wednesday. . .wish us luck. . .or better yet pray for her!

Well, I hope to keeping blogging more often. I can't promise I'll be here daily, but I'll do my best to crank out a few posts each week. For Memorizing Monday I will be posting the week's memory verse on my side bar. Keep memorizing those verses!

Memorizing Monday

2008-08-04T19:10:00.001-07:00

For Memorizing Monday, I am thinking we need a review week! I don't have the first four verses quite down, so before we go further, let's take a week for review.

Psalm 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

Matthew 5:16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Deuteronomy 6:7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Philippians 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Don't Call Me Charlie

2008-08-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

As an impressionable young girl I remember watching a television commercial for the perfume Charlie by Revlon. The "Charlie Woman" was empowered! She could "bring home the bacon, fry it in a pan and never never let him forget he was the man". My advertising brain loves that commercial. Revlon was revolutionary in their marketing to women by giving them power. But as a woman, I LOATHE that commercial!

This weekend I have spent almost every moment in my house...scrubbing, sweeping, sweating. Lots of sweating! Although I've known this for quite some time, this weekend just solidified the fact that a "Charlie" woman I am not! I don't do it all very well!

But oh how I want to do it all, as that silly commercial from the 70's plays in my head. I can't remember the last time I fried bacon, but this weekend I threw away some nasty gone bad asparagus! The whole refrigerator stunk! Who knew asparagus could smell like that! I cleaned my daughter's bed room and threw away 5 filled-to-the brim trash bags. I have been traveling for the past three trash days...the trash people are gonna love me this week!

If I could create the "Charlie Woman" she would still bring home the bacon, but there would be enough bacon to hire a cook, cleaner, lawn service, handyman, homework tutor...

I should stop praying for a husband, I think what I need is a wife!

Thanks to my dad for the cartoon below depicting my single mom life. Charlie I ain't!

Memorizing Monday

2008-07-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

This Week's Memory Verse:
Philippians 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Over the weekend I found myself having a little pity party of sorts. My daughter is gone for three weeks and loneliness has set in a little. Why hasn't God brought a man, a partner, a help mate into my life? I have questioned this all weekend. I picked up a magazine late one night and read the statement "God won't bring singles someone to marry until they learn to be content in their circumstances."Wow! Was God talking directly to me or what! Paul didn't say God gave him contentment. He said he "learned" to be content.

I think about the word learn and it brings several images to my mind. I think of a child learning to walk and how they stumble and fall numerous times before they finally have the whole walking thing down pat. I think about learning a hard subject like math or science and how without a calculator I would be lost! Learning is not always easy and although I pray for contentment God is telling me through Paul's letter that I am to "learn" to be content. Well, wonderful! In fact, Paul felt so strongly about using the word "learn" that he turned around and used it again in the next verse "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:12) Wait! Did Paul say there was a secret? Ah ha! Paul knows the secret! How do we learn to be content? He tells us in verse 13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength".

Now I'm feeling better! God wants me to learn to be content in all circumstances, but He doesn't expect me to do it in my own strength! Hallelujah! So this week let's memorize and begin learning to be content in all circumstances, but not through our strength.....through "Him who gives me strength"!

I promise more posts will be coming soon! Life has been crazy busy and writing has had to take a back seat! Thanks for understanding. Have a blog filled day!

Memorizing Monday

2008-07-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

This weeks memory verse:

Deuteronomy 6:7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

For parents, this verse should be our daily mantra. We should be looking for teachable moments to talk to our children about God's truth. These moments don't have to be planned out devotions, but yet just simple everyday moments where God's truth can be made real in our lives.

If you are feeling extra confident abut your memorizing ability, try memorizing versus 5-9:

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

The Chronciles of the Whiny Voiced Creature

2008-07-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

Two things that really shouldn't go together: single parents and strong willed children! I have often questioned why God would give a strong willed child to a single parent. If God knew I would end up single why oh why did He give me a child with that kind of strong-willed, I'm-gonna-do-it-my-way, till-it-causes-you-to-lose-your-mind personality!

I suppose maybe God is preparing me to write on the very subject of single parents parenting their strong willed children. But, of course before I could write on such a subject I will have to live through it first! And, some days living through it seems highly unlikely! Take this morning for example:

We had a lovely morning. We were both in a happy mood. Life seemed good. Until we got to grandma's house and it all went down hill from there. Grandma so kindly suggests to Hannah that maybe they could go to the batting cages today. Hannah has her last softball game tonight and because we are going to concentrate more on dance next year, this may truly be her LAST softball game. Hannah has turned out to be one of the best hitters on the team. But at grandma's kind suggestion came that high, whiny voice that said "I don't wanna go to the batting cages". "Oh but Hannah, you could practice and maybe hit a home run tonight" continued grandma. Again, in the high whiny pitched voice that only my child seems to have, Hannah answered "I SAID, I don't WANNA go to the batting cages".

Okay that's where I jumped in. "Hannah you just crossed the line into the land of disrespect and now you have lost computer privileges". "Oh, please give me one more chance mama, please, please!" came the begging plea of my oh-so-talented-at-the-manipulation-game child. And, what do I do. I agree! One more chance. "Go sit back in that chair and let's start all over" I so kindly say. "I WASN'T sitting in the chair" Hannah says. HELLO....I just gave this child one more chance and she starts by pointing out a technicality of how she was or was not sitting in the chair. "CHANCE LOST" I say!

More begging and pleading came until my head was spinning. I just don't understand the whole strong-willed personality. It seems to me that life would just be so much easier for both of us if she would just listen and obey! So, I ended this morning's tirade with wise and sound words as I left for my work day...."grandma will decide if you can have computer time back"!

And so goes another episode of the single parent and her strong-willed daughter! You might think to pray for my mom. I think it could be a long day!

Memorizing Monday

2008-07-14T05:13:00.000-07:00

This week's memory verse:
Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

Our memory verse for this week is from the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus is instructing his disciples how to live a life sold out to Him! In Matthew 5:13-16, Jesus tells the disciples that they are salt and light to the world.

Matthew 5:13-16 "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

When I was a little girl I loved singing the song "This little light of mine". I loved singing this song because it had motions attached to it. It was so much fun to pretend to hide the light under the bush and then shout "OH NO I'm gonna let it shine". And the second verse was even more fun as I would pretend to keep Satan from blowing out my light! But now I'm all grown up and I have to admit there are times that I'm tempted to "hide my light under a bush." Do your co-workers and non-Christian family and friends know of your faith in Jesus? Does the life you live reflect His love through you? Are your works a testament to your faith?

I am reminded of the illustration of the road raged driver:
The driver of the van was clearly in a hurry, weaving in and out of traffic. The driver honked the horn at the other drivers while yelling and gesturing in anger. A police offer pulled the van over and quickly checked the driver's license and registration. He then came up to the driver and told her, "ma'am I'm sorry I pulled you over, but I saw the Christian fish attached to the back of your van along with the follow me to Sunday School bumper sticker and assumed the van had been stolen!"

Father God I pray today that your light will shine through me in everything I say, think and do. I pray that others will see You in my life; that my actions will be in line with my words and that all I do will bring glory and honor to You. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen

Memorizing Monday

2008-07-07T04:21:00.001-07:00

I wish I could just rattle off scripture any ole' time I need it! I can usually fudge my way through quoting scripture, not word for word of course, and rarely with the reference attached. It usually goes something like this "Paul said, in one of his letters. I'm not sure which one, but it was definitely a letter Paul wrote...to a church I think, anyway he said something about not being anxious, but we should pray with thanksgiving and give God our requests and His peace will fill us." Okay, that is not a good example because I actually do have that set of verses memorized word for word and even know the reference (Philippians 4:6-7). But I'm sure you get my point.

Parenting with scripture is an awesome thought! Your child comes to you with a problem and immediately you know what God's word says about said problem! That would be my desire. For example, let's say your lovely teenage daughter came to you and said some of her friends were making bad choices and were pressuring her to do the same. I'm sure there are many verses we could point her to, and if I had more memorized I would have more than one example. But, we could gently tell her that in 1Corinthians (a letter Paul wrote to a church!), Paul warns "Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character." But unless you had memorized 1Corinthians 15:33 you would not be able to point her to this particular truth; a truth that relates to her very relevant situation.

Or as you and your adolescent daughter are arguing about appropriate clothing, you could remind her that according to 1Timothy 2:9 a godly woman should "dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes". But again, if you did not have it memorized, the teachable moment would be lost.

WARNING: These are just for example, I do not begin to know how to actually parent teenagers yet!

So I thought I would memorize scripture via my blog. First it will keep me accountable and second, if any of you would like to join in please feel free to memorize my Monday scripture on your own! The plan is that every Monday I will post my weekly memory verse. I hope that by the end of the week it is committed to memory. There are lots of memory programs out there, but the one I like is to make a memory key ring. You put each scripture on a small card or piece of paper and hang them on a key ring. Carry the key ring with you and as you sit in traffic or at the doctor's office practice your verses from your memory ring!

The first official Memorizing Monday scripture is:

Psalm 119:11
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

I thought this would be a great verse to begin since we are actually told to "hide His word in our hearts"! Happy Memorizing Monday!

5 Sure Signs It Was The 4th of July

2008-07-05T09:22:00.000-07:00

Our tradition on the 4th of July is to hang out with family and friends. Every year we go to my sister-in-law's parent's house. They have a huge 4th of July party complete with bbq ribs, brisket, chicken, and more food than should be legal at one party, a beautiful swimming pool and lots of land to set off our share of fiery fun. We get our own personal fireworks show that rivals even the best of firework displays.

Sign #1: Sparklers

Sign #2: Family Togetherness

Sign #3: Red, White and Blue clothing!

Sign #4: Swimming and Swimming and Swimming!

Sign #5: My world famous Petite Cherry and Blueberry Cheesecakes. Okay, they're not really world famous, but they are good!

Hope Everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!

Teachable Moments

2008-06-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

This morning before Hannah and I left the house, I read Lisa T's blog. She wrote about how she challenged her kids to come up with 7 life lessons from the movie Kung Fu Panda. I wish I had thought of that idea! What a great way to tie even a secular movie back to our daily walk with God. Well, I'm certainly not above borrowing a great idea! Hannah saw Kung Fu Panda earlier this week with her grandma and cousins. Life lessons here we come!

As Hannah and I drove off this morning I asked her to think of some life lessons from the movie. I haven't actually seen this movie so I was completely in the dark, but I thought it would be a good challenge none the less. Hannah quickly came up with several life lessons. One of her lessons was "don't think you are a wimp, think you are a warrior". This statement made me think of David. I talked with Hannah about how God used an ordinary shepherd boy to bring down a giant. Apparently this is much like how Po the Panda was used in the movie. Po saved the townspeople from the evil leopard! Hannah knows the story of David and Goliath well so she was finishing my sentences for me! I explained that David knew he was one of God's warriors and with God's strength he could defeat Goliath. I asked her if she thought God could use an ordinary girl like Hannah to do great things for His kingdom. She, of course, said yes! This conversation was short and sweet, but an ordinary moment was transformed into a teachable moment to bring God's word to her life in a meaningful way. This was an awesome way to start the day!

Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

June in Pictures

2008-06-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

The busy month of June will soon be over. We still have a few days of the month left, but I now know what that silly energizer bunny must feel like. We kept going and going and going!

We had dancing

And more dancing

A mini vacation

And lots of softball

And more!

June has been a whirlwind of a month, but we have enjoyed every minute of it! Look out July, we're headed your way!

She Spoke

2008-06-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

I am on a plane headed home after the She Speaks Conference. Technology is amazing! I can't believe I am flying across the country typing out my blog post. Talk about a way to make time fly! Don't be alarmed by the date of the post because most likely I won't be able to actually post this until tomorrow (Monday).

The weekend had highs and lows as well as both laughter and tears. I'm not sure what my expectations were except that I wanted to learn, absorb everything from these amazing women, meet new people and most importantly I wanted to hear from God. I had heard this was a life changing event and I was ready to experience something life changing.

The first night was discouraging. My last session of the night was taught by a literary agent who vividly described the harsh realities of the publishing world. Although he sprinkled in some hope here and there, his message was bleak. I appreciate his honesty, but it was discouraging. After the discouraging words of the literary agent, I turned my hope to meeting and connecting with my roommate. I had imagined us connecting through the gazillion things we had in common and of course becoming forever friends. When I went to my room that first night I had not yet met my roommate. I had scanned the conference looking for name tags carrying her name but had not found her. When I reached my room she was ready for bed. We said our introductory hellos and both turned in for the night. I was discouraged to say the least. There would be no all night bonding session talking through all the things we had in common. I knelt beside the bed as tears streamed down my face and silently cried out to the Lord. Why am I here? I had felt so led to attend this conference, had I misinterpreted? I wondered if I had made a huge mistake.

Saturday morning was brighter. My roommate and I chatted as we readied ourselves for the day. Although we didn't have a lot in common, we shared good conversation. We had a wonderful breakfast together and I felt the heaviness of discouragement melt away. Encouragement shined on the day. I learned more than I ever imagined possible. The writing sessions were all rich with information, advice and most of all, hope.

Unfortunately I struggled with a headache both Friday and Saturday. The employees in the gift shop had to wonder why I kept purchasing more medicine! I tried Sudafed, DayQuill and finally Excedrin Sinus Headache took the pain away! On Saturday night, the amazing day of absorbing everything I could, was capped off by one of the most powerful messages I think I have ever heard. Renee Swope gave the message entitled "Beyond the Shadow of Doubt". Her words spoke straight to my heart. I struggle with doubt and that is exactly what Friday had been about....doubt! God did lead me here, God does have a plan and I am humbled to be a part of it. God can do the impossible if I'll just surrender to His will! The evening concluded with an invitation to come bear our struggles at the cross. As I stood there during the invitation time, my eyes wandered across the room. I saw women hugging and loving on each other; crying together and praying together. I longed to reach out to someone, but that is just not my personality. I stood there wondering why I can't connect. It seems that some women are so comfortable with strangers. They can instantly bond and share an intimate connection so quickly. I can not. God didn't make me that way. I stood there hoping someone would come up to me, but they didn't. I had met a lot of special women including many of the great bloggers I read on a daily basis, but this evening concluded with just me and my Lord...connecting with Him. The weekend was a roller coaster of emotion.

Sunday morning was awesome. The message again spoke directly to my heart, and the service ended with us sharing communion together. God's presence was undeniable and my heart was once again flooded with emotion. One of my favorite things was the promises we each picked up at the cross. The Proverbs 31 team had put specific scriptural promises on cards and laid them at the foot of wooden crosses. I picked mine up on Sunday morning and believe that this specific verse was given to me by God. I left the conference encouraged, strengthened and excited about the future.

Thank you to all the wonderful women at Proverbs 31 Ministries. She Speaks is an amazing thing!

Embarking on An Adventure...She Speaks

2008-06-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe that the She Speaks conference is in just a few days. Over the past few months since I registered for the conference I have been filled with such excitement. I have read many blogs from past attendees and the sentiment seems the same...."this is a life changing event". I am ready for something life changing!

Before this past February I had never heard of the She Speaks conference or Proverbs 31 Ministries. One of my resolutions for the new year was to start writing. Friends encouraged me to start writing a blog to strengthen my writing skills. In addition to starting a blog, I believed God had given me an idea for a book. Of course, I didn't know the first thing about writing a book, so I picked up some of the books from my shelves and studied how they were put together.

I picked up one of my many "single" books. I own almost every book written on the subject of singleness..books with titles like Single and Sassy, Single and Satisfied, If Singleness is a gift, what is the return policy and my favorite, titled I've kissed a lot of frogs but my Prince still hasn't come. I looked at how the writer arranged the table of contents, the number of chapters and the total number of pages in the book. On the back cover of one of the books was an endorsement by an author named Lysa Terkeurst. I wondered about this person name Lysa. Who was she? What had she written? So I did what I do....I googled her! The google search introduced me to Lysa, the Proverbs 31 Ministries and Lysa's blog. I started reading Lysa's blog every day. Through her blog Lysa mentioned the upcoming registration for the She Speaks conference, but I didn't think much of it at the time. But, then it seemed She Speaks kept popping up everywhere! I began praying about attending and here I am just a few days before I pack my writing dreams and fly to North Carolina.

But as the time nears for this life changing event, my excitement has been tempered with fear. My mind has been filled with whispers of doubt. Who am I to attend a writers conference? Do I really think God can use my writing? And then just as my fears started to settle in and stay for a while God sent a new friend and an email.

The email was from someone on the Proverbs 31 team about her first She Speaks conference and how her excitement had turned to fear. This email was written for me! This woman doesn't know me, yet she felt God leading her to share her experience. The email was truly a God send! In addition to the email, God sent a friend. I have met a wonderful woman named Kelley from my home town who is also attending the conference. We met for lunch yesterday and now I can no longer say I don't know anyone! Be sure to visit her blog!

Me and my new friend!

Somebody's Jerry

2008-06-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I watched the movie "P.S. I Love You". For those of you that haven't seen this movie, it is one of those must have a box of kleenex sitting next to you movies. I cried and laughed, sometimes within the same breath, which by the way makes a very interesting sound come out of your nose. I digress.

At one point in the movie Daniel, played by Harry Connick Jr, is revealing his true feelings to Holly, played by Hillary Swank. Holly is really not interested in Daniel because she is still grieving the death of her husband Jerry. Holly is still held by the grips of grief and is truly in the midst of the healing process. She is clinging to and idolizing the love she shared with Jerry. Sitting in a busy restaurant together, Daniel is faced with the fact that Holly doesn't share his feelings. He asked her if she thought she would ever find love again and she really couldn't answer him. The next line Daniel delivered to Holly pierced my heart and released a river of tears that probably had little to do with the movie. He told Holly that he wanted to be "somebody's jerry". Oh dear friends, I know exactly what he meant!

I have said that very line to myself! Immediately following my divorce I remember wishing somebody loved me the way it seemed my ex-husband loved his new girlfriend. He obviously loved her so intensely that he was willing to sacrifice his family. Of course, with hindsight what it is, his girlfriend probably had the same feelings about me. After all, I was the one that carried his name and shared his daughter. But in the throws of emotion I wished I could be "somebody's (insert name)". I cried out to God asking why can't I be loved?

Several years later I was dating someone who was newly divorced. I truly believed God had brought us together, but he, like Holly in the movie, was clinging to and idolizing the love he shared with his ex-wife. But unlike the movie, death had not separated this union and he held to the hope of reconciliation. Oh, how I wished I could be "somebody's (insert name)". I once again cried out to God asking why can't I be loved?

I would love to end this post by telling you that God has brought that special love into my life and I am now "somebody's krista". Or, I wish I could tell you that because of His love, I am content and no longer pine for such a love. After all, I am loved so much by my Savior that he gave His life for me....now that is what I call love....agape style! But even knowing that I am loved by the God of the universe, the creator of all things, my hope for an earthly love hasn't been erased or removed. Oh, please don't misunderstand; I am in awe of God's love, grace and mercy. And, let me tell you He has poured out more grace and mercy to me than I can even fathom. Being single isn't a curse, and it isn't a death sentence. And if I am single for the rest of my life, I will thank Him for my singleness. As I cried through the end of the movie, I recalled my life verse Jeremiah 29:11. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. My God who loves me has a plan for me! But what about the next verses? Verses 12 and 13 tell us "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart".

So, today I rejoice that God has a plan and I'm in it! And I will call upon Him and seek Him with all my heart. Today I know that if I am never "somebody's krista" here on earth, the One that matters knows my name and because of Him I can look forward to an eternity of His love.

Father God,
I praise you and thank you today for exactly where you have me! Help me to be content in my circumstances. Help me to take my eyes off myself and seek you with all my heart. My trust is in you. Thank you for your overflowing grace and mercy. I am so grateful you call me your own.
In your Son's name I pray,
Amen

Don't Blink

2008-05-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

June is a busy month. So busy in fact, I can hardly breathe from the stress of it all. Hannah has softball and dance that are now overlapping. By the end of June we will have had dance recital, vacation bible school, church directory pictures, softball pictures, dance tryouts for next year and brunch for Father's Day. Plus, let's not forget the many out of town trips in June. Hannah is going on a trip with her grandparents, I have a business trip scheduled, plus the She Speaks conference and a four day trip for Hannah's final dance competition....all in June. We have 4 dance shows, one dance competition, two days of tryouts, and 7 softball games. To get everything accomplished my very very very generous parents are helping me (yes, they read this blog, so I thought I would add a couple more "verys" as I am so grateful for their help!).

Last night I actually had trouble sleeping just thinking of all the things happening in June and the now overwhelming fear I will forget something. Yes, I have it all down on a calendar, but that doesn't mean I won't just up and forget something. A couple of years ago I forgot to take Hannah to picture day at the dance studio. That year, the day for dance pictures fell on visitation with her dad. I switched weekends just for picture day and in the midst of that Saturday afternoon I realized I had just completely forgotten about pictures. Of course shortly after picture day the dance studio chose Hannah's class picture to hang in the lobby. Every time I entered the dance studio for the next year I saw that picture...the one that was so blatantly missing my daughter.

I was so anxious this morning that I started telling myself June will be over before you know it. I just need to get through June and the schedule will ease up a bit. I realized I was hoping for time to pass quickly. Oh no, no no no. I do not want time to move quickly. I want to savor every moment because time moves too quickly on its own. I want to enjoy watching her play softball. When she gets up to bat, my heart starts beating fast and then she whacks that ball and my heart soars with her as she runs toward first base. I want to freeze time when I watch her dance. When the music starts and she hip hops to the beat my heart melts. It seems like just yesterday she was starting kindergarten and now she is entering the fifth grade. Times moves so fast with no help from us.

June is a busy month. A month to stop and enjoy each unique moment that we will never again own. Like the Kenny Chesney songs says....don't blink!

I turned on the evening news

Saw a old man being interviewed

Turning a hundred and two today

Asked him what's the secret to life

He looked up from his old pipe

Laughed and said All I can say is.

Don't blink

Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you

Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don't blink

You just might miss your babies growing like mine did

Turning into moms and dads, next thing you know your "better half"

Of fifty years is there in bed

And you're praying God takes you instead

Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think

So don't blink

I was glued to my tv when it looked like he looked at me and said

Best start putting first things first.

Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand

You can't flip it over and start again

Take every breathe God gives you for what it's worth

Don't blink

Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you

Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don't blink

You just might miss your babies growing like mine did

Turning into moms and dads, next thing you know your "better half"

Of fifty years is there in bed

And you're praying God takes you instead

Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think

So don't blink

So I've been tryin' ta slow it down

I've been tryin' to take it in

In this here today, gone tomorrow world we're livin' in

Don't blink

So Don't blink

Naw, don't blink, don't blink

Life Goes Faster Than You Think

Don't Blink...

Useless?

2008-05-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

This past Christmas season as I was watching the television special "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" I realized I feel a strange kinship with the misfit characters. Do you ever feel out of place, like you just don't fit? As a single mom in my forties I have often struggled with finding a place to fit. I am no longer a part of a couple, yet with all my mom duties I don't really feel all that single. Finding a Sunday School class has been a challenge. I don't fit in with the couples, although my lifestyle is similar. I don't fit in with the singles, although I am in fact single. My "single again" status often has me feeling like a misfit, just like Rudolph and his misfit friends. The truth is that being single again is mis-fitted, after all God's plan for marriage doesn't include divorce.

Well, here I am living on Misfit Island. Am I destined to live like this forever? Can God possibly use a divorced woman? Am I just completely useless to God now? God's word tells me that I am not useless. I can be used! The story of the Samaritan woman who meets Jesus at the well is a beautiful illustration of how God can use even a divorced woman in a mighty way.

We aren't told of her name, just that she is a Samaritan woman who has come to draw water from the well. Her nationality is significant because Jews did not associate with Samaritans. Jesus was tired and had taken rest next to Jacob's well. When the Samaritan woman came near, Jesus immediately struck up a conversation with her asking her for a drink of water. She answered him by pointing out that she was a Samaritan and he was a Jew. How could he ask her for water? Jesus responded by telling her that if she only knew who she was talking with she would have asked for the "living water" that only He could give.

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back." "I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." (John 4:13-18)

The woman at the well knew she was talking with the Messiah. She was so excited to share the "living water" she had just received that she left her water jar and ran back to town to tell everyone about Jesus.

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, "He told me everything I ever did." So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. And because of his words many more became believers. They said to the woman, "We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world." (John 4:39-42)

Wow! Almost the whole town believed because of someone's testimony. Not the testimony of one of the religious leaders or educated scholars, but the testimony of a divorced woman who had been divorced five times and was now living with another man! Talk about a misfit! If God can use the Samaritan woman, I know He can use me! But how can I be used?

For years I have had the desire to write, but in the last few months that desire has grown and I have felt God leading me to write more. I believe God can and has used my writing, but the enemy has come on full force! I hear whispers of "do you know how many writers can write better than you", "that book idea you have has already been written, why even try" or "there are so many writers trying to make it, why would anyone want to read anything from you". These whispers can be loud at times but through prayer I will overcome and I will write. I don't know how God will use my writing, but today I know He has given me a desire. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me!

Next month I am attending the She Speaks Conference through Proverbs 31 Ministries. This is a conference specifically designed to help new writers and speakers. I am really excited about meeting new people and learning more about the world of publishing. I pray that God will use this conference in my life and that He will be glorified through even a misfit like me!

More Morning Conversation

2008-05-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

Thursday night we had horrible storms. These were scary storms with all the bells and whistles; thunder, lightning, hail, strong winds and even tornadoes. Sirens sounded and Hannah and I headed to the basement. I wish I had a finished basement with a TV! Hannah and I sat on the steps of the basement so we could still hear the TV, and, because there are bugs down there! As we sat there listening to the sirens and the ominous sound of hail hitting our house, we prayed. We asked God to be with us and keep us safe. The storms came and went and came again several times through the night. Around 2:00 in the morning, Hannah was sound asleep, but I was awake listening to the sound of powerful winds pound against my house. I was scared.

When we woke on Friday morning around 6:00 a.m. the storms had all passed. I surveyed the house, the yard, the neighborhood and saw no signs of any damage. Watching the morning news it became clear that not all areas of the city had been so fortunate. Homes and businesses were completely destroyed. Power was out in whole sections of the city. The storm had left its mark. And we were untouched.

As we began getting ready for the day, Hannah commented about how scary the storms had been. I reminded her that we had prayed and God had kept us safe. She, in her 10 years of wisdom, calmly asked "why did He keep us safe, but not others?" Wow, that is a good question. My mind raced and I thought to myself, "why in the world does she pick the mornings to have these types of conversations." I can not express enough, I am NOT a morning person! "Well, Hannah," I said "I don't know the answer to that, but what I do know is that we live in a sinful world where bad things happen. We won't know all the whys until we get to heaven and ask, but I imagine we will be in such awe of God's mighty power and glory we may not care to ask all the whys." I went on, because again, that is what I tend to do, and explained that when we pray God has promised that He will hear us and He will answer us. But His answer might not always be what we want. God answers with yes, no, or not now. She took this in, pondered it a bit and said "when I get to heaven I'm going to ask Him lots of things".

And so we finished getting ready and off to work and school we went with the birds singing a lovely tune as we started our day....yeah, right! Deep waters kept a comin'. She continued the deep conversation by declaring that there must be a lot of people in heaven because someone dies every two minutes and someone is born every two minutes. I have no idea where she got this statistic or if it is accurate. I reminded her that not everyone goes to heaven when they die, but only those with a personal relationship with Jesus will go to heaven. I told her that Jesus said "I am the way, and the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father except through me". And that Jesus said "small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." I went on explaining that the world wants to believe there are lots of ways to heaven. But the truth is that there is only one way to heaven and that is through God's son. We ended our conversation with a prayer, thanking God for keeping us safe through the storms and for His son Jesus who paid our price on the cross.

I think I handled this one fairly well. I may have had a couple of words incorrect when I was quoting scripture and I didn't know the references, but the points were made. And then as the day went on and I thought about all we had discussed my mind was filled with doubt. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to "train up a child in the way he should go". How, I ask? I do not feel qualified for this job. I didn't go to seminary. I don't have enough scripture memorized. I haven't even taught a Sunday School class. Who am I to teach her about God? As the doubt flooded in, God reminded me of all the unlikely people he has used. David was nothing more than a shepherd boy. Moses even argued with God and said He should use someone else, but God used Moses in mighty ways. The apostle Paul had persecuted God's people, but God used him in ways that Paul could have never imagined. And then there are the many stories of mothers that God used. Mary was the most unlikely candidate. She was young and unmarried. Yet, God chose her to carry His son, the one that would come to save the world. I don't need to go to seminary to teach my child about God, I just need to be the vessel and let God work through me.

The Next 5 of 10 for 25

2008-04-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

As I plan for the future, here are the next five things I hope to see when I look back on my life:
A Missions Trip
Acts 1:8b And you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Several times each year mission trip opportunities are listed in my church bulletin. And every time I see one of these opportunities listed I think I want to do that someday. I can always give a list of reasons why I can't go on a missions trip now. Not enough vacation time. No money. What would I do with Hannah. Over spring break this year the church sent parents and their children on a missions trip to Mexico. A missions trip with Hannah.....now there's an idea! The group that went this year helped a specific church in Mexico set up ministries such as Vacation Bible School. If they do a trip like this next year....I'm in!!

Build and Strengthen Relationships
Luke 10:27 He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and, Love your neighbor as yourself.
I want to love and be loved! I could have used the scripture in Genesis where we are told "man should not be alone." God created us to want and need relationships. I once heard the saying "make your circles broad". I like that thought, big circles of friends, family and acquaintances. I want to make new friends, and strengthen the relationships I have now. The first part of this verse commands us to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul strength and mind. I want to fall in love with Jesus each and every day. When I am gone, I hope people will say "she loved". I want those around me to know I love and cherish them. And who knows, maybe somewhere along this journey God will place an extra special relationship in my life!

Live Healthy
I Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own
I am not good at the whole healthy living thing. I am clearly allergic to exercise, and well, the vending machine is too close to my office to pass up! Fruits, vegetables and water...not my favorites! Now that I'm in my forties, I'm noticing changes in my body. It doesn't move quite as easily. I feel a little like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz! Knee bends are out of the question because I wouldn't be able to get up. The eye doctor told me I should start to think about bi-focals since I'm over 40 and even my hearing seems to be going a bit. I sound like I'm 80! I need to start living in a more healthful way so I can enjoy living!

Travel
Numbers 14:8 If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land, a land flowing with milk and honey, and will give it to us
In the next twenty five years I want to travel. I had hoped to go to Israel with my church this past winter, but money, or actually lack of it, kept me home. I have never been out of the country and haven't been too far in the country! I want to see a Broadway show (actually on Broadway), tour the White House, swim with dolphins, go horseback riding along the beach, use a passport, stand on the bank of the Jordan River, meet a surfer dude in Hawaii and take my daughter to Sea World. I won't be able to travel the world over, but I want to make an effort to see new places and experience new things!

And last, but not least, in the words of Tim McGraw I hope we all. . .

live like we were dying
In twenty five years when I am looking back, I want to see someone who embraced life, spent time laughing, took pleasures in the small things....and always saw the joy in the journey!

5 of 10 for 25

2008-04-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

Houses need blue prints. Road trips need maps. Companies need business plans. What about life? Shouldn't we have a plan for life? Months of thought, energy and preparation are spent planning the typical wedding, but how much effort is spent on planning for the actual marriage?

As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, 2008 marks 25 years since I graduated from high school. I would love to tell you that in the past 25 years I have lived my life exactly the way I planned. I would love to say that I followed the life after high school blue print to a tee. Truth is I didn't really have a plan. Nope, no real plan. My plan after high school was to become a famous singer and marry the drummer of my band. After that didn't work out, I planned to get a college degree. But even that plan wasn't very well executed. I quit time after time and finally about 5 years after high school decided I needed to buckle down and get a college degree. With all the false starts, it took me about 10 years to finish college!

I wouldn't encourage anyone to follow the Krista Lee plan for life, at least not for the first half. But the second half, well now that is going to be different. I want to have a plan, a blue print, a map! Yes sirree, I'm making me a map! Well, maybe not a real map, but at least a list. A list of things I would like to look back and see when I'm reflecting over life 25 years from now.

So here, in no particular order, is 5 of my top 10 for the next 25:

Become Debt Free
Romans 13:8 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law
I have spent the last 25 years amassing debt, and it will most likely take the next 25 to get rid of it! My first step in becoming debt free is to add no new debt! Yes, that's right, I can't just have that beautiful piece of furniture that is calling my name. I really want to finish my basement, but no....no new debt! I must save and wait and save and wait. I'm really looking forward to this one!

Train Up My Daughter
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it
I recently heard on a "Focus on the Family" program that family is the most important influence for kids until age 10. After age 10, friends become the most important influence. WHAT? My daughter is 10. I just don't want to believe that a day will come when she will want to spend time with her friends instead of me. What am I talking about...that day is here! It is unbelievable that my job of training her is almost over. We only have two more presidential elections until she can vote! I want to teach her and guide her and help her to be all that she can be!

Write a Book
Exodus 25:25 He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as craftsmen, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers - all of them master craftsman and designers
I believe God has given me the desire to write and I want to see where it might lead. This blog is the first step. I have an idea for a book and I want to write it! God equips us to do that which He plans for us to do. If He wants me to write, He will give me the ability and the words. All I need to do is say yes Lord, I will write!

Have Fun
Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit
In 25 years I want to look back and see fun! I want to enjoy life with my daughter, my family and my friends. I want to try new things, maybe a cooking class or ballroom dancing. Learning to cook can only be a good thing! I'd like to take an acting class. I sincerely think I could have been a soap opera star! I want to make time for fun.

Scrapbooking
Psalm 143:5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands
We shall remember the days of old. All the fun I plan to have (as mentioned above) will be carefully and artfully preserved. In 25 years I want to finally be caught up on my scrapbooks! I want to preserve all of our precious memories through the art of scrapbooking. For those of you that know me, you are probably now rolling with laughter because you know how long it takes me to complete one page!

The next five on the list to come soon. . .

Feeling Nostalgic

2008-04-26T07:12:00.001-07:00

Last weekend I met up with some friends from high school. I haven't seen most of these people for 25 years! I can't believe it has been 25 years since I graduated from high school. It seems like just yesterday I was walking the halls of Piper High as a nervous freshman. I brought all four of my high school year books to our pseudo reunion and we all had a blast revisiting the past.

I have some wonderful memories of high school. I remember being a Pirateer and a Pied Piper! What in the world is a pirateer and a pied piper you ask? Our school dance team was called The Pirateers and the Pied Pipers were a small ensemble vocal group. I have great memories of dancing and singing my way through high school! Two of my favorite classes were Spanish and guitar class, but yet I can't speak any Spanish or play the guitar! I remember driving to school my senior year in my cool metallic gray Trans Am! I remember proms, plays and hanging out at the "plaza". (You have to be from my home town to fully understand the meaning of the "plaza".)

Senior Picture

Drill Team Spring Show

Trans Am!

Graduation

As I look back over the past 25 years my mind is flooded with great memories. There have been good decisions made and not so good decisions made. Reflecting back makes me think more about the future than the past. Will I like what I see looking back on the next 25 years? The old saying rings so true, "if I knew then what I know now...."

I want to take that thought, and take all that I have learned and live the next 25 years with both purpose and passion! I think my next blog will be the top ten things I want to accomplish in the next 25 years. What was your favorite high school memory?

I Don't Want To Be That Mom, BUT.....

2008-04-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

I never wanted to be the that parent. You know, the parent that yells from the sidelines and seems to complain constantly. I am pretty easy going and usually just go with the flow. BUT Hannah has her first dance competition this weekend and I am sorry, but I absolutely, positively unwaveringly, without hesitation HATE the costumes.

It goes beyond the amount of money spent....but let me tell you....the money isn't insignificant. But it is more than the money. The dance routine is so good. The choreography is incredible. The costumes are NOT.

I did not like these costumes when they first arrived at the dance studio a month or so ago and neither did the hip hop instructor. In an effort to make them look a little more "hip hoppish" they cut off one of the sleeves and added some rhinestones. OH NO....very bad idea. Now they look worse and they are not completely sewn together correctly where the sleeve was cut off. It is held together with a safety pin. Another mother said she was going to sew it herself to try to make the missing sleeve area a bit better. This is bad for me. In high school I took every music class offered, but I didn't take home economics. Oh how I wish I had taken a home economics class! I don't sew, I can't really cook, and well my cleaning skills aren't all that great either. A great home maker I am not (although don't get me wrong I do have some good home making moments as mentioned in this post).

Although I don't want to be that parent....I can't just stand by on this one. I sent an email to the owner of the dance studio and asked if we have any options. We probably don't have options, but I guess it doesn't hurt to ask.

Hannah asked me this morning if I ever had dance costumes. Well, yes I did! I was on my high school dance team and every spring we put on, what was so creatively called, the "Spring Show". We used routines that we had done throughout the year at football and basketball games as well as new routines. Every routine had it's own costume. I have wonderful memories about my four "Spring Shows". I don't remember ever hating a costume. In fact I loved most all of them. I remember baby doll dresses, cowgirl shirts with fringe, kung fu outfits, flapper dresses and even a chicken costume. My mom spent weeks gluing tissue papered chicken feathers onto our costumes! What wonderful memories!

I suppose if we have no options, Hannah will forever have the memory of that costume which turned her mom into that parent. And 20 some years from now even the ugly costume will be a great memory!

A Family Created

2008-04-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

A couple in my neighborhood have been trying to adopt a child for quite sometime. I don't know this couple very well, in fact I don't even know their last name. But during the past summers, when families are outside soaking up the nice weather, we have struck up a conversation or two. In one of those conversations they told me of their desire to adopt and I shared with them our adoption story of Hannah. They were extremely discouraged at the time as their efforts toward adoption seemed hopeless.

My heart broke for them because I know exactly how they were feeling. I know how it feels to have an overwhelming desire for something that you have utterly no control over. I know of the sleepless nights where you wonder if you will ever hear someone call you mommy. I know of the jealous feelings you must swallow as you watch others around you relish in new parenthood. I know the feeling of disappointment, failure and hopelessness.

After we found out we had been chosen by a birth mother and that she was expecting a girl we began the joyous task of picking a name. We eventually landed on the name Hannah. I knew Hannah was a biblical name and that she was Samuel's mother, but that was all I remembered. One night, I opened my Bible to 1 Samuel and started reading about this woman named Hannah. I cried all the way through Hannah's story. I am amazed at how God speaks to me through His word! As I read Hannah's story, I was reading my own. She was a lot like me. She yearned for a baby, but yet as hard as she tried she could not get pregnant. She was taunted by her husband's other wife Peninnah (another reason it is not a good idea to have multiple wives...we don't share well!). Peninnah would taunt Hannah about not having children until she was weeping and unable to eat. This went on for years. I imagine Hannah had the same feelings I had, wondering if she would ever be called mommy, or would get to kiss boo-boos all better. I know of her desperation, and her anguish. Hannah cried out to the Lord for help. 1 Samuel 1:10-11 In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow, saying, "O Lord Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head." In versus 19 and 20 we are told God remembered her and gave her a son. Hannah went on to have six more children.

The times and traditions are different today, but we have an unchanging God, who is still on the throne. The same God that heard and answered Hannah's prayer so long ago, heard and answered mine. A few days ago, my daughter was outside playing. She came running into the house breathlessly saying "come look mom, the neighbors have a baby". Sure enough, our neighbors just adopted a beautiful baby girl. They picked her up from the hospital the day she was born. I love to hear of adoption stories, because it is just another way God creates families. God is so good!

Not Your Typical Morning Conversation

2008-04-11T14:08:00.000-07:00

Hannah and I are not morning people! We could both sleep all morning if possible. On weekdays we wake up at about 6:15 am and walk around in a sleepy stupor until we head out the door. Our conversations usually center around things like "where is the other shoe", "eat your poptart", or "what do you mean, you have homework". But not today, no sirree, not today!

Today Hannah took morning conversation to an unexpected level. As I stumbled around trying to get us both ready, Hannah asked "mom, how do you know God is real?" Thoughts raced through my sleepy head "uh oh, this is an important one, don't blow it". I answered slowly, "um, well, the bible is my number one source. Based on God 's word, I have faith that He is real". I must think that if I say many words it will come across as if I know what I am talking about so I continued with something about the world wanting to prove there isn't a God, but by just looking around at God's creation His handiwork is evident.

Hannah interrupted my lengthy answer with "how can you have faith if you don't know God is real". Wow, it isn't even 6:30 yet, and I've barely had my first can of Pepsi. "Well sweetie", I respond, "faith is believing in that which is unseen." The scripture reference was totally no where to be found in my less than alert brain, but I got the idea across. Of course I continued with trying to recite the premise of Lee Strobel's book "The Case for Christ" stating something about historical and archaeological evidence. She seemed to be content and I didn't feel like I had done too bad of a job.

We seemed to have a reprieve. For a few minutes we were able to go about the readying of ourselves for the day. The reprieve ended as she confidently said "I think God is going to come back very soon". And so our theological journey continued this morning. I answered with the profound "oh yeah." "Yeah", she said, "the weather is really weird and a man is having a baby" (a reference to the pregnant man that has been plastered across every media channel from television to internet to magazines). Hannah continued "the world is crazy and God isn't going to put up with it too much longer." I think my mouth dropped open and I stood there speechless. I am completely and utterly amazed at the faith and knowledge that a child can possess. Rather than try to teach her with more of my eloquent speech, I just agreed and said "you just might be right."

On my drive to the office I pondered all that had been said. There are days I wonder if I am teaching her anything of value, but this morning I discovered the answer to that question is yes, I am teaching her something of value....eternal value.

Thank you Lord for my daughter. I pray that she will know you more each and every day. I pray that her faith will continue to grow and that she will be a witness for you. I pray that you will place a hedge of protection around her as she goes out into the world. Thank you for bringing her into my life. Guide and direct us both. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

The Beauty of a Princess

2008-04-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

Recently a little boy in Hannah's class told her she was ugly. I think he probably likes her, but his "ugly" comment has made her begin to doubt her appearance. This is the same little girl that when people told her she was pretty she would reply with a confident "I know". What bordered toward arrogance has now shifted to complete self doubt. Can we not find a place in the middle people?!

As a society we tend to judge people, especially women, based on their outward appearance and we equate beauty with self worth. I work in advertising and I am the first to admit that everywhere we turn we are bombarded with messages about how to be prettier, thinner, younger, wrinkle free and on and on. Don't get me wrong, if an inexpensive cream in a jar that truly erases wrinkles is discovered, I'm in! But I have learned over the years (and am still learning) that my self worth has little to do with my outward appearance.

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 139:13-14 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." I love the thought of almighty God, the creator of all things, carefully knitting me together. Every part of me from the color of my eyes to the exact placement of every freckle was designed specifically by Him because it pleased Him. Although I haven't always looked at my freckles as a gift, that is exactly what they are.

Not only did He create me but He loved me so much He sent His son to die in my place. Through my relationship with Jesus Christ He calls me His child. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1. I am His child and that makes me the daughter of a King. Not just any king, but the KING of KINGS and LORD of LORDS! I am a princess! Wow, my self worth just went through the roof!

Looking to the world for approval and acceptance will always be hollow, as the world will let us down again and again. But knowing who I am in Christ when I look in the mirror will always bring the reflection of the God of the universe who loves me exactly the way I am.

The Special Gift

2008-03-23T17:43:00.000-07:00

My mom and I share many things. We share a love for decorating, furniture shopping and entertaining. We both love country music, salads with blue cheese dressing and Pepsi products. We both have fair skin and freckles. We often share the JC Penney's catalog and coupons to Bed Bath and Beyond. But the best thing we share is our birthday.

I think it is amazing that I was born on my mom's birthday; not the day before and not the day after, but on her actual birthday. And since the day I was born, it has been and will forever be "our" birthday.

I suppose some might say that she was given a gift on her birthday so many years ago, but I would say, that it was me who was given the gift. It is so much more than a birthday. It is a day that connects us in a way that is indescribable. I thank God for my mom and for the gift of this special day we share! Happy Birthday mom!

Goodbye to a Dream

2008-03-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

The time has come to say good bye to one of my dreams. Tomorrow I will turn 43 and with that it is time to say good bye to the hope of more kids. I really thought that I would fall in love again, get re-married and the "unexplained infertility" I had experienced before would be gone. Hannah would love to be a big sister at our house (she already is a big sister at dad's house). Over the past several years I have extended the age deadline for my dream to come true. First it was 38, then 40, then 43. I have a friend that just had her third child at 43. And the actress Marcia Cross recently had twins at 44. I would extend the deadline to 44, but the chances of falling in love, getting re-married and having a child between tomorrow and next March 23rd seem a bit impossible!

I loved being a new mom. Hannah was so small, so beautiful and so dependent on mom and dad. Everything about her was such a miracle from God. Her little fingers and toes amazed me. I used to hold her feet in my hands and kiss them all over and say "momma gonna kiss your feet." The baby stage was one of my favorite times with Hannah. I remember holding her and singing old southern gospel songs to her. I remember rocking her in my arms as I watched country music videos on CMT. She loved country music as a baby! I loved watching her grow and seeing her personality emerge. The baby stage is just for a moment and before you know it you have a curious toddler on your hands. Each stage passes so quickly. I recently heard the quote "the days are long but the years are quick", and it is so true. Today I have a beautiful 10 year old and it seems like just yesterday I was putting frilly headbands and bows in her hair. Being mom to Hannah is truly the most precious thing in my life. Oh how I have yearned for more!

Isaiah 55: 8-9 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways. And My thoughts than your thoughts."

I have to admit, that as the old song and the Burger King slogan say, I want it my way! But His ways and His thoughts are higher than mine. God knows the whole picture, the whole story. And tomorrow with the turning of another year, I place my beautiful dream of a bigger family into His hands. I don't know what the future holds, but I know the one who does and as sad as it is to say goodbye to this dream....I know in Him I can trust!

Making Memories

2008-03-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

I like to scrapbook. There was a time when I would have said I love to scrapbook, but the pursuit of the perfect scrapbook page has turned this once enjoyable hobby into work! I do, however, love Friday night crops at my local scrapbook store. If it weren't for these page making, pizza eating, product buying fests, I would never get a page done! This past Friday, I took one of my favorite scrapbooking buddies with me to the Friday night crop....my daughter. Not only were we recording memories, but we were making memories. I think Hannah finished eight pages. And me, well I finished one page. Actually, the page I finished was started at the last Friday night crop, so truth be told I got about 1/2 page done! Someday I'll be caught up. I thought I would share a couple of Hannah's pages. I think she had three pages dedicated to Webkinz! The second picture is a page of our cat Lucy. Someday Hannah won't want to spend a Friday night with her mom....but we'll always have the memories!

Grace That Is Greater Than All My Sin

2008-03-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

Recently during a Sunday church service we sang the familiar chorus:
"Grace, Grace, God's Grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within,
Grace, Grace, God's Grace. Grace that is greater than all my sin."

As we sang the words I have sung a million times, suddenly the last line had new meaning. "Grace that is greater than all my sin". Have you ever struggled with letting go of your own sin? Have you ever thought that your sin was too great for God's forgiveness? How could the perfect, holy, almighty God forgive you? I have thought these very thoughts, but just like the song says, His grace is greater than all MY sin!

The enemy often whispers in my ear, "you are nothing but a sinner", "God doesn't want you", "you are such a disappointment", "there isn't enough grace for the things you have done". The whispers seem to be even louder when I am thinking about ministry and service. How could God possibly use me?

David was a man after God's own heart. David was the boy whose faith brought down a giant. Yet, even after God had made him King of Israel, David sinned. It wasn't a little sin, it was a big one! Peter denied Christ after he said he would never do such a thing. Peter walked and talked with the savior. He was one of the closest to Jesus and yet he sinned. Again, not just a little sin, a doozie! I love the story of the prodigal son, because it is my story. Throughout the Old Testament the story of the prodigal son is evident in the history of Israel. Israel was quick to turn away from God when things were good. When things got bad, Israel repented and begged God to return to them. This didn't just happen once or twice, but over and over and over again! And over and over and over again, God bestowed his grace to Israel. His grace is greater than all MY sin!

Truth is we all fall short. I have yet to meet anyone, Christians included, who were sin free. Our sin problem is exactly why we need a savior! If we could fix our sin problem ourselves there would be no need for the cross. Even the most righteous don't measure up to God's standard. Without the cross, we are all condemned. But according to Romans 8:1 we have a savior who rescues us from our sin. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Yet knowing this, we often condemn ourselves. Allowing past sin to infiltrate our lives; believing the lie that we are failures who can't possibly be used by God. 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Psalm 103:12 tells us "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us". Our sin is forgiven. Our sin isn't a match for His grace! His grace is greater than all MY sin!

Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

No Explosives Founds

2008-03-08T17:18:00.000-08:00

The police dogs sniffed my broken laptop and didn't smell any explosives! This whole laptop thing has been quite the experience. I arrived at the airport police station today and the doors were locked. There was a sign that said "for entry pick up phone". I picked up the phone and explained I was there to pick up a laptop I had left at baggage claim. After explaining the whole long story I was allowed entry. I took the elevator up to the third floor where I was greeted by two police officers. I again explained the whole story and they questioned me about what type of computer is was, what did the case look like and was there any thing to identify that it was mine. Luckily I had put some of the conference materials inside one of the case pockets. The conference attendees list was among the materials and they were able to find my name. They gave me the broken laptop and I was on my way. Hallelujah, this story is now done!

There's No Place Like Home

2008-03-07T17:11:00.000-08:00

Business travel seemed so glamorous when I first started my career. I was excited to see new places and meet new people. It is usually far from glamorous. I have certainly had some fun business trips and have been to some fun places, but there is no place like home!

This week I had a business trip that turned out to be one mishap after another. It all started on Tuesday. I was leaving for Orlando on Tuesday afternoon and discovered on Monday night, while packing for said trip, that I didn't have an adequate pair of shoes for that certain pair of brown pants that I just had to take. Not a problem. I could run out to the shoe store during my lunch hour on Tuesday since my flight wasn't until later in the afternoon. Tuesday morning was filled with meetings and by the time I left for lunch my mind was in about 10 different places. Apparently my mind was so distracted that I didn't notice my speed! Yes, I was pulled over for speeding on the way to the shoe store! The whole speeding ticket thing is a story all of it's own, but for now I'll just say that sometimes a friendly, positive attitude, can make even a bad situation end with a smile. Anyway, I did get a ticket. I still had to get shoes. I hurried (without speeding) to the shoe store and picked out the perfect pair of brown shoes.

Back at the office I packed up my work things including my laptop computer. It was important to take my laptop so I could do some work as well as possibly blog while I was in Orlando. Seven of us were going to a conference and a few of us had to stay at another hotel due to the conference hotel selling out. I have to admit that I am somewhat of a hotel snob. I don't need a really expensive hotel but I am picky. I like clean, comfortable and safe. As soon as I walked in the lobby I was a bit suspicious about this hotel, which actually is a "resort". That sounded nice when I read "resort" on the itinerary. They put me in building 6. The lady at registration showed me a map of the property and explained how to get to building 6. I was a bit worried by the map. I was lugging around a heavy suitcase plus the laptop (which is heavier than it looks). I walked down a paved path lined with palm trees passing by a couple of beautiful swimming pools. The grounds were beautiful. I continued walking and walking and walking some more. Building 6 is at the very end of the property.

When I finally arrived at building six, I discovered my room was on the second level. There were no elevators. Before tackling the stairs I had to take a little rest. After a minute or two I was ready to conquer the stairs. I lugged my heavy suitcase and heavy laptop up the stairs. By the way, I was wearing one of the highest pair of heels I own. By the time I reached the top of the stairs I was exhausted. I looked for my room number but the sign with an arrow pointing straight ahead lead me nowhere. I discovered this only after walking up and down the same hallway several times. I figured out the arrow was pointing in the wrong direction. When I finally reached my room, I grabbed the back of a chair to steady myself as I tried to unload my arms and the chair was sticky. Not a good sign. The room faced the parking lot and it immediately didn't feel safe. I would use the word motel for this building rather than hotel. The room was very old and given the sticky chair it didn't appear very clean. I was tired, my feet hurt and I just wanted a clean, comfortable, safe room.

I called the front desk and they agreed to move me into their "tower" rooms which were more like a hotel. But, the only tower room they had left was a smoking room. I decided the smoking room would be better than the sticky chair room. I lugged my very heavy suitcase and laptop back across the property. My feet were killing me. I opened the door to my new room and was almost knocked out by the smell. It stunk! Not like smoke, but like men's cologne that had been sprayed to mask the smell of smoke. Ick and double ick! Again, I totally admit that I am a bit particular when it comes to hotels, but this was icky!

I was not a happy camper in this hotel, but I figured I just would have to make the best of it. I called my coworkers who were staying in the conference hotel and they said it was wonderful. Instead of sulking, I decided I would pull out the handy laptop I had dragged half way across the country and check my email. The laptop didn't work. I plugged in the power cord and pressed the power button and nothing! I had used this laptop earlier in the day and it was fine, but now it was totally powerless. Ugh!

We all met up for dinner that night at the conference hotel, and I had a bad case of hotel envy! Once back at our lovely hotel, one of my coworkers discovered her toilet had overflowed. Her bathroom was a mess! And when she tried to call the front desk her phone didn't work. She called me on my cell phone to ask me to call the front desk about her toilet. On a positive note, this hotel did have good pillows. We stayed in the icky hotel for two nights, and for the last night we were finally able to get into the conference hotel. As grateful as I was to be in the nice hotel, I had to lug my heavy luggage and the broken laptop to the new hotel (via taxi of course). I'm not sure why, but I seemed to have only packed high heels for this conference. Why oh why didn't I pack a pair of tennis shoes? By the end of the conference my feet were swollen, blistered and throbbing with pain (but I did look good in my shoes, especially the new ones!).

I enjoyed the conference. I enjoyed the group of people that joined me on this trip. I enjoyed the Florida weather (except we got caught in pouring rain one night). But by Friday morning, I was ready to come home. Despite the fact I was leaving 70 something temperatures and going to 20 something temperatures with snow, I was ready to go home. At the airport we went through one of the longest security lines I have ever seen. Again, why didn't I bring tennis shoes? My feet were killing me! Once through security and at the gate we were greeted with the news of a flight delay! Due to weather the flight was delayed. And then delayed again. I just wanted to go back to Kansas. I tried clicking my high heels together three times, but it didn't seem to help. Finally, an hour and a half later we were headed home.

All went well on the flight home and it appeared that the end of the trip was mishap free. That is until I got home, pulled my suitcase from out of my trunk and realized I no longer had the broken laptop! I sat it down at the baggage claim and must have forgotten to pick it up. I called the airport and the airport police now had my laptop. They were calling in police dogs to sniff it! Good grief! So today, I am headed back to the airport to retrieve the broken laptop, assuming the dogs didn't sniff anything!

Next year this same conference will be held in New Orleans. I hope I get to go again, I truly do enjoy this conference. But, I will pack a pair of tennis shoes, make reservations early enough to be in the conference hotel and I think I will just forgo the laptop. No matter where I travel, the words of Dorothy ring true...."there's no place like home"!

Young Hollywood

2008-03-03T10:10:00.000-08:00

I am a celebrity news junkie. I love watching entertainment television like Entertainment Tonight, Extra and Access Hollywood. I devour celebrity magazines and I go to People.com at least once a day (truth be told, I go to people.com more than once a day). I know more useless celebrity facts than I should probably admit. I could win a celebrity trivia game hands down! At work recently, I had a meeting with a sales rep from one of the top celebrity magazines and we probed her for any scoop she might have, but as it turned out I was the one filling her in on the latest news! I will probably never forget Thanksgiving 2005.....the day I found out Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey were splitting. I was so disappointed. I really hoped they would make it.

I'm not sure why I am so fascinated with the lives of the rich and famous. Maybe because I dreamed of being a famous entertainer myself. But whatever the reason, I enjoy knowing who's having babies, who just got engaged, who just split, and who is nominated for a grammy, oscar, golden globe or razzie. Unfortunately, most of the time the headlines are more about who just entered and then left rehab, who is going to jail for DUI, or who just died too young.

But yesterday I read a unusual headline. I was sitting at the Jiffy Lube, while my car was in for an oil change, just flipping through a celebrity magazine when I read the headline "Jonas Brothers Virginity Pledge". The popular boy band publicly declared their personal pledge to abstain from sex until marriage. The band of brothers all wear purity rings to symbolize their promise to themselves and to God that they will stay pure until marriage. Wow! You go boys! I love the Jonas Brothers! More importantly, my daughter loves the Jonas Brothers. I am so glad she has role models like the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, is another great example. Miley and her entire family have shared many times about their faith in Christ. My daughter wants to be just like Hannah Montana!

Hollywood seems like a completely different world with its own set of rules. The lure of fame and fortune and all that world offers is strong. But even with all the riches and earthly pleasures, it appears many living in that world are desperately searching for something more. The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus already have that something more. They are salt and light to a dark world. Tempation will be great though. Satan won't just sit by, he'll attack. I think we should start a prayer chain for these young people. Just think if people across the country started praying for young hollywood. This country's youth look to emulate celebrities from the way they dress to the way they live. I want more headlines like the one I read yesterday. Pray with me for Nick, Kevin, and Joe Jonas, Miley Cyrus and the rest of young hollywood. Never underestimate the power of prayer!

The Hand of God

2008-02-25T11:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had times in your life where you could clearly see the hand of God? Without question you knew this was of God. Have there also been times when you questioned if God was even around?

I can remember two major times in my life where the hand of God was undeniably evident. The adoption of my daughter was the first of these times. My husband and I had been trying to conceive a child for several years and finally decided to pursue the idea of adoption. During these years I often questioned if I would ever be a mom. I questioned my ability to pray and devoured books about effective prayer. I questioned my own past sin and wondered if this was a consequence of my own sinful past. I questioned God's plan. But God did have a plan, and that plan included motherhood. Nine months after our first call to the adoption agency, we picked up our baby daughter from the hospital. It seems almost unreal that she was conceived around the same time we began down the road of adoption. The timing was perfect. God had clearly orchestrated the lives of several different people, in different circumstances, living in different places to bring about His plan. There is no question God created this family in His way, in His timing.

The second time I could clearly see God's hand was shortly after my divorce. Divorce had been devastating to me and I was a mess. About three months after the divorce was final my former husband announced that he and his girlfriend were going to have a baby. This news was more than I could handle. After all we had been through to become parents I knew I couldn't stand by and watch them have a baby. I wanted to move home. I had been raised in a city about 3 hours away and my family still lived there. I needed to go home. But I had a two year old daughter to consider and wanted to do what was right for her. I met with the singles pastor of the church I was attending and he gave me invaluable advice. He said I should send out some resumes and see if God opens a door. Wow, it was like the parting of the Red Sea. I had a job offer within two weeks. I had to get my former husband to agree to let my daughter and me move. He agreed. I had to sell my house. It sold in two weeks. Everything regarding a move back home fell into place so easily. I knew, without a doubt, this was God's plan.

I love being able to see God at work. I love to feel Him near. But most of the time, it isn't that clear. During the healing from divorce, there were times I literally felt as if God was holding me in His arms. But in the day to day of life we don't always see or feel God's presence. I have to admit I am in one of those times now. I would like God to talk to me in an audible voice. I would like a power point presentation on the plan to come. I would like a nice tidy map to follow, or at least find some answers in a google search (maybe if I google "plan for krista").

I feel a little like what I imagine Moses, or at least the people of Israel, felt in the wilderness. God is providing the manna daily, but where are we going? I sometimes feel like I am wandering with no real direction. All the doors I try to open seem to close. I wonder how Joseph felt. God didn't speak audibly to Joseph. He did speak to him through his dreams, but I would imagine that Joseph had to wonder about God's plan. Joseph had a dream that his brothers would bow down to him, but it took a long time for that to happen. And, in the mean time Joseph was sold into slavery and taken to Egypt. He surely wondered about God's plan as his brothers betrayed him. But, Egypt turned out pretty good. He was put in charge of Potiphar's household (the captain of the palace guard). Things were looking up. I imagine Joseph could see God's hand in all that had taken place to get to this point. But then, BAM! Potiphar's wife accused him of rape. Joseph was thrown in prison. I wonder if Joseph sat in the prison thinking, "what now God". Things started looking up in prison as the chief jailer put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners. Things were looking even brighter as Joseph interpreted the dreams of two prisoners, the king's cupbearer and baker. Joseph thought he would surely be set free now because the cupbearer would tell the king about him. But the cupbearer forgot all about Joseph. Again, I wonder what went through Joseph's mind. HELLO, I'm in prison here, what was with the dream where the bundles of grain bowed to me? HELLO...in prison here! He sat in prison for two years waiting on the cupbearer to remember him and tell the king. But then one day the cupbearer did remember Joseph. The famine brought Joseph's brothers to Egypt and sure enough they eventually bowed down to him, just like in his dream. Joseph was reunited with his family, including his beloved father. Wow, that was quite a plan!

Sometimes I may feel like I'm wandering in the wilderness or that the cupbearer has forgotten me, but the God that was in the wilderness with Moses and in the prison with Joseph, is with me today! Faith is believing that which is unseen. I can not always see God’s hand, but through faith I know He has a plan for me.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

The World's Best Job

2008-02-22T16:57:00.000-08:00

A friend recently said to me that if someone had told her how hard parenting was, she would have re-thought the whole thing! Babies don't come with instruction manuals. I received more instruction on how to operate my cell phone than I did with my baby! You have to wing it, figure it out as you go. It's the most important job we will ever do and we are flying by the seat of our pants! There are lots of books to help, and trust me I have read most of them, but basically you have to figure it out on your own.

Every time I think I finally have a handle on this whole mom thing, the job totally changes on me. As soon as I became an expert at changing diapers it was time for potty training. When I finally figured out I needed to keep our house well stocked with the miracle ointment better known as Neosporin, the cuts and scrapes left the knees and headed to the heart. There is no over-the-counter ointment to heal the "Susie won't be my friend anymore" hurt.

It is no wonder that parenting is hard; it is multiple jobs in one. Talk about cross-training!
A parent is a:

Care Provider: We must provide a nurturing environment for our child to grow. We are to care for their every need. We must keep our children clean, fed, and somewhat presentable.

Housekeeper: We are responsible for keeping the child's environment clean and germ free. Thank goodness for Clorox Disinfectant Wipes! We must provide clean clothes to wear, in spite of the occasional week the child insists on wearing the same shirt every single day.

Chauffeur: We must make sure our child gets to school, church activities, girls scouts, soccer practice, piano lessons, the play date with her best friend and back home again.

Nurse: We must know when to use the humidifier versus the vaporizer. Or when to sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes while the shower steams the mirrors, walls and of course both of us. We must know that a sore throat is just a sore throat unless you can see white bumpy stuff and then it is most likely strep. We must bandage, medicate, soothe and comfort all boo-boo's, and sniffles, as well as diagnose each "I don't feel good".

Tutor: I mastered the alphabet song, please don't make me help with fractions!

Nutritionist: Did you know that a child aged 9-13 should have 2 cups of vegetables, 1 1/2 cups of fruit, 3 cups of milk or other calcium rich foods, 5 ounces of grains, and 5 ounces of meats, beans, fish or nuts per day? PER DAY PEOPLE! And I was feeling good with dinner at McDonald's (at least she ate chicken and potatoes).

Psychoanalyst: "How was school today honey?" "I dunno". "What did you do at recess today?" "I dunno", "Do you think the test went well?" "I dunno". I have a feeling this job is going to get much much harder!

Just think if parents were paid the equivalent salaries for all the above jobs that we do each and every day! My daughter recently told me that when she grows up she wants to have four kids. I just smiled and said "that's nice honey".

Strange Noises

2008-02-19T07:32:00.000-08:00

One of the things I do not like about being single is that I am the only adult in the household. I don't have a big strong husband to fend off any intruders, robbers, would-be bad guys. No, if any bad guys come, it is me...me...me...protecting my daughter, our cat and our house! So needless to say I am jumpy at noises in middle of the night. And, if you listen for noises, you will hear noises! Plus, I have had some weird experiences in this house. So jumpy is to be expected.

Last night I heard noises. I was almost asleep and then about 11:00 I heard a loud bang. I had no idea what could have made the bang sound, but I was instantly scared. I sat up in bed and reached to the night stand for my glasses. I hear better when I have my glasses on. Hannah was asleep next to me. Yes, she should be in her own bed, but that is really a topic for another post! I sat listening, with my glasses on, and heard nothing. Hmmm, maybe it was nothing. I took my glasses off and sank back down into the bed. Well, of course now I can't sleep and I think I hear a car outside. It isn't driving by, just sitting there. Am I hearing things or is there a car outside? I could get up and check, but no, I think not. Could someone be trying to get into my house? I lay in bed praying for protection, thinking about what I would do if someone got into my house. I should probably get a ball bat or something to have under the bed.

I try to sleep. Hannah moves and elbows me in the head. I roll her over, saying "please move to the other side" (okay, if I'm honest, I think it was more like "MOVE OVER"!). She is sleeping. I am awake. It is now about 1:00. I hear another noise. It sounds like a lawn mower. It gets a little louder and then softer. Where is that noise coming from? Hannah rolls back over and I discover the source of the noise, she is snoring! Okay, so that noise won't hurt us, and I am truly a bit too jumpy! I keep listening, trying to get back to sleep, but very aware of every sound. Again I say, if you listen for noises you will hear noises! As I lay, totally awake, my memory takes me back to another night.

When I was first married we lived in a mobile home. One night, in the middle of the night, we heard a huge crash sound. It sounded like an earthquake. In fact, I thought it was an earthquake. My big strong husband jumped up and ran down the hall. Halfway down, he turned around and came back and said "I forgot to ask if you are alright". Once he knew I was fine, he headed back down the hall. A car...yes, a car had crashed into our kitchen! The car was stuck and the driver was trying to get out of the car. The police were there in a matter of minutes and they took the driver, a drunk male into the station. Apparently he was driving too fast and hit a speed bump that took his car airborne straight into our kitchen! Our mobile home had a huge hole in it and our kitchen was a mess! Luckily insurance paid for everything, including broken dishes and glassware and no one was hurt.

Back to last night. At about 3:00, I was finally able to sleep. I never did determine what the bang sound was, but apparently it wasn't an intruder. I still had to endure the occasional elbow to the head, or foot in the side, but from 3:00 to 6:00 I had pretty good sleep. I'm still thinking about getting a ball bat to put under the bed!

Valentine's Day and the Single Person

2008-02-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

For the single person, Valentine's Day can be sad or at the very least annoying. It's a day that reminds us of our singleness. We watch as deliveries of flowers, balloons and candy are made to others, all the while feeling left out. It seems everyone around us has a valentine. It almost feels like we wear a sign that flashes in bright neon letters "I'm single, all alone, not loved".

I recently answered one of those email surveys that a friend sent me. The email has a list of personal questions and the idea is to send this on to friends in an effort to get to know more about each other. One of the questions was "what is your biggest fear". I answered honestly. My biggest fear is the fear of being alone. I want to be married. I want to have a partner to walk through the rest of my life with. I yearn to be loved by a man. I want to grow old with that someone special. But here I sit for another Valentine's Day, single.

Why is that? Why doesn't God bring someone into my life? I'm not sure, but one of the reasons may be that God is waiting until I have learned He is really all I need. His word tells me in Isaiah 54, that my "maker is my husband, the Lord Almighty is his name". God has been faithful to his word and has been my husband. He has been my provider and my protector just like a husband would be. But I have to admit, that although I find great comfort in the words of Isaiah 54, I still want an earthly husband. You know, the kind that will take the trash out on the really cold days, and kill the big spider lurking in the corner, or fix the toilet that just overflowed. I remember not long after my divorce, the vacuum cleaner broke. I was still reeling with the hurt and loss of a broken marriage, and was now faced with a broken vacuum cleaner. Handy is not a word I would use to describe myself, so I fixed it the best way I knew how....I bought a new one. I underestimated the severity of the three simple words "some assembly required". I sat on my living room floor with a new vacuum cleaner that required "some assembly" and literally cried. Vacuum cleaner parts and assembly instructions surrounded me and all I could do was cry. It seems silly now looking back on that day, but at the time that broken vacuum cleaner and the assembly of a new one embodied the way I viewed my life. The old one was broken and the new one needed assembly.

Well, here I am many years later and God has assembled a new life. I am no longer that broken girl devastated by divorce. And remembering that day helps me realize how far God has brought me.

Psalm 34:17-18 "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I will continue to cry out to my Lord. I will continue to pray for a husband. Today I am single, but praise God, I'm not alone and I am loved!

History Lesson

2008-02-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

American Girls are big in our household. My daughter has several American Girl dolls and almost all the books. Both Hannah and I love the American Girls and their stories. I have been amazed at how much American history I have learned by reading the American Girl books.

Through the stories of Felicity Merriman I have learned that there were loyalists and patriots. Felicity was nine years old in 1774 as our country was at its inception. I think I assumed everyone was for the independence of our country, but that was not the case. Many of the colonists were very loyal to the king and did not approve of the movement toward independence. Through Kit Kittredge, from 1934, I have learned about life during the depression and how families learned to cope with the economic situation of their time. Molly McIntire, in 1944, has taught be much about WWII, and Samantha Parkington from 1904, has taught me about the working conditions in the factories at the turn of the century. I have truly enjoyed learning more about American history through these American Girls.

I did not think, however, I would learn anything about American history from the latest American Girl, Julie. Julie is from my time. What could I possibly learn from her stories...I lived it. Julie is nine years old in 1974. I was nine years old in 1974. "Julie's Journey" takes place in the summer of 1976, the year of America's Bicentennial. I learned that there was a covered wagon train that traveled from the west to the east. Each state had a wagon that toured around the state passing out re-dedication scrolls. The wagons left at different times, meeting up with each other along the way. They journeyed across the country just like the pioneers had done. The end destination was Valley Forge. The re-dedication scrolls were given to President Ford on July 4th 1976 at Valley Forge. I don't remember hearing about any of this! I remember celebrating the Bicentennial, but I do not remember any covered wagons or any re-dedication scrolls. Does anyone else remember this event?

I am concerned that such a historical event took place in my lifetime and I am totally oblivious. But, then I guess I shouldn't be too hard on my self. In 1976 I was 11. I probably didn't watch a lot of news programming and information wasn't as accessible as it is today. Still, it is bothersome. You would think we would have learned about this great wagon train in school! Thank goodness for American Girl books!

Dance Dance Baby

2008-02-07T19:46:00.000-08:00

Last night Hannah had dance class. She takes ballet as well as a hip hop competition class. This is her first year to be on a competition team and she is the youngest in this class. I have been somewhat fearful all year that she might be swallowed whole by the older girls in the class. The ages range from 10-17 and most of the girls are in junior high or high school. They are all older, wiser in the ways of the world, and seem to have more hip hop dance experience. My little 4th grader seems so small and innocent. But last night it became clear. Watch out baby, my girl can dance! She can hold her own with these other dancers and she is not fearful at all! The dance teacher gave her a very special part in the dance and wow, Hannah rocked it!

As I stood there watching her perform, my heart was flooded with all the hopes and dreams I have for her. I would love to see her become a famous entertainer of some sort because that was my dream...a dream that didn't come true. But I have no plans to live vicariously through my daughter. I want her dreams to come true, whatever they may be. But my hopes and dreams for her are so much more than an occupation. I hope she knows love. I want her to love and to be loved. I hope she makes good choices and doesn't have to suffer the consequences of bad choices. I hope she has a thirst and fire for life that is never tempered by the harsh realities of the world. I hope she will always have a sense of innocence and wonder. I hope all the things listed in Lee Ann Womack's song "I hope you dance". But most of all, I hope her faith in Jesus Christ grows daily and that she will love Him and choose to serve Him. I pray that His word will be a lamp to her feet and a light to her path (Psalm 119:105).

As a single mom, I fear that I am not enough. Can I "train her up in the way she should go"? Between laundry, school activities, homework, full time career and the ongoing list of life's demands...can a single parent do it? Certainly single parenting isn't God's design. My heart can become overwhelmed with the fears that encompass single parenting. I find much comfort in Peter. Peter walked on water, did the impossible when he had his focus totally on Christ. When his focus waned, he sank. So it is for the single parent. We can do the impossible, if our focus is on Christ. I cling to His promise, that He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deut. 31). I don't want to let fear get in the way of experiencing the joys of parenting, because in the midst of it all, there comes rare, wonderful moments like watching your daughter totally rock it!

Snow Day

2008-02-06T15:25:00.000-08:00

I am not a morning person. I like to sleep, but as a single mom with a full time career, mornings seem to come early. Most mornings, after the alarm has gone off and I have hit snooze, I lay in bed silently lifting up praises to God for giving us this day. Today was an extra special day as I woke up to snow, ice and no school. The alarm went off and I quietly went to the computer. Ah, yes an email from the school district: NO SCHOOL DUE TO INCLEMENT WEATHER. I emailed work letting people know I would be taking a day off to stay home with my daughter and went back to bed. Sleep! As I drifted back to sleep I thanked the Lord for this special snow day!

On days like today I like to pretend I am June Cleaver or Donna Reed (I realize my age is now obvious, and many people may not know who these women are. For those too young, June and Donna were perfect television moms from shows way before you were born). I have such a desire to have a warm, inviting home that smells likes something wonderful is baking in the oven. Most of the time our home feels more like a pit stop from all the activity or possibly like a hotel meant just for sleeping. But today, we were home all day. I cleaned house, cleaned out some drawers and closets, chatted on the phone with a neighbor, made a lunch that consisted of several necessary food groups, and fixed a wonderful dinner that was on the table shortly after 5:00. Short of vacuuming in my Sunday dress, heels and pearls, I would say I came pretty close to good ol' June Cleaver. Hannah even had some friends come over to play (which is how I was able to clean out drawers and closets).

Before I was a mom, I envisioned myself reading books, helping with homework, gently teaching God's word in a meaningful way each day, all while serving wholesome snack foods. Funny how our vision is usually far from reality. I certainly never pictured myself a single mom just trying to keep my head above water. As for helping with homework, well, I always knew there would come a day when I wouldn't be much help with math, but who knew it would be as early as the 4th grade! But today, this very special snow day, our home felt nearly perfect....a haven filled with love, laughter and good smells!

Joshua 24:15 As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

A New Glaxay of Communication

2008-02-05T14:37:00.000-08:00

Here it is; my very first blog entry. I am not a very tech-savvy person and therefore I tend to shy away from most types of new technology. My 10 year old daughter often assists me in working all things electronic. Recently there was a strange icon on my cell phone and after searching frantically for the user manual, my daughter informed me it was the calendar icon she had activated. My phone has a calendar...who knew!

But as scary and daunting as new technology can be, I am fascinated with the changing ways we communicate. Although I wouldn't call myself an early adopter, I am quite taken in with the whole new social networking arena. I love my myspace page! I have had a blast reconnecting with several friends from high school and college. About a year ago, I started reading some blogs and was instantly amazed at how connected I felt to people I didn't even know. It all started with a blog a friend of mine shared with me. It was a blog by a local woman chronicling her battle with cancer. By the time I started reading the blog, she had passed away and her husband was keeping everyone informed on his state of mind, their two small children and life after the death of a loved one. I felt like I knew this family, but yet I had never met them and most likely never will. Through this blog, I was changed, and that in and of itself was amazing.

Since then I have browsed through many other blogs. Some have very defined purposes such as the aforementioned blog, yet others are nothing more than a personal diary on public display. I have both laughed and cried at the stories found in blogs, but always left the blog feeling somehow connected to someone...someone I don't even know. I like this idea of connectedness. God created us for relationship. First is our relationship with Him, and then relationships with others. We have a God given need to feel connected, loved and a sense of belonging. I found it strange that some of that need was met by reading the thoughts, stories, ups and downs of others in this new fangled thing called a blog. I don't have a defined purpose for this blog right now, but I'm curious to see where it might take me....who it might connect me with...and how God may choose to use it.